Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This week I’ve won 2 of 3 FF games. Maybe. In my money league I’ve won by 0.76 points, so fully expect that to end with mid week stat corrections. That’s also the league that I picked up Gus Edwards, who then got almost 19 points on my bench, which almost outscored my 2 starting RB’s.
In the Freezer Vodka league our good Doktor is beating me by 0.38 points, so expect that to continue after any stat corrections. Mark Edwards with 0.4 points did not help the cause.
How many points were left on your bench?

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there [in bed].
Stephen Chbosky

Not sure about the rest of you but that’s not really a choice when I wake up at, like, 4 AM to pee.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Totally normal country we have here

https://twitter.com/BobbyBigWheel/status/1582045100221136901

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you don’t eat all your meals by biting chunks of flesh off a still-breathing animal…
You might be a cuck!
BC Dick

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I seem to be getting traction on the Cardinals boards that Mike Bidwill is a homosexual. I’m not sure if it’s been the six weeks of, “Bidwill’s sexuality aside…” comments but the Qardinals die-hards are starting to link Dan Snyder having dirt on other owners with my throw-away allusions.

I think the most beneficial circumstance has been that the team is a complete embarrassment and there is no hope amongst fans with the coach, gm, and Xbox Jr all getting big extensions this year while the Bidwill is MIA preparing for his big Super Bowl hosting payday. And when there is no hope for…you know, these people…turning on the gays is one of their default expressions. Today I’ve got posters joking that Snyder has tapes of Keim and Bidwill while Kingsbury’s role is to just stand there with his thousand yard stare.

Oh another dude just went to an unrelated comment and dropped a, “Bidwill has a crush on Kingsbury so he’s safe.”

Anyways, point is, if Bidwill won’t sell or move the team, then I’m okay with him getting lynched.
blaxabbath

I’m not sure if it’s been the six weeks of, “Bidwill’s sexuality aside…”

This is terrible and you should be as ashamed of yourself for doing it as I am for laughing so hard when I read it that I startled my dog.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Shanklor, I have never prayed to you before, I have tongue for it.

I beg you to help me now!

And if you don’t, THEN TO HELL WITH YOU!!!
Brocky

God pokes Brocky in the eye
Mr. Ayo

you misspelled “ass”
SonOfSpam

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Chargers OC: “We’re going to run on 1st down quite a bit.”

Herbert : “I’ve got a wicked arm though.”

Chargers OC: “Well, that’ll come in handy during our many 3rd and long situations, won’t it?”

Herbert: “….”
scotchnaut

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“That halftime show isn’t really Chris Berman’s fastest three minutes.” — Mrs. Berman
Dunstan

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Two months and six days after surgery I walked all over the place today, for the first time, although with crutches. No baby steps for the Brickster: I took an Uber to rent a car at LAX (a Volkswagen Atlas crossover, which is not bad), and then loaded 60 pounds of camera gear and luggage into it, all single-handedly. I did all that on only two Tylenols because I planned on driving across the desert today, but instead I’m going to leave at about 2 AM this morning. I am a monster.
Brick Meathook

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These bowling tales make me want to join a league again. I need to keggle! And I could probably use some Kegels too, I occasionally sprinkle ( like a fucking lady ) when I sneeze. TMI, sourry! This series [Guttersnipe] is outstanding, I dub thee Sir Richard of British Columbia!
Gumbygirl

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I am emotionally invested in BC’s bowling league standings to a degree that could be charitably described as “unhealthy”
Horatio Cornblower

Pretty much everything associated with a bowling league can be described as “unhealthy.”
Dunstan

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Your description of adolescent lust needs more Axe body spray.

More tips: take a rag to wipe the oil off the ball, if for no other reason than that the oil is kind of nasty. And it’s common bowling league courtesy to not bowl right next to another bowler while they’re bowling. One empty lane on both sides is sufficient.
BugEyedBoo

I will do the ball wiping this time. I wasn’t sure if that was necessary or just preference.
BC Dick

WCS

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As I was retching [after eating a Big Turk], I swear I heard the remainder of the “candy” bar deny the Armenian genocide.
King Hippo

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I’m sure everyone is shocked that Balls’ favorite method was to suck off the chocolate stick. [from the Big Turk]
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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One thing I really hate about the Astros, besides all the cheating and the medical malpractice that ended JR Richards’s career, is that they have outstanding throwback uniforms and they just go with these duds.
Horatio Cornblower

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(on her death bed)
Elizabeth II: “My son, I have faith you will be a great King.”
Prince Charles: “I’ll do you proud, Mum.”

(looking down from Heaven)
Elizabeth II: “Two bloody Prime Ministers in less than two months?! I knew I should’ve made William my successor!”
Charles I: “Give the brat some time. I’ve seen worst reigns than this.”
Redshirt

Elizabeth and Chucky definitely had a Mallory-Sterling Archer relationship.
WCS

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Be glad the Founding Fathers didn’t go with a Prime Minister. Just imagine how more screwed up America would be.
Redshirt

Hmm. I dunno. Deffo a clusterfuck going on across the pond….

but on the other hand, they were able to get rid of a obviously incompetent leader that was ruining their economy in service of the ridiculously wealthy in just 45 days.

