Your “It’s Almost Over And We Learned So Little” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Shall we get right at it? We shall.

TO THE GAMES!

Jets/Bills:

[shakes head] The Jets won 6 games? How? Anyhow, it’s not a far reach to posit that as a kid, Josh Allen must have thrived during ‘unstructured playtime’.

Browns/Bengals:

Much like Sex Panther, this game smells like Bigfoot’s dick. One must give Cincy props though, they dug themselves into a giant hole and now they have a Burrow.

Packers/Detroit:

December 29, 2019-mark this day as the last time you’ll ever hear the name David Blough. “He did his best, but his best was not nearly good enough”.

Chargers/Chiefs:

As noted last week, the Chiefs suddenly Hetty Green-like D (only an average of 9.6 points given up over the last 5 games) throws a spanner in the works of the playoffs. The Chargers now enter their “Eli Phase” whereby a clearly ineffective player long past his prime insists he can still play and the powers that be think it would be poor form to force him into retirement/bench him.

Bears/Vikes:

Minny is locked into the #6 seed so look for them to rest some dudes. By keeping Truth Biscuit behind center, Chicago fans can look forward to the O spinning its wheels for at least the next few years.

Fins/Inveterate Cheaters:

Brady has stuck his dick in Miami’s blowhole 15 times at home and has only been denied the one time. Many kudos to coach Flores for a job well done, despite every single member of the front office and ownership handcuffing him every step of the way.

Falcons/Bucs:

I’m sure that if I left this game out of the intro not a soul would have noticed. That said, Jameis will throw a pic in his 1st or 2nd series-it’s kind of a good luck thing with him. It ensures that he’ll toss a few more along the way to 350+ yards.

Saints/Panthers:

New Orleans will put this one to bed and then watch the Niners to see if they end up as the #1 or #2 seed.

Type to your heart’s content below.