“Over”? Did you say “over”? NOTHING is over until OUR CORPORATE OVERLORDS decide it is!

That’s right, friends, you have not yet escaped the clutches of the “holiday” season. Not just because there are seventy-one more nights of Hannukah (MORE SOCKS AND NOTEBOOKS!!!) or the run-up to Drinking Amateur Night. Nor even the fact that today is the start of Kwanzaa (You didn’t even know that, did you? Raycess). Not even because they Keep. Playing. Christmas. Music. Everywhere.

No, today marks the start of Regretsmas, the 14 day period dominated by disappointment, remorse and after-Christmas sales. That purple-and-green striped mohair sweater that Aunt Gladys bought you special in Italy? At least it’s the right size! You spent your first Christmas with your significant others’ family and now you’re questioning that marriage discussion you had at Thanksgiving? At least you’ll never have to discuss your former-future-mother-in-law’s psoriasis over her dried-out turkey again.  Staring down another new year with little to show for it other than less hair on top of your head and more in your ears? HAPPY REGRETSMAS, BITCHES! JUST WAIT FOR THE MID-JANUARY “OH GOD IT’S SO GRAY” FESTIVAL!!!!

Thank Jeebus for Footbaw. This year, most of us are pretty happy or resigned to our football fates at this point (WOOO!). There are relatively few bubble teams, and I don’t think any honest fan of those teams would say theirs was robbed if they miss out. Pending, of course, the inevitable  massively blown call in the Cowpersons game, regardless of who benefits. The rest of us get to watch the hobo fight that is the NFC LEast play out without any interest except enjoying the butthurt of the Dallas or Philly Fanbase. Or you can do multivariate calculus trying to figure out NFC seedings.

Tonight, we have…very little on the Sportsball front. Other Spurs play the Dallas Cubans at 7pm DFO Standard on TNT, followed by Trailblazers vs. Team Big Big Love at 9:30. There’s also the “Quick Lane Bowl”, “starring” Pitt and Eastern Michigan at 7 on ESPN.

Personally, I suggest you break out that Police Academy Boxed Set you got and go to town. Mission to Moscow is seriously underrated as a cinematic achievement