I’m kinda jealous of that, TBH.
BeefReeferLives

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Motion to change the UK’s national anthem to Yakety Sax.
WCS

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CMC tradeded to Niners for draft picks.
WCS

A team full of injured players adding an injury prone RB?

You won’t believe what happens next!
Mr. Ayo

Moving from a place where everyone looks homeless to where they actually are homeless.
ArmedandHammered

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When that pass got tipped I got excited hoping for another interception then I realized I’m playing the Arizona defense, not the other way around
Brocky

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Let me try and tell a DFO joke. Cut me some slack because I’m new here.

Here we go:

”Look at all that food! Oh boy! I am going to eat it all!”

-Andy Reid

(How was that? See, it’s funny because he’s so fucking obese. Get it?)
Brick Meathook

I give this joke a 2; as in type 2 diabetes that Andy Reid has.

buddam tss
Wakezilla

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Woooooooohoooooo, here we go!

Gumbygirl

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Redshirt

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All the Bastard Man sides look likely to win, which is usually a good motivator for a HippoNap. But I just ate.
King Hippo

How was the cheese-less grilled cheese sandwich?
scotchnaut

#HateCrime
King Hippo

Monster!
Mr. Ayo

That is indeed what I ate, just not fancy-like
King Hippo

So, buttered toast?

Heathen! That’s not a meal, that’s a side. It’s not even a sandwich by Maestro’s loose standards!
Mr. Ayo

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Ribs have been in the smoker for 2 hours, suddenly I have a flannel shirt, an ironic hat and a hankerin for an IPA.
litre_cola

What’s playing on the stereo?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some band you’ve never heard of. He caught a couple of their shows back in the aughts at a small place in Seattle. Then they broke up.
Horatio Cornblower

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United desperately need a striker. It shouldn’t take 25 chances a game to score a goal
Wakezilla

I know just the guy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“The little Brazilian schemer is in the book.”

Now that is a Premier League sentence right there.
Horatio Cornblower

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BLEERGH: “If you so much as touch our QBs, we will kill you and then flag you!”
JV BLEERGH: “Death Valley Driver on an RB? All good, play on!”
Redshirt

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Haaland 2 Brighton 0 Hove 0 Albion 0
scotchnaut

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A skill-testing question for the clubhouse — what colour are Brighton’s uniform’s here today?
Cecil Rhodes

Fuschia like the fields in Afghanistan.
litre_cola

Huzzah! I’ve figured it out! It’s the colour of that one river near the Norilsk Nickel Mines!

Cecil Rhodes

I am surprised there is a single living organism near that river, or can trees not get cancer?
ArmedandHammered

Looks like a place the Space Marines would get their drinking water from.
Horatio Cornblower

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Jake Plummer’s son just threw a beautiful ball for Cal and I feel old.
WCS

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Checking in from a wedding. I also feel old.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Checking in at 6:30 a.m. local time after having gone to bed at 10 p.m. on a Saturday. I feel pretty old myself.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Scene: The Cornblowers’ Local

The Cast: Mr. & Mrs. Cornblower, the Bar Staff

Timing: Closing, (I don’t know why they shut down at 10 either, but they do)

Mrs. C: “Are you ready to go?”

Horatio: /shotguns beer, grabs leftovers. “Yep”

Jen (obligatory sexy bartender): “You guys want to take a rip off my vape?”

Mrs. C: “Tell you what, amateur, why don’t we go out to my car and see what I can find in the glove compartment?”

Horatio: (to remaining bartender, also sexy) “This is going to take a while. Can I have another beer?”

Before anyone (glares at Balls) gets too excited there was no sudden appearance by a pizza delivery guy, no bow-chicka-wah-wah sound track, and no “I’ve never done this before” conversation among the womenfolk, but I did get a free beer and a lot of people got pretty damn high out in the parking lot.
Horatio Cornblower

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There was also an incident at the bar where a group of three women came in at closing and one of them threw a fit at the youngest member of the staff because they weren’t immediately given menus. I’m not sure what Jen said to them, but it ended with two of them pulling the third away while she told Jen to “work on yourself internally” and Jen told her to have a nice night, but have it somewhere else.

Come to think of it, that may be why everyone left for the parking lot several minutes later.
Horatio Cornblower

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ESPN is interviewing Marshawn live and he just dropped at least one “shit” on a live mic. Could be more, I’m pretty lit at the moment.

OH SHIT, MARSHAWN JUST PULLED HIS MOTHER INTO THE SHOT!!! And now he’s hitting on the interviewer.

