Why don’t teams have V-L-T (or draw) records? How did the short and curt ‘win’ win out? Is it because ‘victory’ is a bit melodramatic? Perhaps. I’d suggest a new word and that is ‘wictory’. It’s new and exciting and just rolls off Elmer Fudd’s tongue. TO THE GAMES!

Ravens/Chiefs:

All corneas should be on this one. There was lots of chatter about Arizony picking up the pace with Kingsbury showing up but the team that is the Hurry Up king so far is Baltimore at an average of 72.5 offensive plays per game. PFF’s highest ranked O player is… tight end Mark Andrews? They’ve remarked that he only plays 55% of the teams snaps and that is a travesty. But perhaps his grade is so high because of his limited participation?

Bengals/Bills:

Well, he’s gone and done it. Thanks to Singletary’s injury Frank Gore is the very first solid RB2 at the age of 36. Why? Because the Bengals are the worst tackling team in the league and Mr. Gore loves to break himself tackles. He’s got to go for at least 80 and a score.

Miami/Dallas:

The Fins are leading the league in fewest points scored, most sacks allowed, most INT’s allowed and most points scored against by opposing D’s. Call a family member rather than watch this Atrocity Exhibition.

Broncs/Pack:

Fantasy owners of Aaron Jones were the opposite of delighted at the news that coach LaFleur wants to up the number of touches that Jamaal Williams gets, creating a potential RBBC. Kudos go out to wr Sanders for his phenomenal recovery.

Falcons/Colts:

We were told that Brissett was a very conservative tosser of the football and this has been proven the first two weeks. No one aside from T.Y. has more than 40 yds. receiving so far. That’s a recipe for a losing record. Am I right, yeah right?

Raiders/Vikes:

Minny’s running game is all roses and pink unicorns but the same certainly can’t be said about Cousins and the passing game. Of the 42 players that have tossed at least one pass so far he ranks dead last. His QBR is a nasty 16.6-for comparison’s sake Mahomes is at 92.9. Sure he’ll get better but he won’t ever be good enough to take the Vikes to a conference championship game.

Jets/Pats:

The spread is 22.5. The Pats D hasn’t given up a TD yet. The Jets are playing their 3rd string qb. Is this what you want NFL? Really? Probably.

Lions/Eagles:

The Eagles secondary as a unit has handed opposing qb’s a 127 qb rating. They’ve just one INT and given up 5 TDs. Start Chubby Bubblegum. Now. By the by, you may want to pick up J.J. Arcega-Whiteside while he’s still cheap.

Did I miss anything? I hope not. There’s also some soccer going on. DAZN tells me that Sassuola/SPAL, Brom/Hudder, HAM/MAN, Lecce/Napoli, Palace/Wolves, Chelsea/Liver and Arse/Aston among many others are on offer this morning.

Have at it.