Your “Let’s Watch Some Ball!” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

The site’s been slower than Andy Reid reaching for a shot of cold-pressed kale juice but we’re making the best of it. Rest assured there are monkey-type creatures fiddling around inside your laptop or mobile as you read this. And don’t worry, your Mothra-centric insertion videos are just between you, me and the DMV.

TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Bills:

Looks like the league has caught up to Cam and Co. Them Pats have generated all of 28 points these last three weeks and issues at wr (outside of Edelman) and rb have manifested themselves again this year. There’s nary a playmaker on the entire roster and the time sure looks right for Buffalo to end that 7 game losing streak.

Titans/Bengals:

More of the same for Burrow? A little ‘gets thrown on his butt’ here and a little ‘makes a great play’ there. Cincy’s pass-blocking grades out as the worst in the league, save the Vikes. Some reason for hope though is that the Titans D is one of four that allows positive yardage on more than 50% of snaps.

Raiders/Browns:

Cleveland can’t defend the slot worth a damn so feel free to go with Ruggs (39%) or Agholor (31%). Something else that may sway you? Ruggs’ aDOT from the slot is 23.3. Really, just play everyone because the Browns D gives up the 2nd most fantasy points to wr’s.

Colts/Lions:

Is Detroit turning it around? They’re 3-1 in their last four and since Golladay returned they have the league’s most efficient passing game. The Colts D was being talked up here and elsewhere but the teams they shut down were the Jags, Vikes, Jets and the offenseless Bears. The last two weeks they’ve given up 32 and 27 respectively.

Vikes/Pack:

Maybe you don’t have the luxury of sitting Thielen but you should give it some thought because cb Jaire Alexander has given up a total of 54 yards since wk 1. If Minny gets blown out are the winds of head coach change going to blow?

Jets/Chiefs:

Worst vs. Best. Who ya got? I’ve got Mahomes sitting by halfway thru the 3rd with 300 yards and 4 TD’s in his mitts.

Rams/Fins:

Tua, Aaron. Aaron, Tua. May as well set the rookie on fire, uh, put his feet to the fire is what I meant. It’s a bit puzzling that he’s behind center given that Harvard was playing fine and they had won their last two. Fitz had an average of only 2.4 seconds to get rid of the ball due to pass-blocking woes and that number should decrease today.

Steelers/Ravens:

Game O’ Day? These two are the heaviest blitzers in the league so both qb’s should be under a bit of pressure. My money is on the one that doesn’t have mobility issues and it’s well known that there are holes in Pitt’s secondary.

Do your thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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clint greasewood

Cashier rounds down to the nearest dollar.

“Lets make a show about that”
-CBS producers

Brick Meathook

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Gatoraids

Williards coming to CBS this spring

Redshirt

Star Trek: Beyond: A decent movie that accidently killed the franchise.

Doktor Zymm

You might receive a call to your hotel room late at night offering a “massage”. To avoid being woken up it is worth unplugging your phone.”

clint greasewood

Mercury Morris looking at that champagne on ice.
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Last edited 4 years ago by clint greasewood
The Maestro

We got a French press the other day because our espresso machine is on the fritz and we’re too lazy to repair it right now. Tried it out for the first time today – I had two cups of coffee around 11 AM, and I’m still twitching uncontrollably right now. Fuck me, is that ever strong stuff. Is this what smoking crack is like?

Horatio Cornblower

So do you.

Sharkbait

Drinking a peanut butter porter. It tastes like an alcoholic dark chocolate Reeses.

Redshirt

Halftime at Cincy. Now I get to see what the hell is going on in Miami.

Redshirt

Just saw the Dolphins stat line. Now I’m more confused.

Gatoraids

Goff or other turned over 3 times in the Dolphins red zone

Doktor Zymm

Is it totally crazy to visit Minsk in February?

Horatio Cornblower

Well, at least the parades will be limited by the frigid weather.
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Redshirt

Cincinnati killed a Titan to avoid a catch.

Doktor Zymm

We’ve replaced Jared Goff’s hands with Folger’s Crystals. Let’s see if anyone notices!

Gatoraids

Jared just waiting for the Nothing now. Just like me starting the Rams D against the dolphins tanks to the Rams O

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Gratliff

It seems impossible to be as bad as the Jets.

Horatio Cornblower

Stick around for the Cowboys game tonight.

Gratliff

Dallas’ injury report would wipe the floor with the Jets. Like, right now, while they’re still on it.

Horatio Cornblower

Prescott hobbles for 42 yards and 2 TDs.

On crutches.

Redshirt

The Bengals run defense begs to differ.

Doktor Zymm

Which team do you think has the most week 1 starters still standing?

Mother Puncher

Just you wait. There’s 2 halves in a football game

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, what?
-Atlanta Falcons

Redshirt

Cincinnati teams will either deliver disappointment or delay it. Either way, its coming.

