Git Yer #BFIB On – Tis Midweek HATE Time!

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

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As we wait for real sports to begin again, one might note that the Most Glorious el Beisbol Cardinals are tied for first in the NL Central.  With the Bastard Man Small Bears, who come into #BFIB-land for a three game series, starting tonight.  Not that it matters so much in the larger picture, with Los Doyers, Noo Yawk, and the Dirt 500s being so far and away superior to all chllengers.

But fuck a duck, it matters to me.  KMOX made this Charlotte native, listening in on his childhood bedroom clock radio, a fan FOR LIEF.  My experience is fairly common for Southern folk of a certain age.

And I am not alone, as I would hazard a guess that a strong plurality of Commentist Party members favour the evil side in baseball loyalty.  As a contrast, us #BFIB have almost a true majority within the catacombs of DFO Politburo (including Internet Dad, obvs).

Autumn 2016 was a dark fucking time.  This stupid country elected an “out and proud” fascist to the Presidency, while baseball events shattered the Billy Goat Curse.  I watched not a single pitch of that off-season.  As a result, I am at least not ded by mah own hand.  But the well of despair…was deep indeed.

However, silver linings have appeared in the clouds.  Demmycrats took back the House in 2018.  I see two candidates in the 2020 field that I think (i) would likely win the general; and (ii) would make effective Presidents.  And the Cubs have not enjoyed a “Golden Era” of performance, as was universlly predicted.  The 2018 side choked away a yuuuuuuuge Division lead, then lost the one-game playoff to the Dirt Packers and then the wild card to the Dirt Donks.  I enjoyed Joe Maddon’s face.  You could tell he was smelling something other than his own beloved farts.

St. Louis went into 2019 hoping to get back to the 90-95 win plateau, and duke it out for Central supremacy.  Paul Goldschmidt joined the club.  Paul DeJong (aka Paulie Two Bases) blossomed into a legitimate superstar.  But…everything else fell to shit.

Thankfully, all other party invitees decided to join #BFIB in mediocrity.  Ain’t nobody no good.  Thus, you get to this series with sommet on the line, and a chance to bury the Small Bears good.  With a farm system ranked in MLB’s Bottom Five – the future has to be now for Chi*****.

I can put aside my own misgivings about Cardinals management, and a rash of discouraging decisions made with both roster and lineup.  I can focus on MAH HATE, which is always my happy zone.  The matchups:

30 July (8:15 EST, MLBN) – Yu Darvish v. Adam Wainwright

Waino hasn’t been as bad as feared, in his Swan Song season.  That’s not to say he’s been GOOD, mind.  Thankfully, neither has Darvish, and Chi**** will pay him lots of moneys to be not good for awhile.  Toss-up game, likely the rubber match.

31 July (8:00 EST, ESPN) – Kyle Hendricks v. Miles Mikolas

I absolutely LOVE Mikolas, a fast-working, soft contact-inducing reclamation project (failed MLB reliever who went to Japan and re-invented himself).  He is nicknamed The Lizard King for his famed Spring Training feat of eating a live lizard.  Baseballists are weird, yo.  But #BFIB just can’t hit Hendricks, and it always pisses me the fuck off.  Slight edge to Bastard Men.

1 August (7:15 EST, MLBN) – Jon Lester v. Jack Flaherty

Hopefully, trade winds bring a new starting pitcher (please please, Robbie Ray) into town, but not to start this’un.  Flaherty is a true gem, despite having horrible HR/FB luck (i.e., seemingly every fly ball he gives up leaves the yard – NAWT sustainable).  He’s been really effective in July, and to my eye test, has fully turned the corner.  Jon Lester is an asshole, and he kind of sucks now.  Strong edge to #BFIB, as long as a Redbird win is not needed to avoid a sweep (then asses will get tight).

Enjoy the games, and savage my kind in the comments.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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King HippoballsofsteelandfuryBrick MeathooktheeWeeBabySeamusUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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yeah right

yeah right

My dearest Mr. Hippo,
Allow me to retort.

You certainly know the deep esteem and absolute- dare I say even love!

That I hold for your most esteemed being.

You speak in a clear and cogent voice.
Despite your very Southern upbringings – better yet because of them – your voice for a clear conscience and a better fucking political system than this vile dung heap of hatred that we have now is not only wanted but it’s needed.

I so respect you!

But the fucking Cardinals?

Love the origin story don’t get me wrong I watched WGN every day at 1:10 when the Cubs were at home, that’s how I became a fan.

With obvious exception, your fan base is horrible.

