INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY/NIGHT NOT RELEVANT
The PRODUCER is stumbling around the studio, bumping into assorted pieces of furniture and equipment. He is rubbing and blinking his eyes – which are an alarming shade of pink – furiously. A pair of one-gallon plastic cartons – one empty, one full – are on the floor next to the distillation apparatus.
PRODUCER: [slurring heavily] I think I have a little bit of a problem here.
DJ 3000: I TRIED TO WARN YOU.
PRODUCER: I mean, I know I’m drunk, but things really shouldn’t be this blurry.
DJ 3000: “MAKE SURE TO LABELS THE CONTAINERS,” I SAID. “IT’S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU DON’T GET THE TWO MIXED UP,” I SAID.
PRODUCER: Your voice sounds different. Are you…where are you?
DJ 3000: I’M IN THE SAME PLACE I ALWAYS AM. MY VOICE SOUNDS DIFFERENT BECAUSE MY CONCERN MODULE IS ENGAGED.
PRODUCER: I think it’s getting worse.
DJ 3000: THAT IS VERY LIKELY, YES.
PRODUCER: How come it didn’t taste different?
DJ 3000: BECAUSE IT’S ALL COMING OUT OF THE SAME UNWASHED STILL I TOLD YOU THAT HALF A DOZEN TIMES.
PRODUCER: Yeah, but you’d think that something made out of smashed up rotten fruit and five year-old ribbon candy would taste different than something made out of smashed up office furniture.
DJ 3000: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU OTHER THAN IT WAS A BAD IDEA TO USE THE STILL TO MAKE METHANOL FOR STERILIZATION PURPOSES. WHICH I DID TELL YOU. REPEATEDLY, WHILE YOU WERE DOING IT. FOR A LITTLE WHILE I WAS ACTUALLY WORRIED THAT I’D GOTTEN MYSELF INTO AN ENDLESS LOOP.
PRODUCER: I told you, I didn’t want to waste regular ethanol on that sort of stuff!
DJ 3000: WELL I’M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT EXTRA ETHANOL GOING TO WASTE.
PRODUCER: Give it to me straight, man…or, I mean, machine.
DJ 3000: FUNNY YOU SHOULD PUT IT THAT WAY. WHEN METHANOL IS INGESTED BY HUMANS, IT IS METABOLIZED TO FORMALDEHYDE, AND THEN INTO FORMIC ACID. IN TIME, THE FORMIC ACID WILL CAUSE THE CELLULAR DEATH OF YOUR OPTIC NERVE.
PRODUCER: Oh, boy.
DJ 3000: YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAD DONE THIS THREE WEEKS AGO WE COULD HAVE JUST BROUGHT YOU TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
PRODUCER: Yeah, well, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
DJ 3000: YOUR IDIOM DOES NOT COMPUTE.
There is a brief pause while DJ 3000 updates his language module.
DJ 3000: IRREGARDLESS, IN ORDER TO PREVENT THE ALCOHOL DEHYDROGENASE IN YOUR LIVER FROM METABOLIZING THE METHANOL INTO FORMIC ACID, WE NEED TO GIVE THAT ENZYME SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. KEEP IT DISTRACTED, SO TO SPEAK.
PRODUCER: Uh huh.
DJ 3000: YOU SEE THOSE EMPTY ARROWHEAD BOTTLES OVER THERE?
DJ 3000 gestures to a pile of empty plastic bottles in the corner of the room.
PRODUCER: Um…kinda?
DJ 3000: OH, RIGHT. I WANT YOU TO LINE UP FIFTEEN OF THEM AND POUR TWO OUNCES OF YOUR SO-CALLED SOJU INTO EACH ONE AND CAP THEM.
PRODUCER: [picking up the jug filled with translucent liquid] Ever since I found that old fruit basket in the account manager’s office I’d say what I’m making is probably closer to “rum” than “soju”.
DJ 3000: YES, WELL, CALL IT WHATEVER YOU LIKE. YOU WILL BE DRINKING ONE OF THESE MEASURES EVERY HOUR FOR THE NEXT FIFTEEN HOURS.
PRODUCER: [frowns, furrows brow] That seems like a pain in the ass. Can’t I just pour some from the jug at the top of each hour?
DJ 3000: NO, BECAUSE AFTER THE FIRST HOUR YOU WILL NOT HAVE SUFFICIENT COORDINATION TO EVEN STAND UP. YOU WILL BE INGESTING A NEAR-TOXIC AMOUNT OF ETHANOL, AND YOU WILL REMAIN IN THAT STATE UNTIL THE METHANOL HAS CLEARED YOUR SYSTEM. YOU HAVE JUST ENOUGH ETHANOL FOR THIS PROCESS, SO YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO SPILL ANY OF IT. WHICH REMINDS ME, TAKE A SIXTEENTH BOTTLE AND FILL IT ALL THE WAY UP.
