Oh, the things we’ve learned of from Balls’s AVN posts, and the Giant Washer awards…

Welcome back to the Beat! We’re one week in and already the defending champ is 0-1. This week, the younger sibling tries to pick up the gauntlet… against the preseason #1. Also two of last year’s Giant Bolt winners square off, and so do MadCatter vs. Whiplash, which doesn’t have a good marketing thing but still sounds like a good fight.

To the fights!

SawBlaze vs. HyperShock
Well as stated, two Giant Bolt winners from last season square off. SawBlaze won the Founders’ Award, which is normally a catch-all award depending on what Greg Munson and Trey Roski deem appropriate. I believe it was sportsmanship related, as Jameson Go’s regarded as a fantastic competitor at not only the heavyweight level, but the beetleweight level as well. SawBlaze finally cracked into the semis last year before losing the rubber match (so far) against Witch Doctor. SawBlaze, along with Witch Doctor, Minotaur, and Hydra, is on that short list of favorites to become a first-time champion.

Everyone’s (read: my) favorite neon boy HyperShock had a banner year in 2021. A 2-0 fight card (because their third fight against Whiplash got shelved due to delays) gave them a top-16 seed. Then, even though the usual HyperShock bullshit led to their ouster in the first round, a strong showing in BattleBots: Champions saw them run through a Slugfest bracket and deliver their signature moment with a KO of Gigabyte before finally coming to a halt in the semifinals, losing to shopmates Witch Doctor. The Slugfest run won them Most Destructive, though, plus nabbing another Bolt in the still-untelevised 2022 re:MARS tournament. So the question is: Is this the year HyperShock stops being a predictive dark horse and actually does it?

SawBlaze picked right that HyperShock would go left, slowing the spinner down which was up to speed and caused modest sparks and a slight flat spin to SawBlaze upon attack, before causing the hammer-saw to aileron roll once.

The two bots met again, but HyperShock was unstable from just having made a u-turn to meet SawBlaze, and rolled it. And remember, they don’t have a srimech anymore, forgoing it for weapon and armor upgrades last year. (They can still drive inverted.)

But driving inverted would be difficult giving Jameson Go the opportunity needed to go to work to slowly try and corral HyperShock to the sides and corners of the arena, and right before it looked like HyperShock would bounce off a side wall and right itself, bring the arm down, hit a tire, and keep the vert inverted. HyperShock wasn’t getting the favorable bounces when it did try to ram a wall to self-right, and SawBlaze being in hot pursuit wasn’t helping. Neither was SawBlaze taking out the other front tire right off the hub.

HyperShock was barely mobile at this point, so SawBlaze went for the killshot right in the bottom plate.

This was actually a slight mistake, because the weapon was stuck in there and… couldn’t get out. Timeout was called, and the safety crew was called in to try and unstick. (The safety crew is, as always, BattleBots co-founder Trey Roski and a crowbar.)

The unstick didn’t work, and according to the post-fight videos that BattleBots occasionally do as bumpers, it took two hours and they needed to remove SawBlaze’s arm to get the weapon out. So, by rule, it goes to the judges.

Unsurprisingly, SawBlaze wins by unanimous decision, in 1:35. They get Lock-Jaw next, while HyperShock gets Whiplash in what’s now a must-win fight for them, with End Game looming after.

Emulsifier vs. Fusion
Let’s start with Fusion. Fusion would be a great pick to break the meta and make some noise in the tournament… if Reese Ewert and co. can find a way to prevent Fusion from melting every single speed controller that it comes into contact with. Seriously, like every single one. The new strategy? Using the horizontal to cool the speed controllers. That’s… clever, I like the idea. Will it work? We’ll find out!

Bots FC doesn’t just make hammer bots! (Like Shatter!, or Knock Off White.) Emulsifier is their big vertical spinner bot, helmed by Matt Bores. However, in true “fuck yo standard propulsion” form, Emulsifier is also not a standard 4-wheel drive vert, but tank tread-driven. Also, it’s the NHRL 30 lb. champion (even though this fight happened post-BattleBots filming). So, it doesn’t suck.

