Welcome back to the Beat! Last time, there was salt, and anger, and arguably the worst win of the season, by a bot that I currently have as a top 3 seed! The good news is, the title gives a bit away this week. We got some doozies. Let’s start it off. Onto the fights!

Valkyrie vs. Rotator
Valkyrie: 1-0 (W, KO 2:41 vs. Tantrum)
Rotator: 0-1 (L, JD 2-1 vs. BETA)
We start with a pair of mainstay horizontals, and also undercutter vs. undercutter, that’s a rare matchup. In the less rare matchup it’s reliability vs. inconsistency. Rotator looked about as good as you can for getting manhandled for three full minutes, just because somehow everything, especially the weapon, showed very little worse for wear in the fight against BETA. It was a deserved loss, and it wouldn’t have been a split decision if not for a fortuitous carom to take off the hammer head which salvaged the split decision because otherwise you probably have to go 3-2 BETA in damage and it’s a moot point.

Valkyrie on the other hand looked shaky at times in beating Tantrum, another robot plagued with gremlins. As Rotator showed up wedge first I imagine that Victor Soto of Rotator would, interestingly enough, try to be on the reverse of the tactics in his first fight, since Valkyrie’s weapon can be stopped, as shown on several occasions.

Valkyrie’s undercutter met wedge and set off a shower of sparks, again and again. Occasionally it would do enough to pop Valkyrie up for a moment, and I’m surprised that this wasn’t the moment to spin around and attack. But Valkyrie came back down (after sparks on the BattleBox floor) before Rotator could do anything.

Rotator needed to control and push, but that was seeming to be more of a stalemate. Valkyrie hit the wall after a strike, but if anything she had the pushing power, getting to the side and pushing Rotator towards the wall. Rotator was winning the leverage game as Valkyrie got on top, but bounced off, I believe nicked part of the wheel and hit Rotator’s backside, separating the two bots. Rotator was content to bring the wedge back, and it was getting that unsteadiness from Valkyrie, which went over and had the undercutter hit the floor again. But Valkyrie’s weapon still spun and was still delivering sparks.

Rotator finally got a prolonged push to get Valkyrie into the wall, missing the screws, and could get that blue weapon of Valkyrie to pause long enough to spin and at least get its own first shot onto the front of Valkyrie. You could see a similar little bit of tread damage on one of Valkyrie’s wheels after this, meaning Rotator had done some damage. But Valkyrie was back in action and continued to work on that wedge, drawing sparks from it and the floor as Rotator repelled it. But the wedge was starting to look a little worse for wear. Or at the least the paint had been scraped off as sparks continued for the most part, with the occasional bigger shot hitting the wedge and spinning both robots around.

It was around this time, about the 1:10 mark, that Rotator started to get a little more aggressive and lead with its undercutter. It didn’t lead to any weapon on weapon collisions, but both bots could get to each other, as a small piece of armor came off of Rotator and some of Valkyrie’s was loosened right above the weapon.

And from that point it seemed the shots got bigger. Well, more weapon on weapon strikes’ll do that. And it seemed that Valkyrie was still getting the better of it, combined with the tread damage that was steadily worsening on Rotator, like a cut opening up. Worse though, that front wedge was loosening as well and looked unbolted/riveted/whatevered on one side. Valkyrie hit the other side and that wedge face came clean off, the most decisive blow of the fight thus far.

Rotator went weapon to weapon and took the chunk of armor hanging from Valkyrie off but got sent spiraling off and all that damage seemed to finally be adding up as it stumbled to the finish. It ended in a clinch as it went to the judges, who actually went into the Box to inspect both robots for damage, something I believe they should do more of. However, barring Valkyrie suddenly combusting I don’t think it would’ve changed much. I have aggression 2-1 and control 2-1 bordering on 3-0 for Valkyrie, and regardless of the extent of the damage, losing the entire wedge is a big deal considering the inside of the robot was exposed where something was hanging out, and Rotator’s tread damage was more of a hindrance than Valkyrie’s, so I personally have it 4-1 Valkyrie in damage.

The judges agree with me. Valkyrie wins by unanimous decision and moves to 2-0. Rotator, like HUGE and Witch Doctor, falls into that scary realm of 0-2 bots that will almost definitely get in if they win their third fight and could be a scary seed somewhere in the 20s. Meanwhile at 2-0, Valkyrie’s as good as in.