Marshawn Lynch is a national treasure.
Horatio Cornblower

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I ASKED LADY MAESTRO TO MARRY ME TODAY AND SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Maestro

You two will make a great sandwich.
Mr. Ayo

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Ok, Imma say a few things before the afternoon games start and keep it here instead of derailing the afternoon thread:

Hello, I’m ThePirateSloth, you may remember me from comment sections such as KSK, Kotaku, and DFO. For roughly the last 15 years, as I was falling deeper into a depression loop/spiral, I found myself losing interest in the Seahawks and football in general. I found it incredibly draining to go to a home game, to the point where I was only going to 1 game a season, and even that was difficult to get excited about. I wasn’t sticking around DFO often to make football jokes because I couldn’t muster the interest to both watch football AND have a way to comment at the same time. It was all just so demanding and draining and why the fuck should I bother. This loss of interest happened with practically all of the communities I was a part of, leaving me during the pandemic with.. well nothing. Hence the awareness and attempts to pull myself out of depression.

Now that I’m aware and actively trying to better myself, these last 7 weeks of this season? I’m waking up each Sunday actually excited to watch football again. I was at the Broncos game, am going to the Giants game next week, the 49ers game in Dec, and my season ticket family has all agreed to meet for the last game of the year against the Rams in Jan. I’m trying to be more present here, trying to be more present in football discussions online, starting to interact with more Seahawks fans online. Trying to keep interest and engagement going.

I’m saying all this in case someone who happens to read this feels the same way. For years, I did not know how to ask for help, how to express what I could see happening to me, how to even really talk about it, as a man (there’s a lot to unpack there, from society influences to the 80s/90s version of being a man to how I was raised by my Boomer Marines parents, but that’s a different TED Talk). I did not have the tools or lexicon to speak up or reach out.

If you need help, all it takes is to ask, even just one person. I know it sucks to try, it might even almost physically hurt to do it, even just an attempt. It will be worth it, because you are worth it.
ThePirateSloth

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Spur

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While I was in Dallas last week, something was mentioned about the Cowboys stadium and why it is in Arlington: The city vowed (either publicly or to Jerry) to never bring any public transit to the city and especially the stadiums.

There are no shuttle busses for park and rides, there are no bus lines going to the stadiums. You MUST pay for parking to go to a Cowboys or Rangers game (both Rangers stadiums are there too).

I mean fuck, I could go to the Seahawks game next Sunday, by getting on a train at 8am from Portland. The train station is directly in front of the stadium. I could come home THE SAME DAY on a late evening train. No need for driving, I can drink beer on the 3 train. When I lived there, my bus line picked me up 2 blocks from my place and dropped me off 2 blocks from the stadium.

Fuck, I hate the suburbs and our car dominated suburban culture.
ThePirateSloth

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Every time Brady gets sacked, it warms the cockles of my black, hate filled, heart.
BeefReeferLives

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There are 26 NFL games on between now and when the Bills play again. Devin Singletary wears 26. Singletary sounds like Tackleberry. In Police Academy, Tackleberry was played by David Graf. David Graf appeared in season 3 episode 16 of the original Quantum Leap. Josh Allen leaps players. I have no idea where I’m going with this.Go Bills and Fuck the pats.
clint greasewood

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Good morning all. As of today if all goes well Retirement<4. Worst case = Retirement<6.

I’m really hoping it’s option A.

There will be beverages consumed today.
yeah right

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Illegal headbob?
Recovery Whiskey

Is there an AVN category for that?
Horatio Cornblower

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ThePirateSloth

“Preach, brother.”

-Deanna
scotchnaut

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Today October 23rd is my birthday.

I was born in 1961.

I walked 5 miles today and felt the sun on my face and sang along with the music on my Ipod.

I am 6 foot 3 and weigh 210 pounds.

My blood levels, sugar, liver, kidneys, lipids are baseline perfect.

My cholesterol level is 129.

I am primed.

I am ready.

The state of yeah right is STRONG.

What you got world that I haven’t handled already?

BRING IT!
yeah right

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Alright, I’m home. Did Tua’s “back” flare up again?
Redshirt

It’s gonna be those voices in his back that are going to tell him to butcher his wife, daughter, and pooch about four months from now.
blaxabbath

Sinister Whisper: “Kill them all. They are holding you back. You can win another Super Bowl.”
Tua’s Brain: “‘Another’?”
Sinister Whisper: “Yeah? Is this Tom Brady’s subconscious?”
Tua’s Brain: “No, I’m Tua Tagovailoa’s subconscious.”
Sinister Whisper: “Oh, I’m so embarassed. Stay healthy and Roll Tide!”
Tua’s Brain: “No problem! Honest mistake!”
Redshirt

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Theory: The rest of the NFL owners keep Snyder around because he makes them look less evil by comparison
Doktor Zymm

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I think that roomful of monkeys with typewriters has given up on Shakespeare and turned to the much more lucrative career of naming prescription drugs
Doktor Zymm

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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