Although the weapon wasn’t really spinning in the opening seconds. That could be a problem. The rest of the robot did as Fusion started taking it to task, and dealing some damage to the front plow.

Every exchange was being won by Fusion, and it started getting towards the sides of Emulsifier, even just taking the second to think “which side?”. Pieces were flying, and I’m pretty sure the wheel parts of the treads were too. Emulsifier was stuck on a wall and that gave Fusion a chance to do more damage. The right side of the treads were pretty much toast. And then guess what?

Thick white smoke started to plume out of Fusion. The good news is that it was white smoke, so probably not the speed controllers! (Yay!) The bad news is that’s probably a battery (Oh.) Emulsifier could get in shots here and there, but it couldn’t really follow pursuit. Losing a tread’ll do that, and both drivers wondered if the other was about to be counted out.

In actuality, neither were and the buzzer sounded before any chance of count-out or the new unable to engage rule ended the fight. Either way, it went to the judges.

And the judges went for Fusion, the winner by unanimous decision. Hey, it lasted just long enough before the extinguishers had to come in because the robot had come aflame, and that’s all that matters! It works for dragsters!

Valkyrie vs. Mammoth
Two tourney bots from last year square off, with caveats. I mean the first caveat is “does Mammoth count?” Because it was an alternate and only got in because Glitch dropped out. But hey, count it. Mammoth remains… large. A 1-2 record last year, but that included a double KO loss to Tombstone that surprised everyone (even if part of it was because Tombstone got the weapon bolt stuck in a killsaw slot). But, Ricky Willems almost retired Mammoth after that, so we’ll see if they’ve got another magic moment in them.

Valkyrie’s got a whole new look, and that’s from the top down. Someone I believe on the subreddit said Leanne Cushing moved cross-country, but I have no way to confirm that. What I can confirm is that as a result she is not the captain this year. Instead Lucy Du, formerly of SawBlaze, and best-known for her 12-lb. NHRL 2021 champion Hot Leaf Juice (with David Jin of Ribbot), steps into the captaincy, and the driver’s seat. She’s also the only female driver of BattleBots this year. (Remember, Orion Beach drives HiJinx, Mike Gellatly drives Witch Doctor and Andrea is on the weapons, one of the Davids drives Malice, Dillon Carey drives Tantrum, Frederick Moore of Valkyrie drives Ripperoni, and Will Bales is back to driving HyperShock after Alex drove during re:MARS).

Mammoth came for the box rush, as expected, since Valkyrie’s weapon’s been known to take a while to spin up. And Mammoth was doing a good job of using its rotary lifter to push Valkyrie aside for a time. Actually, this was because Valkyrie was already stuck in one of Mammoth’s struts, which did need an unstick. But thanks to TV magic, the we didn’t need to see it, and the voiceovers were able to do what was needed for Mammoth to re-align to swat Valkyrie away.

But something had clearly happened, since Mammoth’s left drive wasn’t doing so hot. That wasn’t even the side of the strut, so who knows? Fortunately, due to Mammoth’s placement, Valkyrie had no way to outflank Mammoth, which was perfectly at the edge of the short corner. Valkyrie’s attempts to pick and pop were still being repelled, until Mammoth overbalanced somehow. It went flying back in the beginnings of a cartwheel but landed on its face, and the weapon broke. Valkyrie came in to check up and tore off the top panel, and Ricky Willems gave a “We’re dead” just in case Valkyrie came back.

Valkyrie wins by KO in 1:45.

Whiplash vs. MadCatter
Since we’re talking NHRL, let me just remind you about MadCatter’s driver Calvin Iba, now a two-time beetleweight champ. Sure, Martin Mason gets all the glamor because he’s got the best camera work in the game, but MadCatter’s definitely more than Macho Man Martin Mason. This team’s been solid for the last few years, and now it comes to taking that next step. Can MadCatter break the top 8?