Gigabyte vs. Extinguisher
Gigabyte: 0-1 (L, 1:12 vs. Copperhead)
Extinguisher: 0-1 (L, 0:59 vs. Perfect Phoenix)
All right Robotic Death Company, did we fix the metallurgy issues with the srimech pipe now? From reputable dealers this time? At least you were smart and stopped moving once that happened so it didn’t get too ugly.

Extinguisher had the shocks and wiring fail, IIRC, in their bout against Perfect Phoenix, because it basically just hit the wall at the beginning, and legally-not-Brutality’s blade, and then just died. Well, I guess going up against the big full-body spinner will test if it works.

Well, it did because they whiffed on the box rush again and still moved to get at Gigabyte. Which is the right thing to do, except now Gigabyte’s gotten an extra couple seconds to spin up. Six seconds is a big difference than two in terms of spin-up time, and Extinguisher paid for it by getting to spin around like a figure skater in the middle of the floor, using the axe as its arm. A quick pop of the axe and it was re-righted, but again, that gives Gigabyte more recovery and spin-up time, and even so Extinguisher wasn’t great, popping off what seemed to be like a gear for the axe, which made it a sitting duck for Gigabyte to hit and bend. Extinguisher was just mobile enough to evade Gigabyte’s next attack, but it just backed up and continued to mangle the hammer arm, and then a wheel and a belt to something. One side was still mobile but since it was just in a circle Extinguisher was mercifully counted out. Gigabyte wins by KO in 1:13.

Sharkoprion vs. Slap Box
Sharkoprion: 0-1 (L, JD 3-0 vs. SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
Slap Box: 0-1 (L, KO 1:19 vs. Tombstone)
Well, this is a much nicer fight for Slap Box than “Okay here’s Tombstone for your first fight.” Sharkoprion had an okay showing in its first fight, but 1, isn’t Tombstone, and 2, hopefully fixed its overbite issues so the wedge can wedge. Because otherwise it can’t bite and it can’t flip.

Slap Box came in and could get under but Sharko being a longboi (technical term) could avoid the first lift, also the dorsal fin fell off. Slap Box showed off its flamethrower as Sharko went sit-and-spin thwackbot to push Slap Box aside as the two jostled for position. Sharko rammed and tried to get the flipper working (it is a flipper technically) but that angle seemed too steep still. Meanwhile Slap Box got a lift, but really nothing doing than just a chin tickle.

The two continued to jostle but Slap Box got out of position and Sharko’s jaws clamped down on the lifting arm and tried to drive Slap Box around. The length was working against the shark though, because it could really only have one wheel on the ground while Slap Box squirmed. Sharko lifted the jaws to try and get a better angle, but it ended up being a reversal, as it bit down but Slap Box started to lift, holding the shark aloft and giving it a hot mouth before Sharko’s jaws broke free. Now Slap Box was the pursuer with the momentum and after chasing it down, flipped Sharko over. Sharko could drive, but without the dorsal it couldn’t self-right well meaning the weapon was pretty much useless, turning it into a thwackbot. Slap Box came in and actually flipped it back over, possibly a dangerous self-inflicted wound. For about two seconds, as Slap Box re-inverted Sharko. The now-thwackbot tried to thwack, but it looked like all it could do was spin, because it wasn’t moving forward anymore. Because it might’ve thrashed its tail into the killsaw port. That’s considered less than ideal. Unless you’re Slap Box, which wins by KO in 2:45.

Malice vs. MadCatter
Malice: 2-0 (W, KO 1:15 vs. Axe Backwards; W, JD 2-1 vs. Shatter!)
MadCatter: 2-0 (W, KO 2:05 vs. Fusion; W, JD 3-0 vs. Ribbot)
Quick, who had these two robots fighting for the honor of being the first 3-0 bot at the beginning of the year? Cool, you’re a liar. But, that’s what it is, Malice with a dismantling of Axe Backwards and holding on against Shatter! after shattering the hammer arm, and MadCatter having Fusion blow up in its own face and doing solid work against Ribbot. We have no idea how many 3-0 robots there will ultimately be, but the winner of this could very well be a top 8 seed.

Interestingly, rather than the vertical spinner, MadCatter went with its hammer for the fight, while the lifter remained. We haven’t seen that hammer all year, so we have no idea on its power. We do know that they’ll have to be wary since Malice has already destroyed one hammer arm. Well, I guess two if you want to include Axe Backwards’s axes.

