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Your Sunday Night NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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Am typing this just over an hour into the first slate o’games.

-Are the Texans actually gonna pull this off? Tyrod playing mistake-free football so far.

-Here’s how it’s going to go for the Bills. They’re getting into the playoffs easily but when push comes to shove they won’t be able to bleed clock so they’ll have to depend on Allen making plays and he’ll have to be Eli-level lucky to get Buffalo multiple wins.

-Ravens/Bears is gonna win “Ugly Game of the Week”. The Lions lament losing the chance of making it two straight.

To The Game!

Steelers/Chargers:

-How does Pitt do it? How did they tie Detroit? Also, how are they 4-0-1 in their last five with a clearly on-his-very-last-leg Ben?

-I feel for Herbert, he’s in the exact same spot that Mahomes has been in a few times-trying to produce points because he knows his D will give up plenty.

-That hot Chargers start is slowly dissipating but bear in mind the losses were to the Ravens, Pats and Vikes. No exactly a bunch of pushovers. And the sked doesn’t get too much easier so they might be done.

-Look for Najee to have a decent game-you can run on the Chargers all day long.

Do your thing.

 

 

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Doktor Zymm

Home, fun Vegas day trip. Got a plan to make my job less boring, gonna put it in action tomorrow.

3
Doktor Zymm

Going by the proportion of early game comments to night game comments, I conclude that we are old and I am a-okay with this

Last edited 4 years ago by Doktor Zymm
1
hippofant

Doing marking I put off all weekend, so not that old! ¯\\(ツ)/¯

Last edited 4 years ago by hippofant
2
Doktor Zymm

Flight was delayed, but still pretty neat that I can leave within t-1 hour and still make my flight

1
ballsofsteelandfury

So, earlier this morning, I announced that we got NFL Redzone and that I was BACK BABY!

Well, I ended up falling asleep watching Redzone, woke up and decided working out would be a better use of my time, and didn’t tune back in until the afternoon games were in the 4th quarter.

Can’t say I missed anything.

2
Doktor Zymm

This still qualifies as BACK BABY!

1
Gumbygirl

Ugh.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I didn’t have my hopes up for this one. For some reason, they play like shit on Sunday nights.

1
Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. Why do we all have handles? And why didn’t my phone autocorrect to Handel? Clearly not playing enough Water Music!

1
Doktor Zymm

We don’t waltz, we mazurka

0
Doktor Zymm

Domes need to go. Fuck you and your conceit of normalizing weather. GO PLAY OUTSIDE

1
Fronkenshteen

Bet dead. Dead bet.

0
Fronkenshteen

Fuck I hate the Steelers

0
Gumbygirl

So if you go helmet to helmet against a Steeler, it’s A-ok. I see…

0
Fronkenshteen

Grumble grumble grumble

0
Col. Duke LaCross

Wait, Steelers fans are complaining about not getting calls?

1
Gumbygirl

Only egregious fouls that could cause serious injury. There were two of them. I’d bet money there will be fines.

0
Doktor Zymm

You are getting zero closeups dude, do up your chinstrap, you are more likely to get clocked than you are to look not-so-suave on social media

0
Doktor Zymm

Bounce passes okay, ball on elastic, logos different temps, totally cool to hang shit all over the place and it isn’t out of bounds if the ball hits it, LETS SPICE THIS SHIT UP

0
Doktor Zymm

We’re all a little bit racist episode 24, a couple of clearly not Vietnamese people playing video poker next to me get a full house, say ‘full boat’ and I, for no reason whatsoever, think ‘Vietnamese Boat People’. And I fucking know better. But they ARE steelers fans so maybe it isnt awful

1
Doktor Zymm

Amended, they have a friend with a weird sports bet that they’re supporting halfheartedly. I like them.

0
Fronkenshteen

Hey, universe? Could I please get ten more rushing yards out out Ekeler? I’m a nice guy.

0
WCS

Sudden change…?

Nah, probably not.

0
Sharkbait

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM

0
Fronkenshteen

Eat dead burnt bodies…

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

…and littering.

0
hippofant

Double crossing routes? IT’S MESH, CRIS. IT’S FUCKING MESH. WE’VE ONLY BEEN HEARING ABOUT IT FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS.

0
hippofant

For a brief fucking moment, I thought Cris was talking about some high-low crosser pattern, but no, it was just fucking backside mesh and Cris remains a fucking idiot.

0
litre_cola

He is the worst in my books.

0
hippofant

Cris: “Hahaha, 16-year olds going to war, boy those were the good old days.”

4
Gumbygirl

He is such a jagoff.

0
Doktor Zymm

It’s not super far off, when they showed the shot of JuJu earlier I realized that there are only a couple situations where you have a bunch of young,otherwise healthy people with injuries hanging around in a group

0
hippofant

Cris, I’m pretty sure everybody in the stadium is hoping to make it to the 4th quarter.