Whiplash got hosed last year, I said it in the Beaties. 2-0, not able to get that third fight against HyperShock, and a win probably nets them the 2 seed. Then, both their tourney fights got highlighted, including the stick stoppage against Cobalt that saw the 2020 runner-up ousted in the round of 16. Then, they got Witch Doctor’s bracket in the Sin City Slugfest’s, winning the slugfest bracket, but losing to the gatekeeper. So in all, not the year they wanted. But importantly, the flywheel is back on the bot! And so is more of a ground game, are those piano key wedgelets and forks?

The first twenty seconds or so was just these two bots head to head and then looking for that first move. Whiplash got the first flank, a lift on MadCatter, but couldn’t get it up and over before MadCatter reset and the two clashed again. It was either a draw, or slight advantage Whiplash, which was the slight pursuer until a slight overcorrection meant that Calvin Iba was the cat to Matt Vasquez’s mouse and able to get the first notable hit that rolled Whiplash over. It was glancing and Whiplash was able to break dance themselves over, but through this whole time, MadCatter’s weapon was now up to full speed and you could hear the hum.

Whiplash went for a lift on another clash but didn’t quite get under the forks, and that gave MadCatter enough push for the reversal to nibble away. Whiplash got away to reset but MadCatter, back on the pursuit, sent Whiplash ten feet up. Whiplash self-righted but it meant MadCatter could get around and get the push on Whiplash’s back. The lifting arm provided defense, but was put back into place by either the mechanism or by MadCatter, perfect timing to hit the corner wall of the short corner.

Whiplash got sent 12 feet up, lost a piece of… something, and the chassis was warped enough that Whiplash wasn’t moving. This actually wrote off this chassis of Whiplash.

MadCatter wins by KO in 1:57. They get Riptide next. As for Whiplash, now that HyperShock tilt is a must-win for both teams.

Switchback vs. Banshee
Switchback returns, and the biggest change is that they said “fuck it” to all the different configurations of smaller disks attached to a drum base, and just decided to go eggbeater with it. So, relatively simpler. I mean, it’s still an eggbeater spinner attached to an articulated arm, that’s not exactly brutish simplicity.

Banshee is a pneumatic lifter, which means we still have one, since there’s no SubZero this year. (Lucky is an electric flipper, Blip is mechanical, and Hydra is of course hydraulic). It isn’t quite the same as Bronco or SubZero, instead being more like the British style of flipper, minus the fact it isn’t a full-body wedge.

Unfortunately this is the one fight I haven’t seen, but the gist: Banshee got a successful flip or two, but could have timed it better since the second re-righted the problems Switchback was having. Switchback did some damage to the armor and the flipper, and both bots seemed to lose power in the last 30 seconds or so. It went to the judges, who went for Switchback, the winner by unanimous decision.

They get Death Roll next, so good luck. As for Banshee, they get Valkyrie.

Big Dill vs. HiJinx
Hey, Big Dill is back! The pickle-themed clamper/lifter? Okay, so it hasn’t been the most successful bot. Really, no pure grappler bot in the field has been even modestly successful since Season… 2? I guess? With Mega Tento making the top 16? Yeah, it’s basically just Version 1 Bite Force. And Emmanuel Carrillo is aware of it because Big Dill’s got… yup, a vertical spinner configuration. It’s not the Whiplash config, where it’s spinner on the lifter, but it’s behind or parallel to the forks. Hopefully you want to get some damage points. They don’t have it for this fight, since they have a big wedge on, because…

HiJinx, as crazy as it sounds, is tied for the longest horizontal bar spinner in the tournament, with “We can’t have Deep Six, and we don’t have Tombstone, but using the power of the Polymerization card, here’s” Triton. Of course the latter’s being everyone’s big horizontal worry, while HiJinx has been a solid though not yet spectacular robot. It made the tournament last year before getting absolutely abused for three solid minutes by SawBlaze. But hey, it made the bell!