Sully and TAWMMY are in Bar in Southie sayin, “Jesus Christ Sul. These Bastards are wicked haahsh!”

Fuck the Cardinals!

With all due respect.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The entire toasted ravioli choking city can go fuck themselves

yeah right

Now we’re talking.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m not sure why, but I immediately thought of Balls when I saw this.

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yeah right

Balls has that T-shirt.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Balls has that UFO

ballsofsteelandfury

Balls is buying that t-shirt

theeWeeBabySeamus

Really? You don’t know why?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Anyway, I have four months to achieve two goals I’ve settled on before I turn 40: Get down to 200 and learn to ride a bike. Ideally, those will happen in tandem. There’s a third that gets an extra month, to be able to visit L.A. for a good chunk of the holidays, but those are the big two.

At least that’s something I have control over.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hey did any of you guys watch that debate? Ha ha yeah me neither.

ballsofsteelandfury

I didn’t watch the debate or The Bachelorette.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I didn’t either but I like the write-ups

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I don’t even own a TV.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I don’t even own a computer.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I don’t even own a shoe.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Every post I make I dictate to my aides who then post them. I just sit here naked in my Barcolounger, admiring my extremely long and curly toenails and saving my urine in jars.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I was once like you. Then I got an Eames chair, consumed the urine, slaughtered the aides for food, and now things are going well.

But I agree, fuck pants.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’d like to do that but I’m busy running my empire into the ground and ingesting lethal amounts of codeine every day. It keeps a fella busy.

yeah right

I write shit on big rocks, throw them to Earth and these crazy zealots read them and do what they say!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I watched the debate and my blood pressure rose significantly

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

My blood pressure is fine. Why? Because I don’t watch debates and I’m sitting here buck naked.

Redshirt
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

So, what’s the most pragmatic body count that is acceptable to people who don’t see the immediate necessity of M4A or something even more comprehensive (the Philly hospital shut down by a P/E firm is proof that they need to be nationalized, too, or else that will just be where the leeches will concentrate)? How many millions of people is it okay to kill in the name of “realistic” politics and goals? Joe Biden’s plan will kill the population of Salem, Oregon every year so that insurance executives and shareholders maintain their wealth and stranglehold on the U.S. population. Every plan that isn’t M4A just kills slightly smaller cities. I mean, it’s a one-horse town, but that 125,000 human beings murdered for profit. That’s the alternative, which means there is no alternative.

So, yeah, what’s your starting death toll? How many hundreds of thousands, millions, of people are you going to kill? How many are you going to render invalid? How many are you going to make live in agony? How many are you going to bankrupt and financial, mentally, spiritually, and physically destroy? What’s the pragmatic opening bid since, obviously, zero isn’t on the table?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Man I’m old. What was wrong with MP3?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Is this like MC5?

Senor Weaselo

Uh, all of us? And the rest of us to be crushed at the jackboot of the high for eternity?

...

One of my favorite debate moments is when Delaney talked about how he was the only candidate familiar with the health care business and Bernie interjected “It’s not a business!”

Gratliff

My politics have changed and shifted and evolved over the years, but as long as I can remember, universal healthcare at any cost has been something I felt you have to support to consider yourself any sort of decent human being. It’s definitely a part of my core values at this point. Anything moving away from that is gladly accepting mass death for someone’s personal gain.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I get why people who are paid well to treat politics and elections like sports, but it’s not. We’re not talking about who’s starting for the Raiders or P*ts. Were talking about matters of life and death. I hope he remembers this, but the current NM Speaker of the House said something very true and very profound when were 1Ls – that in the abstract, virtually every decision the President of the United States makes means some people somewhere die. I want the person who strives to make it as close to zero every time, especially on the big things, because the big things are the ones where the numbers become so abstract that 125,000 extra dead per year isn’t that worrisome compared to how many already die for lack of insurance now. And there’s one, maybe two, candidates who are even talking about this election and about elections in general, in this way.

I’m not settling. I was dragged into politics as a kid and watched what compromise and low expectations gets even when you win, even when you win big, if you’re not a real leader with principles guiding you towards actually make life better for people. Fuck those people. And that’s where I am, where Obama was the best Republican president we’ve had since Nixon, maybe Ike, but his politics and stance were where Reagan was in the 1980s. So I’m not going to vote for another Republican with a D next to their name. I held my nose in 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012, and 2016 and I all I got for it was loathing for myself for not standing for something and loathing for the people who told me that the only path to success was not having principles. Maybe I’d be the Speaker of the House now if I hadn’t been so disgusted and angry at what I was seeing every day when I moved back home, or maybe I’d be somewhere worse, but at least I can respect myself for standing by some kind of principles. I will never vote for Biden, O’Rourke, Harris, or Buttigieg. Abstractly, my vote doesn’t matter. Oregon will always vote Democrat and the Electoral College exists. Right now my opinion only matters to the extent I do something about it because I’m not changing anyone’s mind and I don’t want to.

