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It’s Halloween Week here at [DFO] and I’ve got a number I’m working on so I won’t be spending too much time on the text here. Instead, please get to work on your below Week 8 Quotables submissions.
2019 Quotables – Week 8 (Submissions)
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[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 8 (Submissions) – October 29, 2019 […]
/Hail to the Chief plays
*record scratch
“You’re probably wondering how I got myself into this predicament. Well, it all started when…”
“….so, to avoid a fate with a noose around your neck like me, just say no to Russian hookers pissing on the bed.”
Incorrect form on the Heimlich, no Life Saving Merit Badge for you.
What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here? I hired you boys to play football, not dance around like a bunch of Kansas City*
*Cut to commercial
Who hired Zapruder as a camera operator?
The Somali pirates watching this in the wardroom of their latest prize think these guys give their industry a bad name.
J. Buck: “Ohmydog, those fans aren’t regular fans…they’re zombies and…this is just disgusting…they’re devouring him like…like some kind of orgy…a feeding frenzy of manflesh!!! Oh, the horror!”
Marvel rejected his suggestion of a “Steely McIbeam” solo movie as “a meth-induced fever dream” and “shit that DC would try to do.”
Sam Darnold’s ghostsight is more contagious than his mono.
Deacon Jones: /cums
Matt Gaetz thought the “Lock Him Up” chant was about the chastity cage Trump had fitted for him.
Uf, that play AND he has to live in Buffalo?
“See! They love to entertain their owners.”
–The Ghost of Jerry Richardson
Worst bachelorette party ever.
Pictured: Steve Lattimer shortly after the latest mill closing.
Whoever has the highest leg kick gets Pineiro’s gig
?
Happy Birthday, buddy! I got you two months off for your gift!
?
How are people still struggling with the Cha Cha Shuffle in 2019? More importantly, why is anyone still doing it in the first place?
The Bears receivers run through their new pre-game warm-up, Trubisky Anticipation Drills. The defensive backs have declined further participation.
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STARTING AUDIENCE!! PLACE IN THE STANDS!! WOOOOO!!!!!
Darby Allin’s Dad embraces nihilism.
Now I want to see GG Allin’s dad’s costume.
Gonna go out on a limb and hypothesize that they might not have had a great relationship.
World’s #1 deadbeat loser reacts to G/O burning down its own house.
The Onion is about to die, too, which totally sucks.
The idea of this fat fucking loser throwing a pitch is funnier than anything else I’ll be able to muster.
So, uh…want a chip? They’re sour cream and onion. No, go ahead, it’s OK…just lost my appetite, actually.
“But, Coach, there was a bunch of guys! One of them should have caught it!”
“Dammit, Baker! Not THAT Guy!”
This week in Packers Community Service Month…trying to teach the fans to dance.
This week in Bears Community Service Month…yeah, it’s not working there either, is it?
Agreed; the play failed long before yakity sax could be deployed.
Melania: Smile…wave…crap, smile again…wave…thank GOD that’s done. Now I can go back to pretending I’m in my happy place.
People forget that Cincinnati and London are Sister Suplex Cities
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Well, one Donald had a good week.
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If you watch it in slow motion, you can see the exact moment all of their bile pumpers broke.
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Pictured: The first segment on “Jacked Up” featuring the Bucs.
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“I really wish they didn’t take away my dildos at the gate.”
“Well, there’s Big Bull. But that’s for me.”
I haven’t seen a train wreck in Tennessee that bad since 1918.
Deep cut with a link.
Sometimes I like to pretend I’m a writer for Archer.
What’s that smell? I can’t place it
– dude in the back after shaking hands with Trump
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Roughing the passer against the Patriots opponent, 15 yds, automatic first down.
Don’t make him mad
-A Freeman
Dia De Los Jortos
three more
two more
one more
take it to the right
just a bit wide right. again
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“The Jets have announced a trade for with their first pick in the 2020 NFL. They will receive Baker Mayfield from the Browns, in exchange for their first round pick this year, 2021, 2022, and 2023.”
-R. Goodell, the first time the boos weren’t directed at him.
If you picture Mayfield as the other 15 AFC teams, and the ball as the conference championship, the metaphor comes at you like Kevin Spacey during Fleet Week.
“Look at us on the MaxiTeev. Biggest ever, just tremendous.”
(deafening Adderall shart)
Even Barron was smart enough to know what was going to happen and avoided this situation. That, or else he really fucking hates his dad. Or else both.
THIS, UH, GUY LAWRENCE GUY I CALL HIM ICHABOD CRANE CAUSE HE DEFEATS PEOPLE WHOSE HEADS ARE CONCEALED BY BULBOUS ORANGE THINGS.
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