I did know I was slated to author the Arizona Cardinals (sometimes referred to in #HIPPO as the Qardinals, a fun — if gimmicky — alternate spelling that gives a tip of the red made-in-China MAGA cap to the states far-right leaning populous but is probably also the way many citizens may actually spell the franchise name because Arizona is 49th in education which, as I read this, probably has something to do with their far-right leaning populous because those people are DUM). I also knew the Cardinals bye week was late in the season so as I checked in on the team — mostly through my religious devotion to listening to the Cardinals Talk post-game call-in show — and saw that Week 12 had already come and gone, I knew I owed you all some redbird update.

Now, I don’t have much to add to the 2019 Cardinals preview from August….

…so I’ll keep this here post focused on the most narrow scope considered — a mid-season evaluation of the 2019 Arizona Cardinals.

The 2019 Arizona Cardinals are on the bye sitting at 3-7-1 and enjoying a four-game losing streak. This record is good for buck-naked last in the NFC West and the preseason banter, “They might not win anything but at least they’ll be entertaining,” generally ringing true. This team has wins over CIN, NYG, and ATL — who have a combined total of FIVE wins — and have probably one win left in their final five weeks (either vs PIT or vs CLE).

This team will be last in the division (again). David Johnson will end the season as a fantasy bust (again). And the Cardinals defense — the only “phase of the game” I really expected anything out of — has been a statistical disaster. 31st in total yards per game (415.2). 28th in points allowed per game (28.8). They allow more first downs per game (24.1) than anyone and are second-to-last in giving up third-down conversions (opponents convert on 46% of third downs). Chandler Jones, who leads the league in sacks (12.5), is the high point of this defense.

The 2018 edition of the Cardinals, which was an absolute shit show, did not have as poor of defensive numbers as this squad. But the offense — which is really the Kliff Kingsbury KScheme (the third K is silent) — has generally delivered. I’m not saying it makes me happy — I want to see this franchise go o-for-the-remainder-of-the-21st-century — but it’s the truth. Surprisingly, the Air Raid has been most effective because Kingsbury calls a fantastic running game. Kind of an obvious extension of general football practice but, when Kingsbury can spread out the defense and relax the pressure in the box, this sets up for some big plays. I think the best (because it includes lots of visuals) piece I’ve read about Kingsbury’s offense this year is actually from USA Today here.

That all said, this scheme is new and, in the spirit of “once there is some film on these guys”, I will just point out that the Cardinals faced the 49ers #2-ranked defense twice in the last month. In the first meeting, Arizona picked up 442 yards (408 of that passing). In the second game, they earned only 357 yards on a more-balanced 153 rushing yards and 204 passing yards. The only other top-10 defense they’ve faced, New Orleans, gave up only 237 yards (197 passing yards) and nine points to Arizona. So this offensive scheme can wreck bad teams and throw a curveball to — but not yet defeat — good teams. Sounds like a college system alright.

But to circle this all back to my preseason post and the underlying motivation of this franchise–

— the 2019 Cardinals are a success. Even in this SB Nation article about Vance Joseph’s horrendous defense, the author channels his inner nonexistent spine of Will Hurd (R-ussian Asset) and deflects hot seat level blame from Joseph to General Manger Steve Keim for building the roster….and then immediately gives Keim a pass because he drafted Kyler Murray. It’s the exact run-out-the-perpetual-clock strategy that Mike “Can’t Go Cry to Daddy Anymore!” Bidwill has hoped for. Because when everyone is responsible, no one is really responsible. So what if the defense for which Keim assembled the complete personnel — from drafts, through free agency, and selecting the coordinator — is worst in the league? He also drafted the guy who HAD to come with the Kingsbury hire from the first overall spot (meaning Keim didn’t have to wheel or deal to get that opportunity).

The Arizona Cardinals are on pace to be last in the division again and set up for another top-ten draft pick — and they will easily coast into 2020 with the same personnel who built this disrespectable franchise because they’re nothing more than a bunch of drunks and rapists and if the Trump administration has taught us anything, it’s that drunks and rapists stick together no matter what — especially when there is profit to be had off of suckers in red hats.

And there is plenty of profit to made off these rubes.