Mother Puncher

Oops. I started the Tigans D thinking it was a shoe-in. Go figure my team decides to play well this week.

Mother Puncher

Those 3rd string linemen are the spark the Bengals needed

The Maestro

“THE REFS THROW OUT JUDON! ANTISEMITES!” – S.B.

Horatio Cornblower

Terry Bradshaw’s family needs to start thinking about nursing homes.

Doktor Zymm

This week on the radio I learned you should always ask about the facility’s emergency plan when considering homes.

ArmedandHammered

An NFL themed long term care facility. The players could ramble on their stories while fans living there hang on their every word.

hippofant

I wonder if Fox could provide a place where a senile old white man could ramble on endlessly and have idiots hang on every single word.

Last edited 4 years ago by hippofant
King Hippo

Achtung!! Judon!!!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a rainy, cold day here in CT, perfect for sitting on my ass all day with the TV on. This morning was nice, however, so I got the dog out for his walk, which is 3-4 miles through the woods. On a not totally unrelated night, yesterday I took down a white-faced hornets nest that had been abandoned after the recent cold weather, (it had been there all summer; I left them alone after reading that the workers all die when it gets cold and the queen flies off), then brought it inside intending to cut it open and get a look at the inner workings of the nest. had to let it sit because the top was soaked and would have just fallen apart with any pressure.

Back to the walk, where my wife first calls me because she hears ambulances racing down our road towards the woods, and in concerned I’ve been eaten by the coyotes we heard last night. No such luck, just a kid who’d cut himself with a chainsaw, (OK, just needs stitches). Five minutes later I get a text. Thinking she’s worried about more coyotes I look at it and see “A white-faced hornet just chased me around the kitchen. I got him outside and the nest too. It sounded like an airplane in our kitchen.”

Turns out the queen was still alive and in the nest, maybe going dormant, maybe just depressed because all the other hornets were dead, and came out to see why it was so much warmer all of a sudden.

It’s been a day, people.

Sharkbait

White faced hornets are assholes. Shouldve just burned it.

Doktor Zymm

Excellent foreshadowing!

Sharkbait

Sharkbait Parlay:

Mahomes over 2.5 TD [X]
Henry over 99.5 Yards [ ]
Ayiuk to score [ ]

Horatio Cornblower

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Gratliff

So does Minnesota get a massive cap hit when they inevitable cut Cousins, because I’m ready for that double dose of schadenfreude. Maybe Case will come back for Cousins money.

The Maestro

Howdy, folks. I think I am close to finishing this pile of marking. It’s taken weeks, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

For the Patriots, however, I am not nearly as optimistic.

Sharkbait

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Doktor Zymm

Just give everyone a B- and anyone who complains can have an A

Doktor Zymm

Are….are the Dolphins actually good?

The Maestro

Probably not, but they ARE fun, which is also fine.

King Hippo

It would seem so. I am as shocked as you.

Sharkbait

As a Patriots fan: Fuck

As a Diggs owner: MOAR!

King Hippo

Methinks the Top 5 pick will be helpful, too.

King Hippo

Sam Ficken’s Non-Union Mexican Equivalent might be stealing Murrikan jerbs

Last edited 4 years ago by King Hippo
Doktor Zymm

A lot of soap is made abroad, which is why Trumpkins are against Antiba (cterial soap)

Gatoraids

Jared Goth feeling that halloween hangover

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King Hippo

Finally facing a coach/defense that has noticed The Ben’s arm strength HARF.

Horatio Cornblower

Jobs Not Mo…uh-oh, too late.
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Gratliff

Oh glorious Rams derp. Gimme that McVay face

Gatoraids

Tua Time Baby

rockingdog

come on BIG BEN throw it to Diontae Johnson!!!
do it!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He is a beast

Gratliff

Future indie wrestler Nyheim Hines

Sharkbait

What would his persona be?

Gratliff

Like most indie people who can do flips, his persona would be something run through a boring name generator, and his back story would be “guy who can do flips”

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rockingdog

LOL

Petronel

Dammit, don’t show that again.

Sharkbait

Shouldve taken the under.

/May have a problem

Gatoraids

noo

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ArmedandHammered

Goffception.

Gratliff

Sounds like y’all need some troubleshooting done on the backend
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Sharkbait

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Gratliff

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Brick Meathook

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The Maestro

Is this Kirk Odenbob?

Doktor Zymm

Kicking is hard y’all

Redshirt

DOINK!

ArmedandHammered

You were not kidding about that wind.

Gatoraids

J’inxedlor

ArmedandHammered

Autocorrect wants to keep changing Mahomes to Mahomet, which seems about right with the way he is taking down jets.

Horatio Cornblower

Outstanding.

Gatoraids

This Jets Game will be Mahomes Spring Break Forever.