[Interior] An office team sits about a makeshift investigatory workspace. Computers ding and static is heard in the background. A man in civilian dress tosses a manila envelope on a leaning stack and addresses the only uniformed individual in the room. A blank corkboard stands in the corner.

DETECTIVE LESTER FREEMAN: I’m reading through these files and, damn, with all this you just have to see how deep this goes, El-Tee. Some Sheriff demands justice in a state where the noose is the law and you think we’re gonna even be able to stop at front office drama?

LIEUTENANT CEDRIC DANIELS: You think I don’t know that? You think I even asked for this bullshit detail? I’m supposed to be chasing a criminal target, not playing fucking Page 6 photographer! Of course any move we make here is going to bring down the entire house of cards. And for what fine help can I count on the Baltimore Police Department to get for me locally? Bunch of humps.

FREEMAN: But tell me again now, how is it that a major case unit within the Baltimore Police Department is plucked and assigned to the middle of the got-damn desert in the middle of a Baltimore Ravens playoff hunt? I know this city doesn’t have the post-season to worry about but not all of us are so bad with our personal finances that we have to find housing in this scorpion-invested wasteland. It just makes no sense to me why we’re handling a case in Phoenix, Arizona.

DETECTIVE SHAKIMA GREGGS: It’s obvious, Lester. Get a run on this plate number and I’ll explain to you how simple this all is.

FREEMAN: You get this off the car that went from Kingbury’s?

GREGGS: The very one. Same car. Early morning after home losses. Around noon after away losses. Anyways, listen, it’s simple. Michael Sullivan was just sworn in as Chief of Police for the Phoenix Police Department. His number one concern? Seeing the department through its latest DOJ investigation. And where did now-Chief Sullivan cut his Receiving End of a DOJ Investigation teeth? That’s right. The world renowned Baltimore Police Department. He’s bringing in his own people —

DANIELS: And while we’re here to make this trash police department look halfway competent, they figure the best way to use their newfound assets was to focus on unsuccessful sports franchise owners.

DETECTIVE JAMES MCNULTY: Collusion? That’s the case? How did we get stuck with this one, Daniels?

MAJOR WILLIAM RAWLS: You’ll get stuck with whatever the fuck I tell you to get stuck with you degenerate Irish fuck. You hear me, McNulty? Now we’ve got one our own — and don’t ask me how any other city in the nation can be looking at Baltimore and think, “Well faire thee! Perhaps we should model our shining jewel in the desert after the home of the finest police department in these United States?!” — but he’s over here in charge and looking to bring in our assistance from the outside to his new case. I guess it must just be the bang up job we’ve all been doing, isn’t that right?

SERGEANT JAY LANDSMAN: Absolutely right sir. Fine policing being noticed. Real feather in the cap for the department sir.

RAWLS: Feather in the cap? Now did you all hear that? Well, I don’t know really about that because all I know if I have a city with 300 homicides a year when I get a call, “Hey Bill! Fucking Phoenix, Arizona can’t seem to run its own cases. Gonna need you to drop assets from every corner of the department to assist in some fucking wire tap case across the country.” And while I felt this was a reasonable request to decline — are you listening to me, McNulty, you drunk fucking asshole? — it seems that there are those in the Arizona government who knew that Daniels and his lovable band of disobedient crime fighters were somehow the folks for the job.

MCNULTY: Look Major I didn’t know the January 6 thing would be such a —

RAWLS: Shut the fuck up McNulty. Shut the fuck up. You’re the reason for this. I know you’re the reason. You’re the reason I’m down good detectives, good equipment, and, worst of all, down clearances in the last fucking month of the year. So fuck you, McNulty.

DANIELS: Major, we’ve had no list of reports from the local department or any sort of briefing on the case or the target. I mean, shit, we’re out here with no file, no credentials, no —

RAWLS: No shit, Lieutenant. We’re going to make the case, hand it over, and get the fuck back to Baltimore. Nothing cute. No coordination with the local blue. And before anything happens, you update me. I don’t know who the fuck knows who with this but the interest here has got legs. Don’t fuck it up and embarrass me and we’ll all wrap this up with patio homes near Uptown.

RAWLS turns and exits, LANDSMAN in tow. The detectives look at one another questioningly.

RIGGS: So what’s the crime again?

DETECTIVE ROLAND PRYZBYLEWSKI: Theft.

FREEMAN: Theft of what then?

PRYZBYLEWSKI purses his lips and looks at DANIELS, who gives a nod of assurance. PRYZBYLEWSKI sets down his own tower of folders.

PRYZBYLEWSKI: Theft of the 2022 election. Governor’s race. Also collusion of the Arizona major sports teams owners to suppress performance in the state in an effort to maintain low costs levels and increase profit margins by eliminating interleague competition between the Cardinals, Suns, Coyotes, and Diamondbacks via mutual ownership agreement to maintain irrelevant in-season performance.

MCNULTY: Collusion to suck? Are you kidding me? I’m supposed to be looking into the conspiracy behind every major sports team in a city being worse than the last?

PRYZBYLEWSKI: Well no. Kind of. I mean, we’re out here and my father-in-law is keeping us flush with resources but, well —

DANIELS: It’s the election denial money that’s funding the OT on this thing. So let’s not fuck this up.

FREEMAN: You sure you want to do this, Lieutenant? You know as well as I do that, you follow gossip, your case file becomes a gossip collection. But you start to follow the money, and you don’t know where the fuck it’s gonna take you

DANIELS: Case is what it is. Stan Valcheck wants action on this election thing, fine. Rawls wants something on these team owners; we’ll get it for him. Work the case, detectives. McNulty and Greggs, keep an eye on the movement at Cardinals Way. Let’s see if this Steve Keim illness checks out. Freeman, see about getting PC to get up on a wire. These guys don’t know we are on to them yet so let’s use this time to our advantage. Prez, grab the van and head to the airport. Rest of the team should be arriving in the next hour or so. Watch out for the suicide lanes on 7th Street in the afternoon.