0
hippofant

“Just holding on and hoping some good happens,” is how most of us live our lives, Cris.

0
litre_cola

I take it an hour at a time during work hours to be honest.

1
Doktor Zymm

Eccles is doing quite well!

0
Doktor Zymm

One day, when I am super old and maybe the NFl doesn’t even exist anymore, I will get really drunk at the wedding of a stranger and call a false start penalty on the conga line

1
Redshirt

If this was the NFL and Tom Brady, Brady would’ve gotten no flag and Stewart would’ve been suspended for getting blood on Brady’s forearm and fist.

LeBron ejected for shot to Pistons’ Stewart face; Stewart ejected for going after LeBron in wild scene (msn.com)

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should start a new academic field of study called “Critical Raider Theory”.

2
Doktor Zymm

Do I want my imaginary children learning that in schools?

3
Gumbygirl

Is our children learning?

0
hippofant

From Operating Systems in Three Easy Parts:

ostep1.JPG
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hippofant

Gotta cite appropriately!

ostep2.JPG
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herodotus450

“So you see, Al, that’s why we use so-called ‘Atomic’ operations…”

0
Dunstan

I’ll move to Colorado and get elected governor on an anti-CRT campaign.

0
Gumbygirl

Go get Boebert’s seat. Her constituents will thinkyou mean the other one, not that they know what it is.

0
rockingdog

Last funny;

Human: we have a color named after you!
Salmon: really? is it silvery blue like my outsides?
Human: no, uh–
Salmon: wait why is it pink?
Human: …
Salmon: WHY IS IT PINK

6
Doktor Zymm

Herbert << Herbie the Love Bug

Last edited 4 years ago by Doktor Zymm
1
LemonJello

How’s he stack up against Herbie Hancock?

1
Doktor Zymm

That’s tougher. Clearly, Herbie Hancock is superior to Herbert, but difficult to compare to sentient autos. I tend to give the edge to Hancock, cause Watermelon Man kicks ass and no one really trusts Volkswagons

4
Sharkbait

Watermelon Man is the shit, but what about Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass?

1
Gumbygirl

He’s a great Herb. Herb Tarlek is a great Herb. Marijuana is a great Herb.

0
Redshirt

Rikki, before you quit on the Raiders, here’s some advice from someone whose been in the hole you’re in.

I’ve been an active Bengals fans since 1992, but I’ve been hurt before that. My first sports memory is the morning after Super Bowl XXIII opening the door seeing my dad in the hallway and just by seeing the look on his face, I knew they lost and lost painfully. That’s my team; hurting me before I began to love them.

I could detail every heartbreaking thing I’ve endured as a Bengals fan. Hell, I could probably turn it into a multipart post segment. But that’s not why I’m a fan.

I’m a fan for the good parts. Jeff Blake coming out from nowhere to nearly shocking the 2-time defending Super Champion Cowboys. Doug Pelfrey kicks a game winner to end the 1994 season after one hell of a Bengals comeback. Boomer Esiason comes off the Bengals to finish his career and goes out in a blaze of glory. Neil O’Donnell beating his old team with a fake spike. Corey Dillon setting the rookie record and the NFL record for rushing yards. The 2003 season and Jon Kitna’s resurrection of the Franchise. Watching Kitna and Carson Palmer give Marvin Lewis the Gatorade Shower as the Bengals clinch the AFC North in 2005 in Detroit. Slowing realizing that I’m treating Bengals wins like its a common occurrence and not a treasured memory. I could go on but I’ve hope proved my point.

If you want to give up on your team, that’s your call. But just know the bad times makes the good times so much sweeter.

4
hippofant

Couunterpoint: Redshirt is a Bengals fan. Why would you listen to a Bengals fan?

3
hippofant

Also, the Bengals have just been bad. Except the whole Vontaze Burfict thing, the organization actually seems decent. The Raiders are run and owned by fuckheads.

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Doktor Zymm

This does make a difference. Take the entire Browns team, pick them up and put them in a franchise that isn’t dysfunctional and you probably have a dynasty

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I appreciate that, Redshirt. The thing is – they have an out. If they make the playoffs – and I put this deal on the table for them well before this collapse happened – I’ll stick with them. But they’ve had one winning season in the last twenty years. Just one! The victories just aren’t worth it to me anymore – the Raiders bring nothing to my life other than sadness and frustration. I’ve got nothing left.

1
Redshirt

That seems fair. I’ll support whatever you choice, but if you decide to be a Bengals fans, give me a chance to talk you down from the ledge before you commit.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It doesn’t help that the NFL genuinely hates the Raiders franchise. I know it sounds like tin-foil hat type shit but I really do think the league (and the refs) have it in for them, and always will.

