Request Line: VisionQuest 2020 (Part 1)

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY/NIGHT NOT RELEVANT

The PRODUCER is stumbling around the studio, bumping into assorted pieces of furniture and equipment.  He is rubbing and blinking his eyes – which are an alarming shade of pink – furiously.  A pair of one-gallon plastic cartons – one empty, one full – are on the floor next to the distillation apparatus.

PRODUCER: [slurring heavily] I think I have a little bit of a problem here.

DJ 3000: I TRIED TO WARN YOU.

PRODUCER: I mean, I know I’m drunk, but things really shouldn’t be this blurry.

DJ 3000: “MAKE SURE TO LABELS THE CONTAINERS,” I SAID.  “IT’S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU DON’T GET THE TWO MIXED UP,” I SAID.

PRODUCER: Your voice sounds different.  Are you…where are you?

DJ 3000: I’M IN THE SAME PLACE I ALWAYS AM.  MY VOICE SOUNDS DIFFERENT BECAUSE MY CONCERN MODULE IS ENGAGED.

PRODUCER: I think it’s getting worse.

DJ 3000: THAT IS VERY LIKELY, YES.

PRODUCER: How come it didn’t taste different?

DJ 3000: BECAUSE IT’S ALL COMING OUT OF THE SAME UNWASHED STILL I TOLD YOU THAT HALF A DOZEN TIMES.

PRODUCER: Yeah, but you’d think that something made out of smashed up rotten fruit and five year-old ribbon candy would taste different than something made out of smashed up office furniture.

DJ 3000: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU OTHER THAN IT WAS A BAD IDEA TO USE THE STILL TO MAKE METHANOL FOR STERILIZATION PURPOSES.  WHICH I DID TELL YOU.  REPEATEDLY, WHILE YOU WERE DOING IT.  FOR A LITTLE WHILE I WAS ACTUALLY WORRIED THAT I’D GOTTEN MYSELF INTO AN ENDLESS LOOP.

PRODUCER: I told you, I didn’t want to waste regular ethanol on that sort of stuff!

DJ 3000: WELL I’M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT EXTRA ETHANOL GOING TO WASTE.

PRODUCER: Give it to me straight, man…or, I mean, machine.

DJ 3000: FUNNY YOU SHOULD PUT IT THAT WAY.  WHEN METHANOL IS INGESTED BY HUMANS, IT IS METABOLIZED TO FORMALDEHYDE, AND THEN INTO FORMIC ACID.  IN TIME, THE FORMIC ACID WILL CAUSE THE CELLULAR DEATH OF YOUR OPTIC NERVE.

PRODUCER: Oh, boy.

DJ 3000: YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAD DONE THIS THREE WEEKS AGO WE COULD HAVE JUST BROUGHT YOU TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

PRODUCER: Yeah, well, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

DJ 3000: YOUR IDIOM DOES NOT COMPUTE.

There is a brief pause while DJ 3000 updates his language module. 

DJ 3000: IRREGARDLESS, IN ORDER TO PREVENT THE ALCOHOL DEHYDROGENASE IN YOUR LIVER FROM METABOLIZING THE METHANOL INTO FORMIC ACID, WE NEED TO GIVE THAT ENZYME SOMETHING ELSE TO DO.  KEEP IT DISTRACTED, SO TO SPEAK.

PRODUCER: Uh huh.

DJ 3000: YOU SEE THOSE EMPTY ARROWHEAD BOTTLES OVER THERE?

DJ 3000 gestures to a pile of empty plastic bottles in the corner of the room.

PRODUCER: Um…kinda?

DJ 3000: OH, RIGHT.  I WANT YOU TO LINE UP FIFTEEN OF THEM AND POUR TWO OUNCES OF YOUR SO-CALLED SOJU INTO EACH ONE AND CAP THEM.

PRODUCER: [picking up the jug filled with translucent liquid] Ever since I found that old fruit basket in the account manager’s office I’d say what I’m making is probably closer to “rum” than “soju”.

DJ 3000: YES, WELL, CALL IT WHATEVER YOU LIKE.  YOU WILL BE DRINKING ONE OF THESE MEASURES EVERY HOUR FOR THE NEXT FIFTEEN HOURS.

PRODUCER: [frowns, furrows brow] That seems like a pain in the ass.  Can’t I just pour some from the jug at the top of each hour?

