Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

It is not the length of life, but the depth [in bed].
Ralph Waldo Emerson.

But I thought that width was better then length?
And it’s also prob the motion of the ocean and nawt the size of the boat.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Don T

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Speaking of big booty celebrities who peaked in the mid-2000s who are now in legal trouble, ya hear that Shakira got convicted for tax somthing-or-other?
herodotus450

Not convicted yet. She’s facing trial in Spain.
ballsofsteelandfury

The Court would like to remind the defendant that her hips are under oath.
King Hippo

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/went to a knee specialist today

Doc: “Pretty obvious, you need a scope.”

Me: “I figured that-how soon?”

Doc: “We’ll do it as soon as we can. Check with my assistant.”

Me: [checks with assistant]

Assistant: : “We can probably get you into surgery in three/four weeks. At worst eight weeks from now.”

BC Dick: [bursts through door] “THE SOCIALIST GOVERNMENT SUCKS!”

Assistant: “Sir, this is a doctor’s office.”
scotchnaut

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These are the sweetest words I have read so far in 2022

Don T

Full Disclosure: I am NOT inclined to favor FBI raids. But G-men running their greasy hands all over Trump’s antique junk bonds collection, plus incriminating stuff, is delightful.
Don T

Here’s my hot taek: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha[ deep breath] hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!
Gumbygirl

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I like a bet. I try to introduce bets into everyday life, including work. Like, if someone’s mouthing off and getting a little too full of themselves, I like to goad them into a bet I know they’re too chickenshit to take.

Shuts them up real good
ballsofsteelandfury

Balls’ attitude turned into BC Dick so quickly I hardly noticed.
litre_cola

what goes together liek Balls and Dick amirite??
King Hippo

Cuntler?
scotchnaut

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Jeebus Crikey-

The wifey has been contacted by yet another organization (that’s three so far) that heard that she was moving on from her current position.

/Gotdamn, I married well
scotchnaut

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Blink twice if Ray Rice asked you to step onto the elevator with him before writing this [2017 Baltimore Ravens draft review].
LemonJello

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Sharkbait

Good, I worry because I keep hearing how this could happen to ANYONE.
SonOfSpam

[glances nervously at cache of stolen classified documents]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Oh I wonder if Jack Del Rio has any hot takes on the FBI raid at Mar a Lardo.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Odd, I don’t think about Jack del Rio at all.
Horatio Cornblower

“I do, because she’s my wife”

-Trent Green
SonOfSpam

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Equanimeous St. Brown sounds like an alias John Elway would use when checking into a ranch for a getway weekend.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hay now!

-John Elway, ordering dinner at said ranch
Horatio Cornblower

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I enjoy rooting for my team. I like when they play games here, in our stadium.
Brick Meathook

How do you do, fellow sports fan?
Dunstan

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Agent Orange is suggesting the FBI planted evidence. Which means the FBI found something, and something big.
Redshirt

NY AG may seek ‘corporate death penalty’ for Trump Tower — and all his golf courses: legal expert (msn.com)
Redshirt

WCS

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Lock-Jaw was the Secret Service code name for Nikki Haley at the United Nations.
blaxabbath

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Gigabyte is what the caterers at John McCain’s post-funeral reception call Meghan McCain.
blaxabbath

I thought she was known as Megalodon?
LemonJello

Smeg-The Refrigerator.
Gumbygirl

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THIS BIOHAZARD I CALL HIM ASHLII BABBIT BECAUSE HIS BODY CLEARLY JUST COULDN’T ABSORB A SHOT OF SUCH SIGNIFICANT POWER AND ENERGY!
blaxabbath

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My renewed passport arrived today! I’m celebrating by looking at pictures of the laksa I’m gonna eat when I’m in Singapore a couple weeks from now.
https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-p/15/39/5f/4f/photo1jpg.jpg
Doktor Zymm

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Don T

Wish I made it to that sick Red Rock performance.
Mr. Ayo

He performed with Nine Inch Nails
SonOfSpam

Gumbygirl

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Me: Barring some kind of catastrophic fuckup, the gmen are gonna win this game

Mrs. Sharkbait: Shut up SHUT UP!
Sharkbait

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Speaking of the Giants dropped passes, here are mine-

Me: “I’m super excited about going to see ‘Edward Scissorhands’!”

Server: [in retrospect, had a huge crush] “Oh my god! Me too!”

Me: “That’s cool. Can I get another Stella?”
scotchnaut

Regular: “This should be our song.” [gives me the headphones]

Me: [listens to ‘Damn, If I Was Your Lover’] “That is a great song!”
scotchnaut

Server: “I really, really missed you while you were on vacation.”

Me: “Um, I, uh, missed you too.”
scotchnaut

/related to my post below[ now above]

It is absolutely not fair when a server/regular drops their boobs onto the back of my hand when I’m concentrating on solving the NY Times Crossword. I’m calling you out, Carol, Cathy and Jessica!

