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Your “Pretty Much Nothing But Footy” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Nuggets:

  • Fresh off the Packers brain-trust not seeing eye to eye comes news Cam Newton’s timing issues with his passes are a “work in progress”.
    • While not explicitly saying there’s a difference between “throwing” and “throwing right”, Ron Rivera told The Athletic that Newton’s “had a good offseason. He’s done everything the trainers and doctors have asked of him, and he’s still got a little bit more work to go over the next 4 1/2, 5 weeks.”
    • What’s next? Derek Carr can’t practice because Jon Gruden took away his goth makeup eye black?
It’s his whole identity.
  • In leaked news sure to piss someone off, Todd Gurley’s personal trainer has confirmed arthritis in Gurley’s knees.
    • Right now talk is of decreasing Gurley’s frame & a Kawhi Leonard-esque “workload management” regimen.
      • Which thus lends credence to the decision to draft Darrell Henderson in the 3rd round of the draft.

Because there is practically nothing on right now, I might as well bore you with my current morning routine. After WineWife leaves for work & I’ve walked the dogs, I settle into my morning prepping for school by turning on the ICC Cricket World Cup, coming to me LIVE! from the UK.

The broadcasts start at 2:30AM Best Coast time. There’s a coin flip, and then one team starts their batting. I usually catch the matches by the time the other team starts their innings, around 7:30AM.

Stealing most of these details from Wikipedia, the World Cup format for the tournament is a single group of 10 teams, with each team playing the other nine once, and the top four at the end of the group phase progressing to the semi-finals. It is being played under ODI (One-Day International) rules, meaning there are 50 overs of six balls each. The first team to bat tries to get as many runs as they can out of their 300 balls, and then after lunch (seriously) the other teams attempts to run-down that total. Beyond that, Deadspin has a pretty good, common-sense explanation of the rules. I just enjoy trying to figure this shit out on the fly. It’s actually less boring than baseball.

In today’s match, England put up 397 runs in their 50 overs, including a 71-ball total of 148 (with a record 18 sixes) from Eoin Morgan. All Afghanistan could muster was 247 in response.

At this point, the round-robin aspect of the tournament is half-over, and England are on top:

The tournament continues until mid-July. For you Hippo types, Ladbrokes, among others, will take your bets. I’ve got a lot of South Asian kids in my program, and they watch with their parents before coming to school. It blew their minds that I knew the difference between Virat Kohli & MS Dhoni.

It’s sports; it’s live; and it beats the hell out of watching daytime TV.

Tonight’s sports:

  • Fútbol:
    • Copa América Brazil 2019:
      • Brazil vs. Venezuela – 8:00PM | TELMUN / TSN2
    • CONCACAF Gold Cup Soccer 2019:
      • Panama vs. Trinidad and Tobago – 7:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
      • USA vs. Guyana – 10:00PM | FS1 / TSN
  • College World Series:
    • Game 8: Vanderbilt vs. Mississippi State – 7:00PM | ESPN
  • MLB:
    • Angels at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • White Sox at Cubs – 8:00PM | ESPN+
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

These are the dog days my friends, when we lie between the end of the winter sports we enjoy & the start of their next seasons. If there are other sports to watch, let your fellow commentists know. We can get through this together.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you watch the Hasan Minhaj stuff on cricket? That was interesting ish.

2
Col. Duke LaCross

So these two pretty hot metal chicks (usually an oxymoron but not in this case) from my bowling league got pretty fucked up, so I offered to drive them to get Del Taco and give them a lift home.

While we were waiting at the drive-through, one of them bit me on the arm. Am I going to die? And isn’t weird shit like this supposed to happen in your twenties? I just rolled over forty.

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I have questions…..

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

But first I have to stop laughing.

1
Brick Meathook

Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

The funniest part is “drive them to get Del Taco”.

1
Col. Duke LaCross

That was their request, and the only thing open at 12:30!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

METAL CHICK: [suggestively] Hey, you got any man meat I can chew on?

CDLC: [offers arm]

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

I love the ending of Pulp Fiction. Hehehehehehehe….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvy4YH9–Vw

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Love that diner too. They are quite good.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh shit, I just googled it because I couldn’t remember the name.
It’s gone.

That sucks.

0
Brick Meathook

I’m at the tail end of a head/chest cold that I contracted over the internet from RTD who got it from tWBS in person.

By “worst part” I mean that I’m afraid to fart, because I might shit in my pants. Yet, I feel like farting a lot. Dear Abby: Please help. Abby replies: Don’t fart. Thank you for writing.

3
Brick Meathook

That’s some good thinkin’

1
Brick Meathook

Thank you for those kind words.