1
hippofant

Hey hold on now, be fair to the NFL. We ALL hate the Raiders.

1
Gumbygirl

Which is why I strongly recommend a sidepiece.

0
Doktor Zymm

I stand by my decision to give up on the Redacteds, but I will happily revisit when they stop being Snyderlicious. Yech, he even makes a gross sounding adjective.

4
Doktor Zymm

Proposed rule change:. If they call PI and you catch it anyway, 3 bonus yards! It doesn’t happen that often, so why not a difficulty bonus?

3
Redshirt

Screw the yards, one bonus point!

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

The rouge

3
Redshirt

I still think they should make kickoff through the uprights as one point, but to make it fair, if you miss a kickoff that goes out of the endzone still in the air, the team gets the ball on the 35 or 40.

1
herodotus450

Everyone’s little avatar pictures are back, that’s good! I don’t have to read names anymore, that’s good!

1
Sharkbait

Can we at people now? I see @ next to all of our names

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

no

0
litre_cola

No?

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

. NO

0
Sharkbait

This is spousal abuse
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Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
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litre_cola

What else is blue?????

3
Dunstan

Sharkbait’s balls if he comes back to win.

6
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

What’s the trash talk like?

3
Sharkbait

Pretty tame for the most part. Side bets can get interesting.

1
rockingdog

Got a moderna booster COVID shot today
Yay science 🧬 💉

9
WCS

Yeah, rockingdog!
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Doktor Zymm

Herbert looks like he could slide in a miniskirt without serious abrasions

1
Fronkenshteen

My opponent this week has Mike Evans and Leonard Fournette left. I have Kadarius Toney and a 27.66 point lead. I can grab Kenny Golladay off waivers. What do you think?

0
Gatoraids

I just dropped Elijah Moore for Gollday so could on Gollday going for 2 catched for 15 yds and a season ending fumble injury

0
yeah right

I grabbed Golladay off waivers myself for Marquise Brown so we’re riding the same pony.

0
WCS

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Fronkenshteen

Your majesty!

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litre_cola

My liege.

5
LemonJello

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Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
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Doktor Zymm

As long as it isn’t the effrontry of the peasants, that would be unconsciable!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was thinking about how my Raiders fandom basically came into being because they won the Super Bowl at the right time in my life (when I was eight – following the 1983 season). But when you think about it, it was a pretty perilous window:

1982: Redskins. Just an awful, awful franchise, head to toe, and their last title – and also their last Super Bowl appearance – was in 1991.
1983: Raiders.
1984: 49ers. This would have been a much better year to jump on the bandwagon.
1985: Bears. This remains the franchise’s peak.

2
LemonJello

The Sex Cannon would like a word…but then you’d be pregnant.

2
rockingdog

When I move back to California, I kind of want to snag a Marshawn Lynch raiders jersey off eBay

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is pretty cool; I’m glad he got to play with them. If only every game had been as great as that first game at home against the Jets.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KaFxBq0uvYQ

0
LemonJello

THE BEN on the sideline looks like he’s trying to figure out what smells bad.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

THE BEN on the sideline looks like he’s trying to figure out why he smells bad

4
Dunstan

Pepper spray really isn’t as pleasant-smelling as it sounds, I guess.

0
LemonJello

I’ve been subjected to both pepper spray and tear gas. Pepper spray is the worst, and I don’t know if I could tell you what it smells like.

0
Redshirt

A quick search says probably hot peppers as that is what pepper spray is make out of, capsaicin, which is found in chilis.

0
LemonJello

Right, but getting it in the face so overwhelmed all senses with pain that I don’t recall a smell. CS or tear gas has a unique smell and takes a little while to have an effect.

0
Gumbygirl

I was like huh? And then I remembered you were a marine. Hard charging devil dog! Drop and give me 20!

1
Fronkenshteen

I hope they hit on that wheel route to Ekeler at least once tonight. THINGA BYOOTEE!

1
LemonJello

BLEERGH will not be ignored tonight

0
Doktor Zymm

The dude two to my left is sucking down white russians like there is no tomorrow. Does vodka make milk easier to digest or should I put up a splash shield?

0
LemonJello

Splash shield, poncho and tall boots

3
Gatoraids

Depends if hes wearing a bathrobe or not in public

3
litre_cola

Had an old boss who drank rum and milk for his ulcers. So really, I don’t know.

1
yeah right

The dude abides.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just discovered a nail in my tire. So in addition to mentally preparing myself to jettison the team I’ve been rooting for since I was seven years old, I’ve got that going on, too. Fun day!