Big Dill had a bit of a box rush, but after a brief thing, went up HiJinx’s tail. But, they managed to get under and flip HiJinx, defeating the purpose of the undercutter plus turning the tail to a detriment.

But, HiJinx as an overhead spinner is dangerous. Ask Kraken. So HiJinx, undeterred, kept coming in, now striking at better angles and heights, like above Big Dill’s lifter motor. This killed both weapons, turning this into a pushing match.

HiJinx tried to find a way to flip back over for the aforementioned pushing match and did so, using the screws. Meanwhile, it ended up being unnecessary. Big Dill spat a lick of flame and had stopped moving.

HiJinx by KO in 1:52. They’ll get Captain Shrederator next, while Big Dill gets Skorpios.

Main Event: End Game vs. Blip
I feel like there’s not much introduction needed for these two, but just in case: Blip is the now-sophomore little brother robot to defending champion Tantrum. Both were helmed by Aren Hill, currently serving as captain for Blip. The flywheel flipper managed to make it to the quarterfinals before losing the flip-off against Hydra.

End Game needs even less introduction. 2020’s champion, 2021’s #1 seed and Golden Bolt winner, WCVII’s preseason #1. As one of my favorite sources, the HyperShock blog, said, “End Game is almost the new Bite Force.” And considering the last two Bite Force-less seasons, they’ve certainly moved into the power vacuum.

Meanwhile, piano keys are the next meta. Piano keys for everyone! Though as opposed to Blip just getting the keys, End Game gets piano keys plus forks on the outside and the inside. Just in case. (The forks are the offensive ones.)

Blip didn’t rush, instead trying to bait End Game to get the angle. It didn’t work though, as End Game took some keys off Blip. So Aren Hill went for the pin. You can pin up to 10 seconds and it gave Blip (and probably him) time to regroup. It was a good idea, but Blip went back up and over thanks to End Game’s weapon. End Game worked the underside of Blip until the flipper used the pulverizer to give it time and space to get back upright.

Or, enough time for End Game to angle it up and send Blip through the air for a (count the rotations) 5 1/2, with a half-twist, but Blip self-righted and it seemed like the weapon had locked up on End Game. This, in addition to still counting as damage for Blip, could have been a fight-changer.

But Jack Barker kept End Game’s front in front of Blip, and with almost all the keys gone on the flipper’s front, End Game was winning the ground game as the two bots jostled for position. Blip looked for an angle but there wasn’t one, denied time and time again as it went to the judges. Let’s go to Judge Senor.

Damage: The weapon locking up is damage for Blip, but the wedge getting chewed up was also important. (And Nick Mabey thinks it was a piano key from Blip that got in there.) So, 3-2 End Game? Everything else was pretty okay, and Blip’s wedge was shot and that does count as weapon functionality, since the wedge is important for the flipping.

Aggression: Blip tried hard. I guess you could go 2-1 Blip for the effort, but that’s pretty much a toss-up.

Control: Great driving by Jack Barker—Blip couldn’t do anything, and the self-righter on End Game still has never been used in a fight. 3-0.

So I have it 7-4 End Game, and regardless, End Game wins by unanimous decision. Props to Aren Hill and Seems Reasonable, as both bots have gone the distance, but absolute master class by Jack Barker. Blip didn’t have a chance to get anything going.

End Game gets Ripperoni next, while Blip gets HUGE. That is not a good matchup for the flipper, save borrowing Jake Ewert’s bike rack.

Speaking of, Hydra’s in the main event for the next week, against Rotator. See how things line up nicely? We also get Cobalt vs. Death Roll and Bloodsport vs. Copperhead, so those are exciting. Also we get to see “Deep Six but horizontal” Triton taking on Lucky, and Skorpios vs. Jackpot. Come on, that’s five fights to say are really intriguing. That’s worth something.

Anyway, see you next week.