MadCatter’s wedge proved up to the box rush, as Malice went right up it and tumbled. And then again, with a second weapon-to-wedge contact. And a third. Where Malice tumbled onto her back. And stuck there. Even with the force of the weapon, it wasn’t enough to get back onto the wheels, and the weapon doesn’t slow quickly enough to go all the way off and then on. There was no reprise of Surgeon General vs. Hexadecimator. By the way, YouTube that fight.

So… yeah, that’s it. “A win for a hammer!” That’s right Martin Mason, and three for MadCatter, the first 3-0 bot of the season. MadCatter wins in 1:02.

Tantrum vs. Atom #94
Tantrum: 0-1 (L, KO 2:41 vs. Valkyrie)
Atom #94: 0-1 (L, JD 3-0 vs. Big Dill)
Tantrum’s puncher still had clearance problems, and overall reliability problems in their opening loss to Valkyrie. The flamethrowing srimech fists are a nice touch however, assuming we get to see it all in action. As for Atom #94, the Indian-Canadian squad was set by traction issues in their maiden voyage, and it kinda snowballed from there. I still can’t believe that fight got called and they couldn’t unstick the robot from Big Dill, but in fairness, it probably wasn’t getting better. Hopefully they’ve figured out those wheels.

The traction issues were still kinda meh as Atom #94 slowly shuffled its way towards Tantrum, which missed whatever they were trying for and got sent skidding 15 feet away and flat on their back as a result. So good news, Atom #94’s weapon works. But Tantrum could self-right before Atom #94 could get there and get down to business. The orange puncher regrouped and used its forks to get under the egg-beater and push it around, but some rough driving meant that it was Tantrum that hit the side of the screw casing, letting go of Atom #94.

Tantrum could get under with its forks and push Atom #94 around, and with enough speed to prevent it from getting back up to speed. The puncher was up to speed and doing enough to do damage, and enough to flip Atom #94 over, and then to prevent using the weapon to self-right, slammed it into the wall. I’m not sure if it was even needed, but it worked. Atom #94 didn’t have a srimech, so that was all she wrote. Tantrum wins by KO in 1:13 and gets to 1-1 on the year.

SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE vs. Pain Train
SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE: 1-0 (W, JD 3-0 vs. Sharkoprion)
Pain Train: 0-1 (L, KO 2:52 vs. SlamMow)
We finally have our first Battle of the Boroughs! It’s not a subway series, because the Staten Island Railroad doesn’t count. But it is Manhattan vs. Staten Island. Winner gets Shatter!, I guess? Neither looked particularly stellar in their opening fights, so we’ll see what happens!

Well, Pain Train went for the middle of SMEEEEE, and all it let to was a wraparound. SMEEEEE (I apologize in advance for being inconsistent with the lettering but meh) did use one of its undercutters to nick Pain Train, but they’re not the most potent undercutters in the sport. Pain Train was trying to figure out where to attack, but maybe some rough driving by SMEE led to one of its sides, where there’s actual robot, being right by Pain Train, which had a death hum firing… but whether traction issues or something else didn’t get to land the blow. With that, SMEEEEE tried to gingerly push Pain Train towards something, the screws maybe? But again, that side robot got too close and up in the drum’s grill, and Pain Train could hit robot behind wedge, taking out one of the left pod’s wheels and its undercutter, which just got sheared off.

SMEEEEEE could still push, though again, slowly, confoundingly. Pain Train looked for an angle to attack, as the right SMEEEEEE pods spun into it with the undercutter… and knocked a bearing or washer loose, which happened to hold Pain Train’s drum together. So that fell off too. But it also looked like it disabled SMEEEEEEE’s other undercutter. So the remainder of the match was a pushing one. It went to the judges, and I don’t envy them.

Oof, how to score this.

Damage: Both bots lost their weapons. SMEEEEEE had two, one got knocked off and the other was just disabled, while Pain Train’s weapon, like SMEEEEE’s left undercutter, was knocked off. SMEEEEEE did have a wheel knocked off as well. Regardless this is 3-2, but I think 3-2 Pain Train, because of (watching replays) that extra armor damage—I don’t think it was a wheel.
Control: For what it’s worth, SMEEEEE did control the fight. Whether it’s a 3-0 in control is up for debate, but it’s definitely controlled by SMEEEEEEE. I’d give it the 3-0, just because apart from the one hit Pain Train’s traction issues meant it couldn’t do much.
Aggression: I have to give this 2-1. I think to SMEEEEEEE?