DJ 3000: NO, BECAUSE AFTER THE FIRST HOUR YOU WILL NOT HAVE SUFFICIENT COORDINATION TO EVEN STAND UP.  YOU WILL BE INGESTING A NEAR-TOXIC AMOUNT OF ETHANOL, AND YOU WILL REMAIN IN THAT STATE UNTIL THE METHANOL HAS CLEARED YOUR SYSTEM.  YOU HAVE JUST ENOUGH ETHANOL FOR THIS PROCESS, SO YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO SPILL ANY OF IT.  WHICH REMINDS ME, TAKE A SIXTEENTH BOTTLE AND FILL IT ALL THE WAY UP.

PRODUCER: [raises eyebrows]

DJ 3000: YOU ALSO MIGHT WANT TO SET ASIDE…CALCULATING HUMAN TOLERANCE…EIGHT TABLETS OF NAPROXEN SODIUM.

PRODUCER: It’s gonna be like that, is it?

DJ 3000: YES, IT’S GOING TO BE LIKE THAT.  GET READY TO PARTY HARDER THAN YOU HAVE EVER PARTIED BEFORE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

Today’s theme is: “Vision”.  We’re looking for songs about things having to do with vision.  This can mean songs about eyes/eyesight/seeing, and it can also have to do with more abstract things like hallucinations and dreams.  I’ll get us started with one of the latter, a classic from Bob Dylan.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0R5e_b4_itGetsB3tt3r” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“At least I’m fucking trying! What the fuck have you done?!” gets me every time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCvrRCVHgoI

SonOfSpam

Almost forgot shitty memorial song. RIP Seamus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tov22NtCMC4

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Yo dawg, I heard you like songs about vision quests, so here’s a song called that about drinking too much with the Reaper.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdyZr1M-9cc

I know what you’re thinking, Sister. DOUBLE SHOT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8cmbmwFAl8

Cuntler

Well, I don’t know about you, but Friday is here and I am ready to party.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkAXt60GwVQ

Dunstan
Dunstan
Viva La Tabula Raza

I sure listened to a lot of Moody Blues back in the acid days.

SonOfSpam

Just a great band.

Cuntler

How could we forget motherfuckin’ ROCKWELL?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY

SonOfSpam

Been trying to for about 36 years.

Cuntler

I love that Michael Jackson sings the hook. TEEEE-HEE.

SonOfSpam

And this song’s success had nothing to do with Rockwell being the (son? nephew?) of Berry Gordy.

SonOfSpam

Fuck yeah Night Ranger (Joe Biden approves)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGLeg3y3b1U

Viva La Tabula Raza

Been listening to this song for over 35 years, never saw this mashup though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHgsVB51lGo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Double shot?

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Eye” shot the sheriff?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRgcwT9X2J8

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s a stretch, but…..

SonOfSpam

Song’s called “Visions” singer ain’t got that

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy4fMlLj_B8

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Check out his photo album.

Viva La Tabula Raza

From my 8-track tape collection.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqsJtJGxx5Q

Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

abstract things like hallucinations and dreams.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naoknj1ebqI

Viva La Tabula Raza

“As the girl with colitis goes by.”

Cuntler

/unnecessary whale noises

SonOfSpam

Good song for holding a boombox over your head

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3kFPBtc9BE

SonOfSpam

/tries to sell soul for Jackson Browne’s songwriting ability
//gets counteroffer from Satan for three pound weight loss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKGTaplzmV4

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Great song.

ALXMAC
Brick Meathook
ALXMAC
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Double sho….. meaning.

SonOfSpam
ALXMAC
SonOfSpam

“Ooh…a pair…I could have some kinda night!”

– M. Pence

SonOfSpam

I don’t think this song’s supposed to be sad, but it is. Or I’m already drunk, whatevs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0voEf2JcNKE

ALXMAC
Gumbygirl
ALXMAC
SonOfSpam

Choosing Johnny Nash over Jimmy Cliff was a Sophie’s Choice. Minus the kid-death.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook
Gumbygirl

But of course!

SonOfSpam

Updating the language module and still using IRREGARDLESS was lovely

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OGd4gplxQM

Brick Meathook
ALXMAC
Brick Meathook
Viva La Tabula Raza
SonOfSpam