Your “Don’t Hand Me No Lines” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes: kind of quiet in advance of the games

  • Agent Drew Rosenhaus has conditionally terminated his relationship with Antonio Brown.
    • He has gone through the process of informing the league and the NFLPA, so as not to risk damage to his ability to work with both in the future.
      • And if you want to dive deep into some veiled anti-semitism without logging onto Twitter, have a gander at PFT’s user comments about Rosenhaus.
    • He says he will rescind this termination if Brown seeks counselling and “help” for the issues he’s currently facing.
  • Since none of the Championship game participants wants to talk, how about a little Joe Burrow news:
    • The Bengals are very impressed with Burrow’s level of maturity & “pocket presence”.
      • Conveniently, they are some of the coaches for the Senior Bowl next weekend.
        • Burrow has not declared if he will attend.
    • In the LSU postgame celebration, Burrow said OBJ handed out real cash to players.  
      • Burrow isn’t afraid of repercussions because he’s done, but some other players might have eligibility issues as a result.
        • And it might force LSU to have to “dissociate” itself from Beckham, the way USC had to with Reggie Bush, to avoid punitive sanction.
  • Fallout continues for OBJ from the LSU game.
    • He faces arrest for slapping the butt of a NOLA PD officer in the LSU locker room.  
      • A warrant was issued against him for simple battery.
        • The PD initially sought a warrant for sexual battery, but were denied.
    • Thanks to that warrant, he now faces a hearing for violating the NFL’s ambiguous Personal Conduct Policy.
      • For the battery charge, “crimes against law enforcement, such as obstruction, resisting arrest, or harming a police officer or other law enforcement officer”.
      • For the LSU money, “conduct that undermines or puts at risk the integrity of the NFL, NFL clubs, or NFL personnel”.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: (all Canadian games are regional broadcasts only)
    • Lightning at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
    • Nuggets at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s hoops:
      • Cincinnati at Memphis – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • Colorado at Arizona State – 9:00PM | ESPN2
      • Oregon at Washington State – 9:00PM | FS1
    • Women’s Hoops:
      • Stanford at Oregon – 9:00PM | ESPN

Seamus has you tomorrow night with his particular inspirations, I’ll have something general for Saturday because I’ll be drinking from 11:00AM on a stag, and Scotchy’s got you on Sunday for the Championship games. WHAT A LINEUP!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

This Lev guy reminds me of every time some death row exoneration occurs where the only evidence was a fictional confession supposedly made to one of these professional snitches who make up stories for lazy prosecutors in return for perks and time off. He’s a fucking deadbeat liar like all of these fucking assholes, and whether or not what he says is true, the fact that he is who and what he is and that he’s crafted such a fantastic story that implicates all the right people just reeks of bullshit. That these same idiots have tried to ratfuck the press and cops before with this kind of story and that the credulity and reason of supposed journalists disappears whenever there seems to be a scoop on Trump is further reason to be both doubtful and also again note that legacy journalists and cable/tabloid news alike keep making Trump’s own case against them about Fake News over and over again.

Unsurprised

For all the libs who say they love The Wire and that is was the best show on tv, none of them seem to remember the single most recognizable line from the whole thing: You come at the king, you best not miss.

They are missing so badly that after more than four years, I cannot fully dismiss suspicions that it’s intentional.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want to have like four more martinis, but instead I have to go to bed so I can recharge a little bit before my early morning date with Excel and Word.

Brick Meathook
Viva La Tabula Raza

As geology students, me and my compadres thought this was the most fucking brilliant movie of all time. Time has not worn away that opinion.

Say, mister. Will you stake a fellow American to a meal?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s some brilliantly written and delivered dialogue. God DAMN does he talk fast.

Unsurprised

Paul Blart is trying to shake down OBJ. That’s what this looks like.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There an “Orange Julius” joke here but it’s just out of reach.

Game Time Decision

If only there was a way to Segway to that joke

Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

When I’m gone, please cremate me and mix my ashes up in a pound of killer weed, and invite all my friends over to bong rip me to oblivion.

Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think I’d maybe feel better about doing that if we just had a big bonfire with the weed instead, and I’d stand downwind. Smoking you directly would be weird.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Like I would know? Give it hell, amigo.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, weird for me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve just poured myself a big mug of hot tea and have instant remorse that it isn’t scotch instead

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ha! I just poured out a 3 oz scotch nightcap.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s like you’ve never even *heard* of a scotch toddy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t sully my good scotch

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like that you used the word “sully” in a derogatory sense, like a true Scotsman would.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWkSB-D-hYo

Viva La Tabula Raza

If you buy a blend instead of a single malt, “sully” is kind of a moot point.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which is fair, because cream liqueur is runny dogshit

rockingdog
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That logo in the top left looks like it says “STAB” and I think it’s great that Ray Lewis started his own production company.

rockingdog

That sweet duck dive at the end is the cherry on top

TheRevanchist

That soundtrack has some gems.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I bet Trump and Co. are pleased as punch that Ukraine is indeed finally launching an investigation, just like they asked.

rockingdog

Found a funny:
When I hear someone say, “chicken pot pie,” I get excited three times.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if any of the cannabis shops around here are producing that as an edible. It seems like a gold mine to me.

BC Dick

Puré brilliance. Not sure how they’d inject it into the chickens but I’ll be first in line when they figure it out.

Sharkbait

Evening peoples.

Sharkbait

Watching the Ice GIants-Ice Jets matchup. Rather entertaining so far.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Allegedly

rockingdog

Woff

rockingdog
TheRevanchist

Hold hands with some smooth boyfriend PB and you got the recipe for love.

