A Football Story For The Galaxy

For the last decade I’ve been wanting to write a novel that takes place in the stars that make up Orion’s Belt. It started because I used to look for the constellation at night as a way to enjoy nostalgic memories and wonder if there were people there staring at some constellation I might be standing in, looking my direction with nostalgic feelings, too. I never knew what kind of story I wanted to tell though, so last spring I finally decided to try writing a football story set there.

I wanted the setting to matter, so the concept is this: planets don’t have a constant communication stream. Interplanetary communication bridges are way too expensive to be offered as a year round service. But these people all love football, and football is so incredibly profitable, that during football season it is feasible for companies to open channels for broadcast, and piggyback on them to send civilian network traffic planet to planet. This is sort of like how we piggybacked on satellite communication to send text messages in the 90s.

With this concept at its core, a human story could develop between characters on different planets while football news and games serve as the big story and establish the pacing. Then, as the season draws to a close, the super bowl and inevitable shutoff of communication serves as a suitable ending.

Of course, I had to start writing the opening broadcast as a sort of RedZone show. Heres what I wrote before walking away from the concept and leaving it to gather dust with all my other brain dumps.

Season 349 of Your Interplanetary Football League Kicks Off Tonight!

Welcome back, football fans! From Mintaka 1, I’m your host Albin Auric and this is your opening broadcast of Belt Weekly Sports for the 349th season of Interplanetary Football. We welcome back our listeners from the Alnilum, Alnitak, and Rigel systems – it’s great to have you with us for another season of football. From all of us across the Belt who wait each offseason to reconnect with fellow fans in our sister systems via this temporary broadcast window, we are grateful to hear and be heard with you once again.

The offseason was surely full of unexpected twists and turns for each organization, and while we wait to hear the news from our neighbor stars, we have this update to report: the Mintaka Miners have announced their starting quarterback after a fierce preseason battle for the position. Veteran QB Nil Gabis has been benched in favor of the second year talent, Dwery Crask. Miners fans were eager to see Crask start toward the end of last season, and the former 1st round draft choice will get his chance on the road opening night against Rigel 5’s Rockhoppers. Will that famous Rock Rush defense prove too much for the young QB in his debut? We’ll find out tonight!

Another key matchup this weekend: The Alnitak 3 Voyagers play the Alnitak 2 Stellae. These tidally locked planets have a fierce rivalry, and after a 4th quarter missed holding call stole victory from the Stellae and awarded home field advantage for this season’s first matchup to the Voyagers, you can be certain that Coach Fr!p3#_Bv and the Stellae will be out for revenge. Not that we expect it to change the outcome much; with the loss of both their star running backs to seed shift at the end of last season, the Stellae will have to rely on their less than…stellar…passing game to stand a chance at victory.

REWORK THIS TO BE A SCRIPT OF THE BROADCAST

My final note there was that this could work better as a script than a novel. I’ve gone back and forth about it. I wrote a number of plays in college and could probably put together something decent, but it doesn’t align with the vision I had for the setting. That’s partly why this never went anywhere. Regardless, I hope that snippet was interesting and if I’m lucky I might get the creative juice to flesh this out more.

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Alex_Demote
Game designer, junk collector, paint chip taste tester
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SonOfSpam

Just saw that North Face (outdoor clothing/backpack company) is offering customers a 20% coupon if they take an online (quick I would imagine) DEI course.

Right wing idiots are reacting very reasonably!

WCS

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I really can’t figure out why conservatives hate Dale Earnhardt Inc. all of sudden.

SonOfSpam

Yeah he even rebelled against the track in his last race and turned right

ThePirateSloth

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Sharkbait

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WCS

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WCS

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WCS

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WCS

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SonOfSpam

Stephen Root contains multitudes.

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King Hippo

It seems Brighton is paying tribute to the traveling support (who were stabbed pre-match) by playing dead.

Sharkbait

Accurate

Fronkenshteen

Please, Qarabağ, KEEP ATTACKING even though you have a lead. This is wonderful.

BeefReeferLives

“Qarabağ” should deffo be the name of the dominant edge rusher for the Rigel 5 Rockhoppers…

WCS

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Gumbygirl

They don’t play no stinking prevent on Rigel 5!

Fronkenshteen

Dammit!! So close!!

Senor Weaselo

My favorite team in the Azeri league!

/Until they free Artsakh of course

WCS

Nagorno-Karabakh

Sharkbait

Woooo mid-day Euro footy

King Hippo

tell your Trashbirds to DUE BETTER

Sharkbait

Got the trash part right

Brick Meathook

Grocery store parking lot, Arlington VA, just now.

“The [*Redacted] s Minister’s Fan Van (Praise Jesus)”

That building in the back is FDIC headquarters. When I was a kid it was a shopping center.

https://ibb.co/80btxv9
https://ibb.co/S6SwyS8
https://ibb.co/nzSVWCX
https://ibb.co/z8kD65D

SonOfSpam

I feel like a kid would be strangely safe in that thing.

LemonJello

Except for the whole “Becoming a Commanders Fan” aspect, sure.

Doktor Zymm

Gonna be hard to find space for whoever they draft, lol

Gumbygirl

The 17 is Doug Williams, the 44 is John Riggins and… Barack Obama!

Doktor Zymm

Just noticed there’s a few random musicians in the mix there too

2Pack

This is good Alex. You could round it out to full feature length easy Buddy.

I just finished a conference in this dump.

4 hour train ride home beggining now.

IMG_20240307_175404.jpg
2Pack

After spending the whole day with a bunch of leaf eaters I now get to sit across from some dude who smells like an ashtray. On the plus side the lady next to me is attractive.

Sharkbait

Is there a bar car? Re-locate there

SonOfSpam

Eternal advice

2Pack

Fuckin Hipster dude has been chewing his nails, now just picked his nose and ate a booger. I am no longer suited to be surrounded by the general public. Mass transit is fugly people.

SonOfSpam

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2Pack

We should not have let the masks offa some of these people.

2Pack

Good booger eater is getting off in Florence.

SonOfSpam

Gonna wipe some on the Uffizi walls

2Pack

Not a bar car. More of a Cafe that is stand up only.
The Cutie next to me is making things bearable. She likes my tie.

Game Time Decision

You should sit in the quiet car.
-P King

2Pack

Yeah some great ideas end up too complicated.

Game Time Decision

I’d read the fuck out of this

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man Hunter Renfrow is gonna have a field day with some of the technical issues with this setup…

(he can’t help it, he’s a hard sci-fi guy)

Coach Fr!p3#_Bv

But I’m pretty psyched to see that one of Elon Musk’s descendants got into coaching.

Doktor Zymm

I like it! Now that I think about it, it’s pretty rare for sports to show up in Sci Fi, although it’s pretty certain that sports will exist in the future, even if we’re all Futurama-style heads in jars.

And of course Nil was benched, who wants a QB whose name is a synonym for zero?

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, how much coke does Albin Auric do?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love that name, it’s very HG2G.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

ballsofsteelandfury

So what you’re saying is that Roger Goodell supplants Gary Bettman as inter-galactic disgrace?

WCS

Roger Goodell supplants Gary Bettman as inter-galactic disgrace?

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