0
Redshirt

If the tire is not flat or losing air, you might be able to drive to a repair shop with it on, at least I was able to. Just don’t drive fast and be ready to react if you have a blowout.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, it actually should be a fairly straightforward plug job. Fingers crossed. I’d honestly rather have it be this than anything else.

1
litre_cola

Straightforward plug job? Germany is disappointed.

1
Redshirt

Usually if its not in the sidewall, tread or valve, it should be patchable. Usually.

1
Doktor Zymm

Pump up the jams and also your tire on the way to getting it patched

Last edited 4 years ago by Doktor Zymm
3
LemonJello

That’s Mark Davis`s way to keep you in the fold.

2
rockingdog

Found a funny;

nice roads u got there…. be a shame if they were… diverged in a yellow wood

5
herodotus450

In order to more accurately quantify the suffering of fanbases, I use what I like to call the “wait your turn” metric: if sprots were perfectly balanced, each team would win once every 30 or so years. So anything under 45 just isnt all that impressive.
/this post brought to you by me trying to remember if basedball season was over yet.

3
Doktor Zymm

That’s statistically accurate, but if you’re going for a pain index, you really need to be psychologically accurate. Do they have hope? Do they remember better days? Do they have other things in their life?

2
herodotus450

Is it more painful to be a Brown, and never have hope at all, or a Bill and have four hopes that all fall hilariously short?

3
NotShogunButShogun

Lions would like a word too.

3
Doktor Zymm

The Bills Owl history puts them top of the heap. They have collective ‘wide left’ trauma, it hurts them even when it happens to someone else

3
Gumbygirl

Might be a few Steelers fans there. We tried to get tix for this, they wanted Bongo Bucks. We’re going to the Rams game on the 4th instead.

2
hippofant

Is that like Canadian Tire money, but for Americans?

3
Gumbygirl

Colorful foreign currency that you need a zillion of to equal one dollar.

2
litre_cola

So, yes.

2
LemonJello

When I win the lottery, I’m getting a suite and inviting all of [DFO]

Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
7
yeah right

Better yet book us rooms because you can’t drive in or out of that madness.

3
Gumbygirl

That’s what we’re doing Saturday night at one of them by LAX, uber to and fro. We got an extra day of park and ride so we can leave the car there.

2
LemonJello

Party bus? Party bus!

1
Gumbygirl

4th, 5th, who knows?

1
Doktor Zymm

Are there cheap Steelers games ever? Seems like the sort of danbase that’ll inflate the prices of even unpleasant away games

2
Gumbygirl

We have paid a premium at every stadium we’ve seen them at. Unless it was one of the years we had season tickets somewhere.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

4 minutes into the game and I’m already sick of Colinsworth

1
LemonJello

What are you, some kind of marathon man?

4
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

No, tuned in 2 minutes late

2
Gumbygirl

That’s probably still a record.

3
yeah right

Outlasted me.

1
Doktor Zymm

Since I was embroiled in cards during the second thread, here is my belated but still hearty LOLDALLASHAHAHAHACOWS

2
hippofant

Sometimes I think progressives have their heads up their asses, but then I stumble across “intellectual conservatism” and their heads are so far up their asses that they’re vomited back out and swallowed back down.

1
LemonJello

“Go on…”
-“The Human Centipede” writing team

1
Doktor Zymm

Ugh, my private(ish, not really) jet flight is experiencing rolling delays. On the plus side, I’ll be able to watch the entire night game, on the minus side, I might have to watch the entire night game and won’t get home until after midnight

1
LemonJello

Dok`s return flight, artist’s concept:

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11
Redshirt

I’m watching “Spider-Man 3”. Send help! URGENT!

0
LemonJello

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0
Redshirt

Like “Rise of Skywalker”, “How it Should Have Ended” improved this movie as well.

Butler: “I was there. I cleaned your father’s wounds. There is no doubt. He caused his own death.”
(dramatic music and slow zoom into Harry’s face)
Harry: “You are so fired.”
Butler: “What?”
Harry: “Why didn’t you tell me?!”
Butler: “I didn’t want to cause you pain.”
Harry: “I GOT MY FACE BLOWN OFF BY A GRENADE!!! Get out!”
Butler (while leaving): “Oh, and Peter’s been infected by some alien black sludge that causing him to be overly aggressive and act out of character. Just FYI.”

0
Redshirt

“Redshirt, the pork chops have spoiled! What do you want from Taco Bell?”
“Hold on. Let’s not count out the pork chops too quickly.”

2
LemonJello

They’re only mostly spoiled…

0
Doktor Zymm

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1
Doktor Zymm

Played cards for about 5 hours and I’m up $18, 5 vodka sodas and a Fiji water! Gonna go hit up the noodle bar

3
Doktor Zymm

Noodles is 40 minute wait! Screw that, getting pizza or similar from snack bar

1
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