Gratliff

Fuck the NFL, Fuck the NCAA’s archaic bullshit, and fuck that lame ass cop

King Hippo

Just think what kind of fucking asshole you have to be to file charges over that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The same kind of fucking asshole that makes a person want to be a cop, I guess.

TheRevanchist

I’m getting ready to be a negative nelly:

I’m so tired. Wife is still recovering. Kids in school and activities. At work, I’m building budgets (zero sum) and helping with SAP stuff and mock recalls and have meetings upon meetings. I’ve skipped so many meetings lately to make things happen. This shit is not fun. I’m ready for a vacation I cannot have until maybe August time frame. Even a two day weekend without work would be fine. FUUUUUHHHH

Redshirt

Same here. At work, I’m now doing my new job and my previous job and my boss is having me help out on a third thing. I’m nearing the point where I need a cloning device or a flying monkey army to accomplish all my assigned tasks.

Redshirt

Thanks to the dark ages of Winter, I’m into a Star Trek: DS9 binge, and I’m finding myself very fascinated by Weyoun, masterfully performed by Jeffrey Combs. While he is an obviously evil character who doesn’t hesitate to do evil things and at a moment notice can be downright vicious and heartless, at times he seems to be genuinely polite and almost innocent. While he was created by the Founders (big bad) and programmed to obey them, at times when he isn’t promoting their agenda, he seems to be very polite to the good characters and confused and almost disheartened when they tell him to shove it. In one episode “In the Cards”, he actually does something nice to someone without any motive or profit to himself or his masters.

If you’ve didn’t read any of that, can we at least agree that Jeffrey Combs is an actor whose talents was wasted in character actors and voice character actor roles, and we will never ever in our entire lives be as happy as Weyoun playing Dabo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOz4tudIDV0

Redshirt

Alternate Universe was a nice change of pace but someone forgot to tell them the Mirror Universe doesn’t mean the opposite of all female characters is “lesbian overtones, lesbian undertones and bi because why not?!”. Plus, there are some plot holes in the story.

“Shattered Mirror”: “ISS Defiant’s not ready? No problem, lets get the USS Defiant over here with a trained crew. We’ve seemed to forget we used the Wormhole to get over here in the first place. Why are we using the teleporter again?”

“The Changing Face of Evil”: “Oh no, the Defiant is destroyed! What are we going to do?!” (one Mirror teleport away) “Hi, guys! I’m calling a solid You-Owe-Me. I’m assuming you have a fleet of Defiants since you have a whole empire to fight against. Can I borrow one or two? You only have one?! How are you keeping an evil empire from not killing all of you with one ship?!”

“The Emperor’s New Cloak”: “So are we not going to discuss how the Mirror of a hologram is a real person and that Mirror Jadzia died when our Jadzia died, but our Odo, Quark, Rom and Nog don’t follow the same restrictions?”

But its not just the Mirror Universe episodes that has issues.

“The Search Part I”: “Now, team. Our mission is to find the Founders and convince them the Federation is not a threat to them and that all we want is to peacefully coexist with them. So lets invade their territory by flying in a cloaked warship, talk to a township trustee and not the Vorta whose only reason for living is to serve the Founders, and then lets break into a secret Dominion establishment and break into their files to find out where the Founders are.”

Like I said, I’m in one hell of a binge.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What in the fuck are you guys even talking about?
—60-year-old me

Redshirt

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, the Star Trek series that aired after Next Generation but before Voyager.

Viva La Tabula Raza

OK, I know I watched that for a while, but probably lost the plot as I turned 40 when that was being broadcast and I entered my mid-life crisis. I like the Rene Auburjonois (sp?) character (he was also Father Mulcahy in the original M*A*S*H film) and the short little horrible bar owner with the giant ears. They had a ST:TNG themed bar at one of the Vegas hotels that I drank at back 10 or 12 years ago right before it closed. I’m too drunk right now to look up any of this to post links, but you probably know what I am talking about.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t like OBJ, but fuck this latest round of criticism

TheRevanchist

Idk. I mean, the guard was telling everyone to put out their cigars, then OBJ goes and slaps him on the ass. It’s simple assault, and he’s a celebrity. It will be community service and a small fine. Well, in most states. Maybe not Louisiana where everyone is a racist.

Redshirt

Sexual battery was one hell of an overreach. Even Simple Battery is a bit too much. I would’ve gone with something equivalent to disrupting a police officer from performing their duty, and had him show up at the next Police Department fundraiser and glad-hand some donors. Problem solved, now we can go back to real shit that’s wrong with the world.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah but did you see what the cop was wearing?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve seen enough Halloween costumes of cops to know that it was probably sexy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m actually the opposite. I am relatively indifferent to him, and from what I’m reading here it sounds like he’s creating unnecesary problems for himself and others.

Col. Duke LaCross

Not sure how I ended up down the “Very Cavallari” rabbit hole, but it’s oddly comforting to see Jay Cutler’s extreme disinterest also carries over into his own family life. He’s also the most entertaining thing about this program.

Oddly enough, today is the ninth anniversary of the last time the Bearistocrats won a playoff game.

herodotus450

Even if OBJ’s money was fake, as some* were quick to claim, that would still be giving a gift of fake money to the players, which is still an impermissible benefit, as far as I can tell**.
*: aka braindead morans
**: disclaimer though, I have not passed my NCAA regulations exam, where you are required to cover your ears and close your eyes and repeat out loud, “I didn’t see anything, I didn’t hear anything”

Game Time Decision

*** you’re also supposed to throw common sense (gently) out the window. Can’t have it getting hurt.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[throws common sense out window]

[accidentally has it caught for a touchdown]

– Patrick Mahomes