I read a very good book yesterday.  Advanced copy.  I love knowing people who can steal things for me.

I’m only just joking about the stealing.  She works in the publishing industry, it was legal.

But the book has only just been released.

Its author is Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt.

Yes, her father is Arnold.  Yes, her mother is Maria Shriver.  Yes, her husband is Chris Pratt.

So also yes, when this book was recommended to me, I thought ….  OH HELL NO!!!!!

I was wrong.

The Gift of Forgiveness: Inspiring Stories from Those Who Have Overcome the Unforgivable

We’ve all been wronged.  At least that’s how we perceived the situation in the moment.  Maybe we WERE wronged.  Maybe we weren’t.  The distinction in the moment doesn’t really matter.  We felt we were wronged.  And it changed how we felt about a lot of things.

Which then led to us feeling differently about the person we felt wronged us.  It led us to feel differently about life in general maybe.  But worst of all?  Perhaps it led us to feel differently about ourselves.

It’s easy to remember when people have hurt us.  But flip that around for a second, and really think on it.

Whether maliciously or not, most of us have hurt other people at times.  We probably didn’t mean to.  Miscommunication, misunderstandings, bad timing maybe.  It happens.

I know I have.  I never meant to.  But it has happened.  And I’ve always tried to make amends when I’ve realized my mistakes and caused someone else to feel in a way I most definitely did not intend.

Some folks listen.  Some do not.  And that’s a thing I’ve had to accept.  I can control how I react in those situations.  But I cannot control how they receive it.  And there’s only so much effort you can put forth to try to make amends before you’re just digging the hole deeper.  Making it worse.  Both for you and the other person.

Sometimes it will never get fixed.  That depends upon the personalities of the people involved.  But occasionally, if you just back the hell off for a while, the other person might come around.  The keyword there being “might”.  And there’s no way to know if that will happen for sure either way.

But you can’t live your life in that purgatory.  It does no one any good.  But you do have control over yourself and your own behaviour and/or reactions.  In the moment, it’s often difficult to do that.  When another person hurts you, whether it’s intentional or not?  You feel the emotional fallout of it.  No way around that.  It can get the better of you.

It did for me a few years ago.  Which is a big understatement.

I was nearly batshit insane because of a situation which killed me emotionally for a while and which I had no control over.  And I ended up causing emotional harm to the person who caused it.  Or at least believe I likely did, even though it was not my intention.

In the moment I couldn’t see the big picture.  Time has given me perspective, however.  I’ve gotten over the pain, the hurt.  I can look back now and see that she couldn’t help but do what she did.  In fact, in the moment I should have seen that.

I just didn’t want to.  That’s my fault.

But I did learn from the experience.  That is also important.  Perhaps the most important.

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People and situations are going to hurt you.  Most will be unintentional.  Some will be malicious.  But regardless of either, holding a grudge hurts you more than it does the other person.

That’s a difficult lesson to learn.  And it’s far from a black/white situation.  I get that.  Every time it happens in life, the emotions kinda take over.

But the faster you can get over it.  THE FASTER YOU CAN MOVE TO FORGIVENESS …

Whether it’s truly deserved or not?  The better off YOU will be going forward.

Now, go read this book.

The list of people Ms. Schwarzenegger Pratt interviewed, and their stories?  Much more intense and severe than most of us have experienced.

Well if it doesn’t bring you to tears then you  have no soul.  And after reading it I had to look inside myself and realize I’ve got it pretty damned good in life in spite of some emotional/romantic setbacks.  All of which really don’t matter in the long run.

So, better for me to let go of them than hold onto the hurt.

It’s a simple concept, even if sometimes it’s not easy to do.  But if you can get over that hump, it’s better.

Love ya’s.

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