Monday Morning Mock Draft: Let’s Highbrow This Shit

God, this offseason just will not end.  I cannot wait for Hippo Thoughts to move in here every Monday through the off-season, and not just because it’s always funny, to the extent I understand any of it.

Disturbingly, I am getting to the point that I understand most of it.  Probably not a good sign.

Anyway, the point is that

coming up with a topic for a draft every week.  I mean, it’s not coal mining or anything, but for a dainty-ass lawyer-type like myself, all this typing is giving me calluses on my fingertips, and the thinkin’ part is giving me debilitating headaches, the same kid my clientele usually doles out in low-speed accidents.

Last week we went full-on lowbrow, essentially drafting women with nice asses, with the occasional pork butt thrown in.  This week we’re doing a quick 180 and going highbrow:

Works of Art.

That’s right, is it’s a painting, or a sculpture, it is eligible for this week’s draft.  Yes, there are other forms of art, but I might need them for next offseason so don’t give me any shit, OK?  AND DO NOT DRAFT EMILY RATA..RAJA…RAKA

LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, OK!?  JUST DON’T.  I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND SO FAST!!!

-ahem-

/assumes docent’s voice

With the first pick, I shall select Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’

I love this painting.  It’s just so cool.  I had a joke in here about how that girl should have taken one for the team and married Van Gogh so he wouldn’t cut off his ear and eventually kill himself, but apparently there wasn’t a girl involved, it was an incident over a possible debt and Vincent being generally, I believe the correct term here is ‘fucking batshit crazy,’ and the confusion stems from him later having the ear packaged up and sent to a brothel.

As one does.

On that happy note, the draft is open.  The rules are noted above.  Your commissioner is Vincent Van Gogh, of course.

Go ahead, piss him off.  He’s got a razor blade and he’s already down one ear.  He’s got nothing to lose.

The first pick is already made.  The rest of you are on the clock.  All artwork in the post is available, including the featured image, except Starry Night.

 

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Keeping the Chicago and Spain only thing going, I guess, I’ll close out with Dali’s the Persistence of Memory

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Last edited 1 year ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The lack of naked ladies is what caused this Dali painting to slide into such a late slot.

BeefReeferLives

Saved the best for last:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

When I saw this in person, it left a huge impression. El Entierro del Conde de Orgaz by El Greco

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Last edited 1 year ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Sharkbait

The Mondrian below reminded me of this. Another favorite. Broadway boogie woogie

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Kehinde Wiley’s portrait of President Obama. It’s awesome and can be an immediate litmus test for guests.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s a great pick. I saw it in person and was pleasantly surprised by how arresting it was.

BugEyedBoo

Mark Rothko Paint-By Numbers Kit
(RIP Doghouse Reilly)

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scotchnaut

Piet Mondrian was the first and best.

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Brick Meathook

Ernst Haas

La Suerte de Capa, Pamplona, Spain 1956

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Brick Meathook

Route 66, Albuquerque, New Mexico 1969

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Brick Meathook

Reflection, Revolving Door, NY 1975

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Brick Meathook

W. Eugene Smith

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Sharkbait

Last(ish) pick, The Kramer

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Game Time Decision

The George one on the red couch makes me laugh

Sharkbait

All this draft is doing is confirming what a bunch of high class reprobates we are. We may make dick jokes, but they’re high brow dick jokes.

BeefReeferLives

“He’s bad, but he’ll die. So, I like it”

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait

The Scream by Munch.

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I love this for the surrealism, inner pain expressed by the main image, as well as the fact that the Krakatoa eruption was so severe it discolored the sky as far away as Norway leading to the inspiration of this work.

SonOfSpam

Last pick, I’ll take Vermeer because giving a girl a pearl earring is a much more difficult feat than the more commonplace necklace.

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ballsofsteelandfury
SonOfSpam

Neato – thanks for posting!

LemonJello

Pick the Fourth: Vigo the Carpathian

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BugEyedBoo

Wiki says it’s a response to Titian’s Venus of Urbino.



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ballsofsteelandfury

Love the inclusion of the black cat

Fronkenshteen

1,2,3,4…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5. A personal favorite of mine, Seascape by Gerhard Richter.

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ballsofsteelandfury

For Horatio:

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scotchnaut

Magritte caught hell for this-the actual title is The Treachery of Images.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wish I’d remembered to pick this

SonOfSpam

“Naked Chick On A Clam” is solid late round value

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TheRevanchist

That’s almost as good as my first pick, The Gummy Di Milo.

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SonOfSpam

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SonOfSpam

so why can’t we edit comments any more? Did Elon buy DFO?

2Pack

My 6th round and final selection… Frank…

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Gumbygirl

Jeff Koons, for this insane sculpture of Michael Jackson and Bubbles

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SonOfSpam

The chimp wouldn’t hold still that long, so they had a small boy sit on his lap all day.

(nawt true far as i know)

scotchnaut

“It’s just a lovely flower!” Yeah right, Georgia. [rolls eyes]

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Gumbygirl

Gumby chooses Bob Ross and his happy little trees

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BeefReeferLives

MC Escher’s studies in perspective still fascinate me..

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scotchnaut

Canadian content time! Alex Coville was amazing.

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