So, I have it 6-5 SMEEEEEEEEE. But this is a really hard fight to call, and I can see a split decision either way. Which it was, with Jason Bardis for Pain Train, Lisa Winter for SMEEEEEEEEE, and Derek Young for your winner, by split decision, Pain Train.

Obviously I dissent because I don’t think Pain Train had much control, and due to traction issues couldn’t mount much aggression, but it’s not like this fight had either robot have prolonged stretches of dominance. This would be another “show me the cards” moment. But both bots are 1-1, definitely need a win to have a chance of sniffing the top 32, and even so, I feel like they’d need to impress.

Main Event: SawBlaze vs. Uppercut
SawBlaze: 1-0 (W, KO 2:30 vs. Whiplash)
Uppercut: 1-0 (W, KO 0:25 vs. Gemini)
An MIT battle of past and present, of student vs. mentor, headlines the night’s fights. On one side, the old blood, SawBlaze, where Jamison Go was a grad student. On the other, the new blood, Uppercut, led by senior (so still undergrad) Alex Hattori. Both impressed in their first fights, as SawBlaze dispatched fellow perennial championship contender Whiplash, while Uppercut basically pulled a Patrick Swayze in Road House. Or at least Peter Griffin’s rendition of Patrick Swayze in Road House. Either way. Something’s gotta give and the winner probably gets to disassemble and reassemble a police car on the roof and the loser gets to determine how many smoots deep the Charles River is at Harvard Bridge.

(Hey, we had fun looking at MIT even if I didn’t apply there for college. More fun than Harvard and NEC were for sure. There was a lot of liquid nitrogen and helium just casually strewn about.)

Interestingly enough SawBlaze didn’t go full box rush, feigning it and backing away. Then again Uppercut now gets up to speed in 2 or 2.5 seconds (IIRC) so it wouldn’t have done much. So it was feinting and jostling and leaving just a little too much side exposed and Uppercut sent SawBlaze 10 feet away on top of the rails and is now breakdancing because a fork got caught in a killsaw slot while SawBlaze is self-righting/getting off the wall using its saw arm. Well, this has escalated quickly.

Oh it escalates more.

SawBlaze wasn’t totally free, leaving it enough of a sitting duck for Uppercut. Which hit the fuel tank. Cue the explosion and fireball coming from SawBlaze. Right in front of the judges to boot.

Whoever does the sound mixing, I want the raw box audio for this fight.

Oh by the way, SawBlaze was mostly fine after that hit. A bit of tire damage, though, so movement was hampered quite a bit. Uppercut moved in and got a couple more impressive (though much less than the first two) hits, flipping SawBlaze, leaving what I think was the nozzle for the flamethrower open? Whatever it was it wasn’t the saw, and it was no longer on SawBlaze, but that belt that also flew off probably operated the arm. One more shot flipped SawBlaze over but that was it. Student takes the pebble out of the master’s hand. Uppercut wins by KO in 1:08, and is seriously impressive. That weapon is potent, where Peter Abrahamson was comparing it to Monsoon and Tombstone. The slow-mo of that was sweet.

So there’s definitely some shake-up in Senor’s Sixteen. Uh… what do I got?

1. Uppercut (2-0)
2. Bloodsport (2-0)
3. Hydra (2-0)
4. End Game (1-1)
5. Tombstone (1-1)
6. Lock Jaw (2-0)
7. Black Dragon (2-0)
8. SawBlaze (1-1)
9. Skorpios (1-1)
10. MadCatter (3-0)
11. Whiplash (0-1)
12. Malice (2-1)
13. Valkyrie (2-0)
14. Copperhead (1-0)
15. BETA (1-0)
16. Gruff (1-0)

Also considered: Shatter! (1-1), JackPot (2-0), Perfect Phoenix (1-1), Gigabyte (1-1), HyperShock (0-1)
Dropped out: Rotator (0-2), Kraken (1-1)

I’ll be honest, Kraken dropped out due to no fault of its own and would be at 17. As for relevant fights tonight, we’ve got Copperhead taking on P1, BETA taking on Rusty, HyperShock taking on Mammoth (it does not look like there will be a battle rake for this fight), and in the main event, Gruff and Whiplash. And we’ll break it all down next week. See you then!