Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 11, 2022 Season

Look, not every Sunday is going to be rainbows, fireworks, and sunshine.  But hey, Week 11 still looked WAY better than the Qatar Lesser Footy squadron.

We were gypped out of Snowmaggedon 2022 in WNY, as the Bills “hosted” #ThePauls in Neutral Detroit.  Fucking boo.  The game was also liquid shit, and Brokeback is still pretty clearly not fully healthy.  But they tightened things up and pulled away in the second half, before each side making garbage score out of garbage score.  31-23, Bills Mafia, and Believeland only waits for Mr. Bad Touch playing a meaningless 5-game exhibition stretch.

Speaking of not quite right?  Strawberry Fields got hurt sometime or another, as the announcers (rightly) noted he was under orders NOT to run in the second half.  He still did lots of fancy footwork to stay alive in the pocket – but he’s just not that effective when you take away his “weapon” status.  He did avoid the turnover mojo until the final drive, when he had to press.  Younghoe from 53 yards would stand as the winning points, 27-24.  Kyle Pitts got hurt, which is just fucking great.  Y’all Cordarelle Patterson owners hopefully got credit for the kickoff return score.  It was mighty impressive.  Not impressive?  Under 300 yards combined passing.  In a DOME.

The Gospel According to Fatthew showed signs of life early, but re-juggered his head owie.  Don’t expect to see him back for awhile, if at all.  Red Rocket extends his stay of execution, tossing 3 scores despite lots of Taysom gadget looks.  27-20, Saints.  RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! can start planning for 2023.  Or blowing it all up and starting again.  NO joins ATL in trying to chase down Team MRSA for the saddest division title.

Out of that running?  The intrepid Black Panthers.  Less we say about their 13-3 loss in Charm City, the better.  A Maximum Ratbirds effort.  Burn the film.

We’ve joked about breaking up the LioUns, but that’s now THREE on the spin, after eviscerating Los Gigantes at the Meadowlands.  They shut down Saquon, forcing Dimebag to air it out.  341 yards, yes – but two pickerceptions and a 31-18 loss (which could have been worse).  4-6 headed into Bills Mafia’s Turkey Day visit.

Oh, that Cinderella story for Jeff Saturday and his 14-year old, first time playcaller.  They led the Iggles 13-3, and then 16-10 – but Jalen Hurts beat ’em with a backbreaking QB draw inside of 2:00.  Matty Ice is no longer capable of even feigning a 2-minute offense, and Philly locked down a very gutsy – if somewhat fortunate – 17-16 win.  Hey, no apologies needed for 9-1.

No apologies needed for ANY of the suddenly-measty NFC East.  Everyone’s above .500, thanks to Heinecke’s Commies successful incursion into bourgeios lands, beating the tar shit out of the 500s (23-10, thanks only to garbage time).  Heinecke is fulfilling that Glorious Five Year Plan at a truly Stakhovanite rate, and that defensing unit is legit.

Oh man, what a crash landing for Saleh’s Jets.  This game had waaaayyyyyy more sacks than points, and looked destined for a 3-3 Draw.  MILF-hunter Z is just an idiot, while The Legend of White Mac is as immobile as an Alabama judge.  But Grumblelord called timeout with 25-ish seconds left, just to force Joisey B to punt (for the 10th time, maybe 11th?).  And the P*tas ran it back for the FIRST punt return score of the 2022 season – because OF COURSE THEY DID.  10-3, home team.  What a shitshow.  14 in a row for NE in the “rivalry” series.  Fucking OUCH.

Late games!  We start with a very sad iteration of the Rikki/Hippo Derby, a fixture that my Donks hadn’t won ALL DECADE.  For AT LEAST the third game in a row, Denver led 10-zip and FUCKING LOST, neither running clock, nor getting a first down, NOR cover wide open Vegas receivers for the tying FG in regulation and the walk-in TD to win in OT.  22-16, fuck all the fuck.

Did you enjoy all the Romo/Nantz cheerleading for the Non-Gendered Cowpersons?  Shit, I am just glad I didn’t break my TV.  Tony Pollard is a game-changer, when Captain BlueBunny doesn’t force feed Glue Horse Zeke (at Jerral’s insistence, no doubt).  Like most folks, I wondered why the hell DAL were road favoUrites over the team that just beat BUF (everyone’s #1 in the power rankings) in WNY.  But…uh…Vegas always knows.  Dingleberry dingled, and the Persons rolled.  23-3 at half, and a long TD pass to Pollard on the first drive of Q3.  YIKES.  I turned the TV off after Denver finished shitting their mango hot pants, but 40-3 it stayed.

Remember that Week 1 insanity, where Joe Burrow turned the ball over like 20 times, but would have won if not for an in-game injury to the long snapper?  Good times.  But WKRP has since (mostly) fixed their shit, with the wheels falling off in Yinzburgh.  Coach Epps will still no doubt will them to 7 or 8 wins, minimum.  But it looks like this season has aged him 20 years.  Poor fucker.  Anyway, they lost 37-30, no idea what happened after 27-23 WKRP lead.  Again, the fucking all the fuck, etc.

Sunday night’s alright, if’n you like Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes!  (/hides from Rikki’s fury).  I started watching at 7-3 Clippers.  My comments shall be rather sparse.  Y’all gots Slave LaboUr World Cup to watch, anyway.  Now that my turkey coma is kicking in, I recall that this week’s “action” is NOT MANDATORY, not even until HT.  17-13, Clips lead with the ball.  Hippo, OUT!

(and congrats to whoever is the champion of Canadia)