The scene: That maze of cliffs and winding pathways known as the Taboo Region. Near one of the cliffs stands a giant robot, some 50 feet tall (15.24 meters for our Canadian friends, or 100 Horatios in HRTN measurements).

It stands alone and unmoving, and Horatio Cornblower, Moosemas Gorilla, Otto’s Brain and Future Clone Lynda Carter are gazing up in wonder at it, and hoping that it doesn’t suddenly spring to life and stomp them into pudding.

Otto’s Brain: Damn, that thing is big!

Horatio Cornblower: No kidding! You should see it from my point of view. Do you think it’s still functional?

Future Clone Lynda Carter: Possibly. It looks like an old warbot of some kind. They were pretty popular before Moose took over.

Otto’s Brain: Did he ban them?

Future Clone Lynda Carter (shaking her head): He didn’t really need to. They were more of a fad than anything. One nation built a giant robot, so suddenly their rival had to have one. Before you know it, trillions had been sunk into giant robots that are really only good at fighting each other.

Otto’s Brain: Yeah, I guess they wouldn’t be much use against missiles and stuff like that.

Future Clone Lynda Carter: There was a Giant Robot Wars holovid show that ran for years. That’s where most of them ended up.

Horatio Cornblower: Not gonna lie, I really want to see that show.

Moosemas Gorilla: Ook! Ook-ook.

Horatio Cornblower: He’s right. We should take a wide path around this thing. If it’s still active, I’d rather we weren’t the ones to wake it up…

Suddenly a bright pink doughnut rolls by, just in front of the giant robot. A single light on it’s chestplate flickers to life. Everyone freezes in place, eyeing the robot and holding their collective breaths. The light blinks once and then shuts off.

Otto’s Brain: Geez, for a minute there I thought we were in tr-

Then PK, who has been chasing the doughnut for miles, arrives in a tumble, tripping over a loose rock and falling onto the foot of the giant robot.

PK (sweating profusely and noticing the others): Gee whiz, am I glad to see you guys! Hey, have you seen a doughnut roll by? It’s got pink frosting and little sprinkles and…

Suddenly the robot’s lights all flare up! Its servomotors whir as it moves it’s giant head and looks down upon the DFOers.

Giant Robot: INTRUDERS! HALT!

Otto’s Brain: Do you think he means us…?

Giant Robot: INTRUDERS! HALT AND BE TERMINATED!

Horatio Cornblower: Oh, man…where’s Johnny Sokko when you really need him?

Otto’s Brain (rolling off at full speed): Cheese it, guys!

Grabbing Future Clone Lynda Carter, Moosemas Gorilla vaults away as well, Horatio Cornblower holding onto his furry shoulder.

The giant robot, seemingly unaware of PK, or perhaps considering him too insignificant to be a threat, starts to pursue the DFOers. PK, for his part, hangs onto the giant robot’s foot for dear life.

PK: AGGH! HAAALLLPP! GUYYYYSSS….!

Giant Robot (in pursuit): HALT!

The DFOers race ahead of the giant robot, winding their way through the rocky trails of the Taboo Region as they go.

Future Clone Lynda Carter (annoyed): You can put me down, you know. I’m perfectly capable of running for my life on my own.

The DFOers round a corner and find themselves running straight towards a scorpion the size of a refrigerator. Otto rolls underneath it as Moosemas Gorilla leaps up, grabs an outcropping of rock, somersaults over the scorpion in mid-air, and then lands on the other side without missing a beat.

Moosemas Gorilla: Ook…?

Future Clone Lynda Carter: Yeah, yeah, you’ve made your point…

The scorpion turns, only to see the DFOers disappear from sight around a bend, and seconds later is squashed beneath the foot of the giant robot. The foot PK is hanging onto, of course.

PK (covered in scorpion goo): ACK! Not again…!

The DFOers flight takes them past skulls and skeletons, insects and ichor, and dangers unimaginable. Of course, even dangers unimaginable tend to bugger off when a 50-foot robot comes crashing their way, so the DFOers escape from the Taboo Region is surprisingly unimpeded.

Otto’s Brain (as he rolls out of the Taboo Region): Hey! Is that the sign we passed going in?

