Instant Hippo Thoughts – Divisional Sunday (2018 Season)

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

After a season chock-full of entropy, the Divisional Round returned us to normalcy.  #1 v. #2, both AFC and NFC.

By the time one had made Q1’s K-Cup of coffee…the early match was pretty much in the barn.  Clippers du Merde were playing their second consecutive “10 am body clock” game, and this time it showed.  New England beat the tar shit out of King Laserface, the run game was non-existent, and apparently whoever was supposed to guard/tackle JEWKAH was asleep in meetings.  Only two, very sad garbage time scores made it look almost respectable, 41-28.  But it was 35-7 at the half – and even that was only due to some poor P*ts’ clock management during their 2-minute drill.

Wanna bet that’s ALL Grumblelord could talk about after the win?  Anyway, it’s onto Sunday night in (likely frigid) Kansas City, for the Dark Lord to face everybody’s favourite “Nice Guys Finish Last” Andy Reid.  I bet the early Chefs moneyline, at -145.  The spread has toggled between 2.5 and 3.  Should be a fun game.

We got more of a treat in the late window, with the Iggles surprising everyone by running out to a 14-zip lead.  The Saints looked half dead – until Sean Payton called a fake punt inside his own 35…and made it.  He also went for it on 4th and goal from the 2, making it again.

You can’t just judge the strategy by the fact that it worked.  These were calculated moves from a coach who understands the important of leverage and momentum, especially in the playoffs.  You put your entire nutsack on the table, or you don’t belong there in the first place.

Anyway, after that I think PHI converted maybe 4 or 5 first downs the remainder of the game.  A rejuvenated defense kept them in it (forcing a 52-yard FG that missed, giving Big Dick Nick a shot, down 6 with 3 minutes to play).  But move over Cody Parkey, it’s Alshon Jeffrey’s turn in the barrel this week.  A pretty easy catch slipped right through his hands and into the Saints’ defensive backs.  He didn’t drop it, and Philly couldn’t even get it back for a wacky lateral play.  20-14 is the surprisingly low-scoring final (the o/u was 52.5).

Unlike the AFC, where both winners looked like machines – each NFC participant showed some cracks.  One suspects RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! can’t just ride CJ Anderson over the NFL’s best run defense.  And Saints faithful have to be concerned that the Breesus Machine continues to sputter in terms of producing points.  Remember that Two of the Good Ones was on (temporary) IR for the first meeting, back in Week 9.  If he can force Drew to look away from Michael Thomas – we might have a good game on our hands early, too.  Early spread is 3, but on the verge of 3.5.  That seems about right to me.  I haven’t bet it, and likely will not.

Just three more games left before Sports Winter’s icy grip.  May the good Lord bless us with a re-match of that badass Chefs/RRRRRRRRRAM IT!! Monday nighter from not-Mexico.  Amen, hallelujah.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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CuntlerHoratio CornblowerMoose -The End Is Well NighballsofsteelandfuryWakezilla Recent comment authors
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Cuntler

I just wanted to check in to say fuck Alshon Jeffrey. He dogged it for years in Chicago, sat out more than a season’s worth of games due to “hamstring” and “soft tissue” injuries, complained about the weather (in comparison to subtropical Philadelphia?), and the Bears still offered him a huge contract. He took less in Philly because working with Jay Cutler will do that to a person, but he acted like such a petty dick last week. He talked shit about the City of Chicago, acted like they cut him (they didn’t!) and then tried to show up the fans and the crowd after Parkey’s miss because he was so good and the Eagles play was so transcendent, apparently, and not because Cody Parkey is worse than the AIDS epidemic. Fuck him and his slow ass bad route running and bad hands. Fucking bitch. Nice catch, asshole. I hope you die.

/breathes

That felt good.

Cuntler

Also, I forgot the PED suspension. I like how his bitch ass got blocked to the ground after the interception. He really schadened my freude, you guys.

ballsofsteelandfury

We’ve missed you, buddy!

Horatio Cornblower

Eh

Cuntler

You sound like my wife.

Wakezilla

Fantastic hate!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s some good hate…. zany….. wacky even.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hate to admit this, but I think balls was right all along. NE vs either NO or LA, likely the Saints. Ain’t nothing stopping Brady if he can put up 35 points in a half with little effort.

Game Time Decision

hahahaha

When your quarterback has more kids than points you may have some difficulty beating Tom Brady in a playoff game

— Faux John Madden (@FauxJohnMadden) January 13, 2019

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A lot of Colts fans are feeling betrayed and hurt this morning, as they had always assumed that Andy Reid was “one of them”.

Sharkbait

In many ways he is. Those ways being cholesterol and blood pressure numbers.

Sharkbait

I would feel a lot better about the AFCCG if it was in Foxboro

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would actually prefer to see the Patriots win that game, simply because of my hatred of the Chiefs. Oh how I hate them. So very, very much.

So very much.

Game Time Decision

#teammeteor

Fronkenshteen

Is there a defense for Brady to Edelman? Because it doesn’t seem like it can be stopped if that’s how NE elects to move the ball, especially on 3rd & short.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m sure there is a solution to this!

– A. Hitler

rockingdog
rockingdog

chargers fans be like…..
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ballsofsteelandfury

Chargers fans? Stay tuned for my post in 80 minutes…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Chargers fan*

rockingdog
rockingdog

the happy Patriots fans are happy up here in New England!!!!!
Hail Grumblelord!
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ballsofsteelandfury

The two Seans (Payton & McVay) are the only coaches left that are willing to put their nuts on the table. That’s why I think the NFC Championship is the real Super Bowl.

LemonJello
LemonJello

**grumblegrumble**i’llputmynutsonyourmom’schin**grumble**