INT. WALTER J. ZALEWSKI FUNERAL HOME – DAY.

A large group of people mill about the largest room in the funeral home.  As it is a funeral, the vast majority of them are dressed in black, but many of them are wearing accents of bright yellow as well.

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: It’s never easy to say this, but I don’t know if I’ve ever had a harder time saying it: we’re very sorry for your loss, ma’am.

DANA DOKMANOVICH: That’s very gracious of you to say.

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: He was my favorite Steeler, and it’s no exaggeration for me to say that nobody else was even close.

DANA: Even Heath Miller? I thought everyone loved Heath.

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: Heath once spent over three hours with one of our salesman haggling over the price of an urn for his great-aunt, so…no.

DANA: It’s very heartening to see so many people turn out to pay their respects.

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: We’ve had to turn dozens of people away at the door. Like I’ve been saying, there’s still time to charge admission.

DANA: [smiles faintly]

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: [realizing his joke has fallen flat] I apologize. I forget myself, at times.

DANA: It’s all right.  If Franco himself were here he’d certainly be trying to turn a few of these frowns upside-down.

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: He did bring joy to a great many people.

DANA: He did. And…

— [DOOR FLIES OPEN] —

MARK DAVIS: HI I’M MARK DAVIS!

DANA: Oh. Um…welcome, Mark.  I’m honored that you took the time to pay your respects.  I wasn’t aware that you and my husband were acquaintances.

MARK DAVIS: I WAS SEVENTEEN.

DANA: I beg your pardon?

MARK DAVIS: WHEN MR. O’HARRIS CAUGHT THE BALL. I WAS SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. SEVENTEEN IS MORE THAN SIXTEEN!

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: Yes, yes, we’re all aware of the results of your game against Baker Mayfield and the Rams.

MARK DAVIS glances at the FUNERAL DIRECTOR and his eyes narrow momentarily. He glances down at a name badge the man is wearing. 

MARK DAVIS: OH HI MR. EDWARD ZALEWSKI DID YOUR DADDY GIVE YOU YOUR JOB TOO?

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: Yes, Walter Zalewski was my father.

MARK DAVIS: OH GOOD IT IS NICE TO HAVE A DAD WHO GIVES YOU THINGS! WHEN YOU ARE DOING YOUR JOB DO YOU ALSO GET TO HANG OUT WITH CIRCUS ACROBATS?

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: Well, no, I…

MARK DAVIS: OH THAT’S RIGHT YOU GET TO HANG OUT WITH DEAD PEOPLE AND SAD PEOPLE ALL DAY LONG BUT I AM SURE THAT IS FUN TOO! IT IS FUN TO RUN A BUSINESS! I DID BUSINESSING SO GOOD THAT IN JUST TEN YEARS I QUINTUPLED THE VALUE OF THE ASSET PASSED ON TO ME BY MY FATHER DID YOU DO THAT TOO?

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: I…

MARK DAVIS: AND DID YOU OUTMANEUVER SHELDON ADELSON TO BUILD A STADIUM RIGHT UNDER HIS NOSE IN THE TOWN THAT HE VIRTUALLY OWNS WITHOUT LETTING HIM GET HIS HOOKS INTO YOU FOR SO MUCH AS A PENNY?

FUNERAL DIRECTOR: Um…

MARK DAVIS: AND IS YOUR FUNERAL HOME HOSTING THE SUPER BOWL OF FUNERALS THIS YEAR? NO? OKAY THAT’S TOO BAD WOULD YOU MIND IF I SPOKE TO MRS. O’HARRIS PRIVATELY FOR A MOMENT? I PROMISE YOU AND I WILL BECOME VERY GOOD FRIENDS SOME OTHER TIME.

DANA: It would be Mrs. Harris, actually, except…I kept my own surname, so it’s Mrs. Dokmanovich. But of course we can speak, please excuse us Eddie.

MARK DAVIS: YOU CAN GO SAY HI TO MY FRIEND HE IS OVER THERE EATING SHRIMP OKAY BYE BYE.

The FUNERAL DIRECTOR turns towards the buffet table where another member of the Raiders organization is standing quietly.

DEREK CARR: (glances at the camera, shrugs) I’m just here for the atmosphere.

MARK DAVIS gently grabs DANA DOKMANOVICH by the elbow and steers her to a quiet corner of the room. He dons a white Raiders cap.

MARK DAVIS: Mrs. Dokmanovich it’s been reported to me by…sources of mine that you requested a toxicology screening of Franco’s blood.

DANA: Well, yes. I don’t have any doubt that he died of natural causes but I thought it would put some minds at ease to know…

MARK DAVIS: That’s exactly why I wanted to have a word with you. The toxicology screening is going to show a positive result for a particular type of medication that Franco was not known to be prescribed at the time of his death.

DANA: I don’t understand.

MARK DAVIS: And to complicate matters, in an effort to impress everyone with his intelligence, Josh McDaniels will claim to have an understanding of pharmaceutical contraindications, and…suffice to say that without going into further details a trail of breadcrumbs will lead back to what some people could easily be persuaded to perceive as Franco’s greatest enemy: the Raiders organization. More specifically, the Davis family.

DANA: Wait. Are you saying that Franco was poisoned?

MARK DAVIS: On the contrary, Mrs. Dokmanovich. Your late husband very much died a natural death. While it’s certainly within my oeuvre to serve a fifty-years cold dish of revenge, I bore no particular grudge against your late husband nor would I stand to gain anything by his demise.  However, someone has seized upon the opportunity of this happenstance to make it appear as though I had done exactly that.

DANA: Someone is framing the Raiders for Franco’s death?

MARK DAVIS: To the best of my estimation, that is correct.

DANA: This is insane.

MARK DAVIS: Indeed, I’m not inclined to disagree. The question I’m asking myself is who would be reacting to these circumstances in such a fashion. This is far too intricately designed for a ham-fisted moron like Roger Goodell to have orchestrated. And while the conspiratorial nature of things might appeal to Pete Carroll, he’s more of an observer, an “asker of questions”.

DANA: I don’t know what to say.

MARK DAVIS: While I only have my assurances to offer, will you take my word that neither I nor anyone involved with the Raiders organization had anything to do with your husband’s death?

DANA: I…suppose so.

MARK DAVIS: In that case, you need not say anything at all. Despite his appearance, Franco was no longer a young man. And as young Derek likes to say, Death stalks us all. I’m supposing that a toxicology screening was an idea that came from your own mind, however. I don’t suppose you can enlighten me as to why you entertained such a notion?

DANA: Well, no, it wouldn’t have occurred to me in a million years! There was a man who called…an insurance adjuster, he said. He said it would greatly streamline the process if it could be ascertained that the death was of natural causes.

MARK DAVIS: And I don’t suppose your remember the name of this so-called insurance adjuster?

DANA: Meade, he said. He said his name was Randall Meade.

— [fin] —