But anyway, “pragmatic” and “realistic” are and have for the last 35 years invariably been weasel words for “right-wing” and I am getting sick of people not acknowledging that. I’d love to have opposing counsel across from me as spineless and pliant as Democrats because their starting position always seems to be “You win, how much should we pay you for your time.”

Redshirt

(sees Trevor Bauer throw baseball over the centerfield wall like a petulant child)
“Look at this idiot.”

(Reds trade Puig and prospect for Bauer)
“Should’ve seen that coming.”

Senor Weaselo

Amir Garrett: “He threw the ball? Everyone knows you charge your opponent’s dugout!”

Redshirt

Yeah, this guy running in the enemy like Dilios at the end of 300 is soon to be our Closer once they trade Raisel Iglasius.

Senor Weaselo

Probably not for the next 10 games.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I missed the debate. Did someone show some moderate tendencies that can allow me to vote for them soberishly?

Gratliff

Bullock said some things about nuking Korea, I think

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Nate Bronze thought he had a great debate performance which should remind you Nate’s political instincts are shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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And his YouTube preferences.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Splended.

Senor Weaselo

Also, is Yankees Facebook/Twitter freaking out that they haven’t traded for a pitcher, to the point of “This team’s going to collapse and miss the playoffs?” I mean, you already know the answer.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

They’re aware the deadline is tomorrow, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Hey, it’s Last Comic Standing, except not named Last Comic Standing!

Gratliff

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Gratliff

Time for a reminder that CNN thought it was wise to hire top MAGA chuds to run its election coverage this cycle and formally announced its intentions to become FOX News Lite.

Gratliff

In certain respects, this is a baffling move by CNN. According to Politico, which first broke the news, Isgur will assume her editorial role at the network in March and “will coordinate political coverage for the 2020 campaign.” Isgur is a career political operative — she’s worked for Sessions, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), the Republican National Committee, and Carly Fiorina’s failed 2016 presidential campaign — but there is no indication that she has ever worked in any capacity as a journalist (unless you count appearing as a pundit on cable news, which you should not). CNN has hired a person with zero experience producing news to oversee the production of news.

Not only that, but the network has turned over its 2020 political coverage to a person who is more or less a walking conflict of interest. Politico notes that Isgur, because of her employment history, “will not play a role in covering the Department of Justice.” How on earth can a cable news channel have a political editor who can’t cover DOJ? The workings of the Justice Department are at the heart of some of the most critically important political stories of the Trump era. The Russia investigation and the special counsel’s office are going to be hugely important topics for the 2020 campaign, and Democratic candidates are likely going to spend considerable energy attacking DOJ policies that Isgur defended, such as Sessions’ legal assault on sanctuary laws for undocumented immigrants.

...

CNN is eager to put on air every clout-chasing former lobbyist or finance shithead, so this isn’t a surprise.

Sharkbait

Good Lord.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

America: Nobody but us should have nuclear weapons. If you try to get them, we will bomb and/or invade you.

Rest of the World: Um, why exactly is that?

America: Because only we can be trusted to use them responsibly. We are the moral leader of the world.

ROW: So, you won’t initiate a nuclear exchange?

America: Well, let’s not be hasty.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

So…who “won” the debate?

...

No one because debates are pointless

Dunstan
Dunstan

Me, because I’m drinking scotch

Sharkbait

Winner!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

100 to 0.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Amir Garrett, confirmed badass.

Amir Garrett just took on the ENTIRE Pittsburgh Pirates team. pic.twitter.com/PKlZe6ljb8

— Justin Russo (@FlyByKnite) July 31, 2019

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Gratliff

Mistakes were made

Senor Weaselo

LEEROYYYYYY JENNNNNNKINS!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

LOL. Spot on.

Redshirt

Okay, so its not a Bengals-Steelers thing. Its a Cincinnati-Pittsburgh thing.

Gratliff

Try as you may, you hip youngsters cannot shame an old square like me out of using ZOMG, hizzouse + for shizzle.This is America, goshdarnit!

— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) July 9, 2010

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