Welcome again to What We Drank Last Night.  In-depth beer, wine and liquor reviews are great, but the average North American has neither the time nor the attention span for “notes of smoked blueberry” and “nuances of toast.”  WWDLN is more like if Robert Parker was a methed-up ferret.

Here’s the required format, as set forth in The Holy Writ:

• A picture of the beverage, if available. Can be a stock shot, still life in a glass or being poured over an attractive person’s body.
• A one-sentence description of the beverage.
• One sentence about about what you liked or didn’t like (herbal, too sweet, tastes like Andy Reid’s taintsweat, etc.)
• A picture or gif representing your rating of the beverage, preferably in a humo(u)rous manner.

This week, we’re staring the Single Greatest Mainstream Holiday in the face and we need to know what to stock up on.

(American) Thanksgiving is the best, because you have 1. all the best foods, 2. none of the gift shopping and giving pressure, 3. relatively benign family traditions, 4. Blackout Wednesday, and of course 5. football as far as the eye can see.  Also: there’s no such thing as a Hallmark Channel Thanksgiving Movie- at worst, you get a James Bond marathon.

As such, our focus is purely ‘Murican this week.  I will be using a Chappelle’s Show rating scale, but feel free to use your own.  It’s easy- feel free to play along in the comments.

AYRES 2015 Willamette Valley Pinot Noir

DESCRIPTION: the Platonic Ideal of a reasonably-priced ($20) pinot noir. Little chocolate, little cherry, not too heavy- doesn’t feel like it’s staining your teeth, but it’s not watery.

RATING:

RED TAIL RIDGE DRY RIESLING (Finger Lakes, NY)

DESCRIPTION: Dry riesling from Western New York (Woo!). Way less sweet than your average riesling, much more complex than most whites- limestone and a little apple. My favorite white wine.

RATING:

OLD GRAND-DAD BONDED BOURBON

DESCRIPTION: Bonded means it’s the product of one distiller at one distillery during a single distillation season and then aged at least 4 years at 50% ABV. I was told this tends to make these whiskeys a little more like single-malt scotchs- prone to weirdness, but more interesting on the whole. This one was pretty good- very sweet, despite the higher rye content; it was on the level with my go-to Buffalo Trace at a cheaper price.

RATING:

AVERY’S SAMAEL’S OAK AGED STRONG ALEDESCRIPTION: Um…it’s an oak-aged strong (16.3% ABV) ale! It was also terrible, when it should have been beautiful. They finally made a beer too sweet for me. Bravo, you fucking clowns.

RATING:

PERENNIAL SUBURBAN BEVERAGE GOSE

DESCRIPTION: “Gose” is apparently still a thing, so I decided to try a local one that had made a national Top 11 list. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ASSHOLES? Salt and coriander? Man, fuck you beer snobs.

RATING:

YOUR TURN NOW BITCHES!