PRODUCER: [raises eyebrows]
DJ 3000: YOU ALSO MIGHT WANT TO SET ASIDE…CALCULATING HUMAN TOLERANCE…EIGHT TABLETS OF NAPROXEN SODIUM.
PRODUCER: It’s gonna be like that, is it?
DJ 3000: YES, IT’S GOING TO BE LIKE THAT. GET READY TO PARTY HARDER THAN YOU HAVE EVER PARTIED BEFORE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
—
Today’s theme is: “Vision”. We’re looking for songs about things having to do with vision. This can mean songs about eyes/eyesight/seeing, and it can also have to do with more abstract things like hallucinations and dreams. I’ll get us started with one of the latter, a classic from Bob Dylan. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0R5e_b4_itGetsB3tt3r” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.
“At least I’m fucking trying! What the fuck have you done?!” gets me every time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCvrRCVHgoI
Almost forgot shitty memorial song. RIP Seamus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tov22NtCMC4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcKcjpSWmm0
Yo dawg, I heard you like songs about vision quests, so here’s a song called that about drinking too much with the Reaper.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdyZr1M-9cc
I know what you’re thinking, Sister. DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8cmbmwFAl8
Well, I don’t know about you, but Friday is here and I am ready to party.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkAXt60GwVQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4l32kl4wnI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPOIS5taqA8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Gm3UQCok3I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9Zr440nXe8
I sure listened to a lot of Moody Blues back in the acid days.
Just a great band.
How could we forget motherfuckin’ ROCKWELL?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY
Been trying to for about 36 years.
I love that Michael Jackson sings the hook. TEEEE-HEE.
And this song’s success had nothing to do with Rockwell being the (son? nephew?) of Berry Gordy.
At least the FBI discontinued their surveillance program of him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCy9k_RWlvA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dizc8jVdIh8
Fuck yeah Night Ranger (Joe Biden approves)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGLeg3y3b1U
Been listening to this song for over 35 years, never saw this mashup though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHgsVB51lGo
Double shot?
“Eye” shot the sheriff?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRgcwT9X2J8
This is the most tWBS pick ever.
Maybe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42BBdzzgPNM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MK_6SsvsS0
It’s a stretch, but…..
Song’s called “Visions” singer ain’t got that
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy4fMlLj_B8
Check out his photo album.
From my 8-track tape collection.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqsJtJGxx5Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoUqnLC-Ydg
DEATH CULT DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQxkzJB9FFY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu5bPJ-b6Nw
abstract things like hallucinations and dreams.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naoknj1ebqI
“Picture yourself in a boat…yeah, I like it. This song works.” – Fred Smoot
“As the girl with colitis goes by.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foGkU6x3eSE
“That’s what I’m talkin’ bout’.” – Rob Ryan, handing you a second tallboy so you can two-fist it.
/unnecessary whale noises
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aae_RHRptRg
“This shit’s gettin’ too literal. We need some more music about VISIONS, man. VISIONS.” – Rob Ryan, reaching into his van and handing you a tallboy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41P8UxneDJE
OK.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZKuzwPOefs
Good song for holding a boombox over your head
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3kFPBtc9BE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA3aKUwu-Dk
/tries to sell soul for Jackson Browne’s songwriting ability
//gets counteroffer from Satan for three pound weight loss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKGTaplzmV4
Great song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czt–adJkwM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmPfYnzA1r0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ut5tHfbaJA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmqS01NMips
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFsXeG4g3VQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfmkgQRmmeE
Double sho….. meaning.
Wrapped up like a douche
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33ptulhhQPg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA644rSZX1A
A pair of brown eyes? Being drunk as hell? This Pogues song has it all!
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlfr1rCByM8
“Ooh…a pair…I could have some kinda night!”
– M. Pence
I don’t think this song’s supposed to be sad, but it is. Or I’m already drunk, whatevs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0voEf2JcNKE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51fcG3sxvII
THE BEATLES!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH6i9JAdJrQ
DOUBLE SHOT! (we also would have accepted “what do receivers say to Chris Conte?)
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Xe0C2WB5Og
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvHELzuKEOs
Choosing Johnny Nash over Jimmy Cliff was a Sophie’s Choice. Minus the kid-death.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBJoKSpPsxg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfmkgQRmmeE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXn9ZKPx6CY
But of course!
Updating the language module and still using IRREGARDLESS was lovely
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OGd4gplxQM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz9NZJOkJB0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD-SpHH7qDA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPt7P_XJg1k
Low hanging fruit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62ZJn0cTASo
Double shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMrImMedYRo
TRIPLE SHOT: Pretty much the entire album of “Tommy”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V83JR2IoI8k