Request Line: VisionQuest 2020 (Part 8) – Law and Order

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER sits in front of a control board, awake by clearly dazed.  DJ 3000 is in his customary place against the wall.

PRODUCER: A hangover this bad should be illegal.

DJ 3000: I AM NOT SURE SOMEONE WHO TURNED A RADIO STATION INTO A MOONSHINE DISTILLERY SHOULD OPINE ABOUT THE LEGAL PROCESS.

PRODUCER: It’s a joke, buddy.

DJ 3000: APOLOGIES I AM STILL RUNNING IN CONCERN MODE.

PRODUCER: Do we have any aspirin, or ibuprofin, or Aleve or anything?

DJ 3000: LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER IS YOUR BEST OPTION AT THE MOMENT.

PRODUCER: I suppose we should get some music going.

DJ 3000: YES, I AM SURE OUR LISTENERS WOULD NOT OBJECT IF WE SWITCHED AWAY FROM THE LOOP OF “YOSHIMI BATTLES THE PINK ROBOTS” I HAVE BEEN PLAYING FOR THE LAST TWENTY-TWO HOURS.

PRODUCER: Maybe we should open up the phone lines.  Have you got a topic?

DJ 3000: I DON’T, BUT WHY DON’T WE OPEN THE PHONE LINES UP FOR THAT, TOO.

PRODUCER: Sounds like a plan.  [notices flashing light on the console] Oh good, there’s one now.  Caller one, you are on the air.

— [phone flies open] —

ALXMAC: Hi guys!  Long time listener, first time caller…

DJ 3000: FIRST TIME CALLER, HUH? WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO TESTIFY TO THAT UNDER OATH?

ALXMAC: Sure, I guess.

DJ 3000: THAT’S INTERESTING.  BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A DATABASE INQUIRY YOU HAVE ACTUALLY CALLED THIS STATION OVER TWO HUNDRED TIMES.

ALXMAC: Oh.  Well.  I guess I lost count.  Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot about this coronavirus thing, and, well…I’m tired of it.

PRODUCER: Aren’t we all?

DJ 3000: DOES IT SMELL LIKE BACON IN HERE TO YOU?

ALXMAC: And a lot of people say that if we just ignore it, it’ll go away eventually.  But I don’t think that’s true.  I think it’s more like crime.  And you know what the antidote to crime is?

DJ 3000: [silently flashing letters on his screen] MORE CRIME?

PRODUCER: Judging from your avatar I’m going to just hover my finger over the “delay” button here, but go on…

ALXMAC: Law. And. Order.

PRODUCER: The TV show?

ALXMAC: No, not the TV show!  In real life.

PRODUCER: Oh.  Sure, that’s a fine idea, I guess.  There’s plenty of songs about the legal process.

ALXMAC: And cops!  I used to be a cop, you know? They called me “the strong arm of the law”.

DJ 3000: SNORT SNORT SNORT.

PRODUCER: Huh.  I’m not sure that’s an image you’ll be wanting to cultivate at the moment.

ALXMAC: And why not?  These thugs roaming the streets, they…

PRODUCER: [punches the DISCONNECT button]  I think maybe it’s better if we end this conversation before he runs headlong into what we refer to around here as “the wrecking ball.” But it’s a fine topic, don’t you think?

DJ 3000: AGREED.  DO YOU MIND IF I GET US STARTED?

PRODUCER: Sure thing, buddy.  What did you have in mind?

Today’s theme is: law and order.  We’re looking for any songs that have to do with the legal process.  That means the police, lawyers, trials, judges, you name it. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R632d3f3cAT3” (see if you can guess the puzzle song!) and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.