/I hope they see this
scotchnaut

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About as useful!

Mr. Ayo

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Brian Hoyer has been in the league so long he backed up Sid Luckman.
JimU

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.25 oz. rich demerara simple syrup sounds like the code word Chinese slaves in Florida massage parlors use to describe manually bringing Robert Kraft to crescendo.
blaxabbath

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Anne Heche got the proverbial plug pulled. I wonder when Petey King will tell a server to he/she cry. I bet Ellen will punch several staffers, too.

Also, and I cannot stress this enough fellow dick joke enthusiasts, reprobates, degenerates, and the occasional decent-person-type (looking at you, Gumbygirl): DON’T DRIVE WASTED.
WCS

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The Pratt & Whitney R-4360 was “cross valved:” the intake valve opened slightly before the exhaust valve shut. The supercharged fuel-air mixture momentarily blew through the cylinder, scavenging remaining combustion gases and pushing them out the exhaust port; this helped cool the exhaust valve disk, which was typically the hottest part of the engine and most prone to catastrophic failure.

Brick Meathook

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What’s the difference between flotsam and jetsam?
Doktor Zymm

Flotsam is crud that floats on the water. Jetsam is crud that moves across the water, frequently faster than the speed of sound.
2Pack

I thought Jetsam was the one that has its starting quarterback tear his ACL in a preseason game.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Fernando Tatis got bagged for PEDs and apparently blaming a prescription he took for ringworm.

Motherfucker, you are playing and presumably residing in San Diego, not Haiti or Bumfuck, Alabama.
Horatio Cornblower

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4th String QB Alert for Arizona.
Redshirt

Wow, can’t believe they’re playing Kyler this early.
Mr. Ayo

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MILF-huntin’ Mormon done popped his ACL. Jets are in mid-season “let’s roll” form.
King Hippo

Found on reddit: “Just texted my buddy that he suffered A mom contact injury. Best autocorrect ever”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Good news, the Cherries put one in the back of the net!

The bad news…
King Hippo

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I like Hippo’s shrewd strategy to gain the ability to live in Canada should the need arise. You’re a smart man, Hippo!
ballsofsteelandfury

He could try and get a hooker pregnant while up there to secure an anchor baby, but those damn bleeding heart Canadian librals still sell contraceptives smh
herodotus450

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Lying here watching the game waiting for my 3 year old to wake up and come stumbling into our room all sleepy-eyed and bed-headed. He’ll snuggle me and his mom for about ten minutes, then be a pain in the ass terror for thirteen hours. Helluva ten minutes though.
Fronkenshteen

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I’m going to start a yam-themed Pere Ubu tribute band called Pere Ube
Doktor Zymm

They could cover Rolling Stones songs like Starch Me Up
SonOfSpam

All the classics, like ZZ Top’s Tuber Snake Boogie
Doktor Zymm

Pantera Bread’s “This Loaf” from the album Vulgar Display of Flour.
WCS

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Korean fried chicken is a very real thing that is delicious and needs to stay around from this day forward.
yeah right

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In a momentous occasion that only happens every few years, I actually got around to one of the tasks on my non-time sensitive and kind of a pain in the ass list of stuff to do! I dropped off an old printer for electronics recycling!

Now to celebrate by being unproductive the rest of the day!
Doktor Zymm

WCS

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I thought the “Alabama Shakes” was when your favorite pig gets sent off to the slaughterhouse depriving you of both saturated lipids and company, but it turns out they’re actually a serviceable band.
herodotus450

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Nottingham Forest’s victory does, as dictated by tradition, demands a celebratory archery contest, (to be won by a mysterious competitor disguised as a woman), followed by an ox roast somewhere in the woods.
herodotus450

Hammers RN:

Sharkbait

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We have arrived in theeeeee Columbus Ohio. I keep asking if anyone remembers a Herodotus (who may or may not be an ancient Greek) or a magical pony named Redshirt who was in theeeeeee band. No luck yet, but these Yankee folk is giving me plenty of personal space.
King Hippo

Try using my given name, Kirk Herbstreit.
herodotus450

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I gave blood today!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, I thought to myself WWtWBSD while chatting with the foxy little medical technician. In the end, I did not end up doing what he would have done.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dated her for a bit only to find out she is. BDSM QAnon member?
litre_cola

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Need some advice, the wife has spent the day organizing my kitchen, as I do all the cooking and cleaning in there, while she has a bedroom, 3 closets, and another bedroom that looks like a set from Hoarders. Should I bring this up and point it out to her or must keep my mouth shut and move everything back when she is done?
ArmedandHammered

Mouth shut, move it back three days from now.

Start a controlled burn in the hoarders room.
Horatio Cornblower

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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