Future Clone Lynda Carter (over Moosemas Gorilla’s shoulder): Looks like it.

Otto’s Brain (still rolling): You mean we’ve gone in a circle?

Horatio Cornblower: Umm…we might have…?

Otto’s Brain: You dick! You and your shortcuts…!

Future Clone Lynda Carter (as the giant robot comes rumbling after then): Less arguing and more running, guys!

PK (holding on tight to the robot’s foot): EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Cut to: Doktor Zymm’s RV, where Mr. Ayo, WCS, Lemonjello, Covalent Blonde and Beerguyrob are still in shock over the grisly demise of Brick Meathook.

Brocky is there as well, but he’s not in shock so much as hungry, and is currently retrieving his burrito from the microwave.

Beerguyrob: OK, that’s it! We need to get out of here before we all end up like Brick!

Lemonjello: Burble?

Beerguyrob: No, not with our heads squished. I don’t think you have to worry about that anyway. I meant ending up dead out here in the middle of the Wasteland.

WCS: Yeah, I’d kinda like to avoid that myself. I’ve got plans for dying, and they don’t involve rockmen or giant spiders!

Mr. Ayo: Dude, you’ve made plans to die?

WCS: Well, I mean, I figured on being surrounded by family and friends. Way, way in the future.

Beerguyrob: We are way, way in the future, WCS.

Covalent Blonde: I always figured on going out surrounded by the bodies of my enemies.

Beerguyrob: That’s funny, because I always thought I’d die screaming in the passenger seat, with you behind the wheel.

Covalent Blonde: Oh, you’re hilarious…

Brocky (walking back in with his burrito): I always wanted to go out surrounded by strippers. Lots of them. With yuuuuge…

Lemonjello: Borble! Burble borble?

Beerguyrob: Hmm. No, I don’t think binary fission is the same as dying. Kind of the opposite, really.

Mr. Ayo: Look, all this talk of dying is bumming me out! And all my banana weed is gone, which is bumming me out even more! Can we get this vehicle of yours to move and maybe get out of here?

Beerguyrob: Good question. Brocky, what do you think?

Brocky (shrugging as he takes a bite of his burrito): Maybe. I tried to dig out the front and put some leverage under the back, but Rikki dug this thing in good. We still might need everyone to give it a push.

Beerguyrob: Which means getting out in the open, which means getting eaten by the giant spider.

Mr. Ayo (looking out the window): Guys…?

Covalent Blonde: Well maybe one of us could distract the damn thing while the others push?

Brocky: Cool. You do that and I’ll volunteer to stay inside and steer.

Mr. Ayo: Um…guys?!!

Covalent Blonde: What is it now, Chim Chim?

Mr. Ayo: I was just wondering if a gorilla being chased by a giant robot might be enough of a distraction…?

Everyone races to the window to look out. Well, not Brocky, as he’s blowing on his burrito to cool it down. Doktor Zymm’s settings for the microwave start at “hot” and go all the way up to “melts steel.”

Covalent Blonde (peering out the window): Is that…Moosemas Gorilla?

WCS: It’s gotta be, because that glowing green ball is definitely Otto.

As the DFOers inside the RV watch, Otto’s Brain rolls through the terrain about 100 yards (91.44 meters/600 Horatios/1 football field) away, followed closely by Moosemas Gorilla, carrying Horatio and Future Clone Lynda Carter. And behind them a giant robot is in pursuit, yelling at them to halt as a goo-covered PK clings to a metallic foot.

All of this catches the spider’s attention and, still sulking over not webbing, liquefying and drinking Brick, it joins in the chase, all eight legs propelling it as it runs after the robot.

Brocky (waving his steaming burrito in the air to cool it down): Huh.

Beerguyrob: OK, guys, we’ve got the break we were looking for! Now let’s do what the DFO does best!

Covalent Blonde: Drink to excess while whining about fantasy football?

Beerguyrob: OK, what we do second-best: Charge forward recklessly and blindly luck into something approximating success. Now let’s get out there and push this thing and get the hell out of here!

Mr. Ayo: Awesome, dude! And could I maybe get a pair of pants? I’ve been wearing these green swim trunks for days…

To be continued…