I’m ready for more-let’s dig in.
Jets/Browns:
If Cleveland wins their home opener they’ll be 2-0 for the first time since Islamic fundamentalists tried to bomb the World Trade center for the first time. Symmetry! Those that invested a high draft pick in Breece Hall might not have been happy with his mere 12 touches. Might be a while before he dominates this timeshare, if he does.
Commies/Lions:
It was just the Jags but Wentz went for 4 TD’s last week. (accompanied by the usual 2 INTs, of course) Might Dotson be the real thing? If so, the one-two punch of he and McLaurin might provide a wee bit of hope for a certain kind of Sewage Water Sucker.
Bucs/Saints:
According to TMZ, Brady is being cock-blocked in New Orleans and at home these days, though in different ways. Tom must hate that Saints D almost as much as he despises tomatoes. (can’t help throwing a little nightshade at him)
Panthers/Giants:
CMC owners weren’t happy with the paltry number of touches their guy got last week. Don’t worry though, as the losses pile up and his job starts to slip away, Rhule will no doubt over-use him to the point of breakage. Ta Da! Speaking of, Injurious Toney (stolen) tweaked a hammy on the plane trip back from Tennessee last week. Saquon looked like his old 2018 self for the very first time last week. The Burst is back, baby!
Pats/Steelers:
Tomlin is somehow going to get the Steelers above .500 this year, isn’t he? Well, if it part of that journey includes a win over New England today, I’ll be booking a first class ticket. Keep those Bellini’s coming, good sir!
Colts/Jags:
A small part of me cheers for the Jags simply because I hate that festering wound of a human by the name of Urban Meyer. However, there’s no stopping JT today-his ypc average vs. Jack Town is a gaudy 6.8.
Fins/Raven:
I do like the way new coach MacDonald carries himself and I do like the play-calling that was done last week against the Pats. Seems like Waddle has been replaced as The Target Monster by Tyreek, targets being 12-5 and all. Though I would think that it somewhat evens out as the season progresses. Say a prayer for Gesicki’s fantasy relevance-he just isn’t a good fit in this offense.
Apparently there’s an in-house Derby in soccerland going down this morning. Enjoy.
Sudden change in Santa Clara due to poor trickeration by Seattle
A one-second play!
Good job Tua but settle down on the celebration, don’t want to hurt yourself
Tua has progressed beyond ‘mostly dead’ status. Holy Shitballs! What a game!
Let’s see if Lamar! has a Mahomes against Buffalo setting.
THE BANANACAKES ARE PLAID. THIS IS NAE A DRILL.
TUA TIME!
break out the isotoners
Scott Hansen is the greatest living American.
Fins Game Announcer: “This game has been bananas.”
Close. “Bananacakes” is the proper terminology.
may be adjusted for regional dessert pastry terminology
Not gonna lie-this slate got off poorly but delivered in the end.
THE FACTORY OF SADNESS JUST FORCED EVERYONE TO DOUBLE-SHIFT
This ain’t over.
ah stands corrected
That was epic. The look at those Browns players and coaches.
E-LITE!!!
Is it me or does the Cleveland mascot painted on midfield look like a deranged midget?
Season ends with Brownie the Elf joining the Watson sexual assault suits
He touched me butthole! (in elfin voice)
#ThePauls!!!
I’m ready for the Pickett era.
Can’t come too soon. The problem is that Tomlin won’t switch until the Titty Kisser gets hurt.
I may have to retract my “Tua is dead” obituary. He’s not dead yet.
Lets not cover Hill is a bold strat
Holy. Fuck. Fins.
Whoa. I thought the Fins were Coved and done.
Ravens put them in the microwave and ruined it for everyone
Quote the Raven:
Burnt
Lions rebounding quite nicely vs the pressure that the Sewage Water Warriors were exerting.
I’ve got a couple of ideas. Don’t run on first down. Throw the ball downfield.
world of cracraft sends a touchdown into the fantasy void
The Fix is in for Team MRSA. Jesus.
was really hoping for some Gage Garbage time points too
oh wait thought the score was from a MLS match
MRSA so powerful even Tom Brady’s portrait of Dorian Grey decayin
It’s statistically impossible that in over TWO DECADES, at least four different coordinators and two head coaches, the Stillers defense still cannot cover a Pats tight end or slot receiver, yet here we are.
Statistics just highlights patterns that already exist in the data, so I would say that not only is it statistically possible, but it may even be statistically imperative at this point
The Giants haven’t been able to cover the tight end because they haven’t had a lb with speed since Jessie Armstead. He left the team in 2001. Jason Witten’s Hall of Fame speech (shut up, he’s getting in because he’s white) should be 80% devoted to the Giants D.
I’ve been watching Steelers games with my wife for 30+ years now, and they still haven’t fixed that hole in the middle of the defense.
Looks like stream is dead upon entry to Rappahanock county. I hopes there is enough internets here for wordpress
I think Lamar! is gonna get what moneys he asked for.
going to single handedly raise inflation by another percent
Luckily it’ll just be on Cristal and Lamborghinis and OnlyFans and whatever else QBs spend their money on.
Apparently Curtis Samuel isn’t a one week wonder.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Anyone needing MOAR fantasy points from Mike Evans…might be SOL
I need to know what Lattimore said. He got Brady pissed!
Something about eggplants and Giselle
It was the eggplant comment that really set him off.
Sent a copy of Unconscious Uncoupling to Gisele on the goup special list