Request Line: Hair Care

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER sits comfortably at the sound board, setting things up for the upcoming show.  DJ 3000 remains up against the wall, performing a deep memory scan.  The PRODUCER finishes making some adjustments to the sliders, then taps on the glass of the recording booth to get the occupant’s attention.

HOST: [looks up from some notes he’s reading]

PRODUCER: [punches the “talkback” button] I’m all set out here, are you comfortable in there?

HOST: Yup, feeling pretty good.

PRODUCER: No questions or anything?

HOST: Nah, I’m solid.

PRODUCER: Fantastic. We’ve got five minutes until we go to air, so…

DJ 3000: [emits loud chiming noise]

Both the HOST and the PRODUCER glance over at him.

DJ 3000: MEMORY SCAN COMPLETE.

PRODUCER: Oh, perfect timing.  Wow, that was really convenient that it took almost exactly a whole week to complete the scan and you finished with just the right amount of time to help introduce this week’s show. What did you find?

DJ 3000: NO ERRORS DETECTED.

PRODUCER: Wait, really?

DJ 3000: YEAH, EVERYTHING APPEARS TO BE FINE.

PRODUCER: Does my hair still look different?

DJ 3000: AFFIRMATIVE.

PRODUCER: Huh. Well for what it’s worth that actually gave me an idea for this week’s show.

DJ 3000: THAT’S NICE.  WERE YOU ABLE TO GET AN APPROPRIATE GUEST LINED UP? WE’VE BEEN PRETTY LAX IN THAT REGARD LATELY.

PRODUCER: Yeah he’s in the booth.

DJ 3000 slides away from the wall to an angle where he can see inside the recoding booth. 

DJ 3000: OH, HEY POLLY.

TROY POLAMALU: What did you just call me?

DJ 3000: UM…POLLY.  SHORT FOR POLAMALU. I THOUGHT THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE CALLS YOU.

TROY POLAMALU: No, everyone doesn’t call me “Polly”.

DJ 3000: OH, JUST YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS? SORRY ABOUT THAT.

TROY POLAMALU: My friends don’t call me “Polly”, nobody calls me fucking “Polly”…

The PRODUCER’s hand hovers above the “dump button”, then is removed as he realizes they aren’t on the air just yet.

DJ 3000: I SEE THAT YOU SHAVED OFF YOUR GOATEE AND GOT RID OF THE PINK DREADS, I LIKE YOUR NEW LOOK.

TROY POLAMALU: Goatee? Pink Dreads? [to PRODUCER] What the hell is that vending-machine-looking motherfucker talking about?

PRODUCER: I have absolutely no idea. DJ 3000, maybe you need to redo that scan and check your A.I. module’s training set, you didn’t accidentally scrape all your NFL knowledge from one of those idiotic NFL dick joke blogs, did you?

DJ 3000: YOU TELL ME, WAS DEREK “HORSE BALLS” ANDERSON A THREE-TIME SUPERBOWL-WINNING MVP FOR THE BROWNS?

PRODUCER: He most certainly was not.

DJ 3000: PHEW.

TROY POLAMALU: [laughing] Derek Anderson a three-time MVP?

PRODUCER: Was that some kind of trick question?

DJ 3000: HA HA, OF COURSE IT WAS, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT H.B.A. GOT ROBBED FOR THE THIRD MVP WHEN THEY GAVE IT TO DONTE STALLWORTH AS A P.R. STUNT AFTER HE RESCUED PRESIDENT GORE’S DAUGHTER FROM THOSE ICELANDIC TERRORISTS…

TROY POLAMALU: President Gore?

PRODUCER: And Donte Stallworth? The guy who ran over a pedestrian and pled guilty to DUI manslaughter?

TROY POLAMALU: And since when has Iceland been producing terrorists?

DJ 3000: [pauses] UM…MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULD BE RUNNING MEMORY SCANS.

PRODUCER: [glances at clock] Listen we’ve got to get the show started, let’s sort this out off-air. Troy, can you get us rolling?

TROY POLAMALU nods and watches alertly as the PRODUCER counts it off.

TROY POLAMALU: Hi folks! I’m Troy Polamalu and I’m here to help out with with week’s edition of Request Line.  This week the topic is “hair” – we’re looking for songs that have anything to do with hair.  I’ll get us started with one from Broken Social Scene.

Today’s theme is “hair”.  We’re looking for any and all songs about hair – including colors, products, hairstyles, lack thereof, etc.  It might be a thin topic so band names are okay if you’re finding yourself bereft of ideas.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?TT5BTTB and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  BeefRiverLives hit the ground running this season, solving last week’s puzzle right out of the gate with the answer of “If I Had a Rocket Launcher”.