We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

Copa América (South American Euros)
Euro 2020 (European Euros aka defiers of the space/time continuum)
CONCACAF Gold Cup
Tokyo Olympic Games

And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!  Obligatory Hippo Speak – they’s still teh European Euros to me.  No, the Golden Shower Cup does not get – or deserve – the North American Euros moniker (or your attention).  There are only THREE legitimate Euros – South American, European, and Afrikan.

Who shall carry Los Sudamericano Euros en los Estados Unidos?  TUDN en epanol, various Fox Sports entities en ingles.  El schedulo es ahora.

Today’s team (and YES, this takes the place of MOAR generic Lesser coverage, though I certainly DO recommend watching both the Shempionship playoff final (10:00 EST), and the Shempions League final (3:00)) is:

Colombia!

Nice, simple tri-coloUr.  Can’t go wrong with that!

Country Fun Facts

There are two types of people in the world.  Those who love cocaine, and those who have never tried cocaine.

This nation used to also include Panama, until Los Canaleros seceded.  Guess which country’s intelligence service shiftily helped make THAT happen?

Lots of violence, lots of drugs, bitter blood feuds between liberal and conservative factioUns.  What’s not for the Ugly American to feel right at home?

Naturally, I almost always bet on the Medillin teams (RIP, Senor Escobar).  Always bet against Patriotas.  And yes, this was the nation where that “defender who scored an own goal against Los Estados Unidos” got murdered for it.  So if you EVAR go, may want to tread lightly with your witty remarks.

Team Schedule

Los Cafeteros aka in Hippo Speak Los Hermanos Coca somos en Gropa B – which is the easier bracket overall:

Lunes, 14 June – Colombia v. Ecaudor (10:00p EST, FS1/TUDN)

Viernes, 18 June – Colombia v. Venezuela (7:00p EST, FS2/TUDN)

Lunes, 21 June – Colombia v. Peru (9:00p EST, FS1/TUDN)

Jueves, 24 June – Colombia v. Brasil (9:00p EST, FS1/TUDN)

Team Preview / Top Players

Like he has been for almost half of the Premier League season, Him-ez is out injured.  He thinks he would have been fit, and is quite upset at being dropped.  Some Bitter Blues thought he was dogging it down the stretch, saving himself for marriage Los Sudamericano Euros (likely his last major international torneo).  Looks like he was either MOAR injured than we thought, or is equally dogging it for everyone!  But Jesus, he’s still handsome:

But don’t despair, there are other Toffees!  Specifically, rotational centre-half Yerry Mina, who is quite the unit.  He also gets lower body injuries if you look at him funny, though.  Alongside Spurs boo boy Davison Sanchez, they have been a fairly formidable back line combo, at least internationally.  David Ospina is still a very solid option in goal.  The question is…where do the goals come from, absent their magic man?  There are at least a handful of other midfielders and attackers that I’ve heard of.  Just not enough to form an actual opinion.  World ranking is 15th, which is quite respectable.

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot Colombian Women”

Oh my redux.  Lithe Latin American women are maybe Hippo’s favoUritest of all.  I would like this country, up until I got shot by an angry husband/brother.

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot Colombian Food”

That’s Cartagena Black Beef.  Again, ALWAYS go with Latin/South American spiced beef.  Or pork.  One can’t go wrong.

Hippo, have you ever been to this country?

No, I am a recluse.

Why you should root for this country

C’mon, you’d love to see Reverend Horton Heat perform before el gran final.  It’d be a psychobilly freakout!
There’s really no other way you can please such amazing womenfolk
The country has fallen in love with Everton, and deserves some consolation for that millstone

Why you should NOT root for this country

These are the “close but no cigar” side, seemingly every tournament.  Frustrating.
You are a member of FARC, and hold a grudge
As a Spurs supporter, you have grown to hate Davison Sanchez

Ennusteita (Hippo Liked the Finnish Word):

What poor scheduling – the two good sides in Gropa B play in the last match of the group round – when they clearly will hold back, both in terms of personnel and formation/creativity.  Again, 8 out of the 10 participants will advance to the Knockout Round.  There will be precious little to play for.  Just a thought – maybe only advance SIX clubes, so that they have incentive to fight for the bye?

I could see a Colombia/Brasil gran final, for sure.  Depending on whether the Argies can stay focused/drama-free (fat chance).  Brasil will win, of course.  This isn’t the World Cup.