1
Brick Meathook

God bless us all.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO
I’m typing out the first episode of your “tWBS Sucks At Relationships” idea, just so you know.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

And I’m laughing my ass off.
Thank you for the suggestioning.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why didn’t you submit that to the Mailbag?

2
Brick Meathook

Now that you mention it, I should have,

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, I’m high. But Rick Astley was awesome. Fuck you if you disagree.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elp76GYNhbI

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I am considering Brick’s suggestion from earlier. But I’m telling you right now, I will need editing Balls. I will go off and say shit I should not say. And the names will have to be changed.

You in?

1
Brick Meathook

Balls is in, and nobody gives a shit about the names.

Start writing your masterpiece, Seamus.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Be careful what you ask for.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I think I might do the “Memento” style, and go backwards.
LOL….yeah, that’ll be funny.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

And I ain’t changing no names either.
This is gonna be fun.

0
Brick Meathook

Balls, tell him to change the names. Seamus: the story is interesting, not the names. Please proceed.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh like you don’t already know.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

And trust me, she ain’t coming back. I can’t make it worse.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

But I’ll do this….her chapter will be the last. Or maybe second to last.

If she pulls her head out of her own ass before then, I’ll change her name in that chapter.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I told you, be careful what you ask for.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

How about I call her Ionic Brunette?

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Actually, I kinda like that.

0
Brick Meathook

This is what you should write! Balls will clean it up, and I will read it and promote it.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I’ll do it. But her’s will be second to last.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

This is gonna take a while.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

This story is for scotchy and Fronkenshteen. May it help their rough times go better:

So, the neighborhood where I work is… not good. It’s in DTLA, but not the good DTLA. It’s in the square mile where pot distribution businesses are allowed to operate. We have hookers that are still working a block away from my office when I arrive at 6 AM. A few weeks ago, one of the pot businesses left ten large garbage bags of weed trimmings on our sidewalk. Abandoned. We have A LOT of homeless.

You get the picture.

Anyhoo, today at around noon, I’m summoned to the window to look at something. Usually, it’s crazy homeless doing something stupid. Usually, as a manager, I have to go outside and get them to do it elsewhere. Not fun.

Today was different. I get to the window and I see some cars parked across the street, but no crazy dudes.
Co-worker: Look at the white car!

Sure enough, even though the windows are tinted, we see a head bobbing up and down. The front driver’s seat is fully reclined and you can barely see some arms in the back.

This continues for, I shit you not, approximately 10 MINUTES! I don’t know if the guy took a blue pill or something, but it took a while. He, at a couple of points, grabbed the head and… directed it to make sure it was going the right way.

Note that I said “the head”. We can’t tell what the giver is. In this neighborhood, the options are more than 2.

Back at it again, they keep going. My boss decides he wants to go to the street and have a smoke. Several dudes go with him. As they head out, it appears the act has been consummated as the passenger door opens and the head spits onto the sidewalk.

A few minutes later, my boss and the rest pass by and clap as the car pulls out of the parking spot and drives away.

It turned out it was a lady doing the giving. She was… not particularly attractive.

Yes, people took video. Even the girls in the office.

3
Unsurprised

if the guy took a blue pill or something

Antidepressants can make a person last longer but not in a good or fun way.

0
litre_cola

I also enjoyed the garbage bags of weed story.

2
Brick Meathook

So . . . where’s the video?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll have to figure out a way to upload it…
It’s not exactly the kind of thing I’d post on YouTube…

0
Unsurprised

gfycat.com/create

0
Unsurprised

If it’s long enough, there’s SendVid or even Openload.co

1
Brick Meathook

Oh just post it. One day, I’ll tell you about when I was 14-years-old and me and my 12-year-old brother would sneak out in my parents car in the middle of the night and drive down to the red-light district of Washington DC at 2:00 AM with of course no money but oh the things we saw! Hell, I should write a post about that.

3
Unsurprised

Yes, you should.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

So, the neighborhood where I work is… not good. It’s in DTLA, but not the good DTLA. It’s in the square mile where pot distribution businesses are allowed to operate. We have hookers that are still working a block away from my office when I arrive at 6 AM.

You say this like it’s a bad thing.

2
Brick Meathook

The Chinese are buying up that neighborhood on the cheap. Welcome to the 21st century.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Toni Braxton is an attractive human being.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE

0
litre_cola

BGR, I too am a cricket fan. India will play England in the final I believe. When India played Pakistan this past weekend if you wanted to rob any house in Bradford or Luton you could because no one was home.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I think Australia has a shot.

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