KBF 24 and Sunday night open thread.

Ever pee yourself?

I have, and?

I wasn’t even drunk.

There are two kinds of people in the world, First there are riders.Those who can’t wait to quench their beastly lust for steely dangerous speed and second, those who look into the sky and say, there is no way that you could force me onto the hideousness of one of those evil alloy contraptions!

ME? I’M A RIDER!

Since the first time I saw one rise out of the morning fog I knew that I was going to spend my life seeking out that particular thrill again and again. I see one, I’m going to ride it!

Sadly, body today requires Ibuprofen and Dramamine but god damn it I’m still jumping on even at my very tenderized age.

The words “Want to ride a roller coaster?” floated through the air recently.

What would you do?

A RIGHT BRAIN DINGER IT IS

Roller coasters?

Who? Me?

Why are you not afraid?

Who says I’m not?

Old? Check.

Fat? Check.

You are going to have a brain aneurysm and die!

“Oh don’t listen to those pussies”, the voices in my head sing.

There’s a machine that promises to take my heart and pride?

You know I’m jumping on and riding it all the way to the beyond of everything.

You and I, we can do this, take my hand and I’ll show you how.

Now where are my (passed right threw security with them flippers in pocket I did) edibles?

Oh there they are, let’s get to rolling shall we?

Come on, I mean who doesn’t love Boysenberries?

What are they again?

So many Boysenberry treats to be had, think the “Barforama” scene from the Stephen King story “The Body”

THIS IS GOING TO BE A WEIRD DAY!

Real old world charm, just gaze upon all the antiquity about.

RISING LIKE MEDUSA FROM THE MISTY DEPTHS

yu shur b dum.

No “GhostRider” for my fat ass, can’t handle the battering on the old rib tips.

This is how you start any fun filled day.

Come on hop in. It’s called “Silver Bullet” and it will alter your current life course, promise.

Stumbling drunkenly (without nary a drink) down stairs that lead to nowhere, feeling much different than I did when I got on.

Why are my feet hot?

Well that was, what?

Fun?

Let’s wander that way towards a varying destiny.

I will say the sky was kind with its colors throughout the day.

Showing off the mad photo skills.

Soon, Darkness, soon.

SHOT OF THE DAY?

Slowly we walk to our next torment (you can see the track in the background) machine but first perhaps a break to consume some lunch to launch.

First known shot of what would become “Plumbers Crevice”

Hey, is that a hand reaching out of that meat box?

“Darn Tootin”

Oh Come on, really?

This is where we got on the “Calico Mine Ride”

What?

I felt like some nostalgia. This ride and the “Timber Mountain Log Ride (closed, under refurb) were here when I first walked these magic sidewalks for the first time way back in 1970.

A giant stone cock to appease the savage white history

Here is where our very own, “Gumbygirl”

won the Kewpie Doll for best guess.

Father has returned from the fiery depths for the blasphemy and of course, he just loves the Boysenberry Cobbler. All Hail!

Sometimes the dRugs SpEak

That there is a damn devil baby don’t even try to deny that you see the invidious thing.

The enchantment never ends but perhaps some food before the next coaster, eat now? So exciting.

I know just what to have:

Boysenberry BBQ meatballs on a bowl of mac and cheese with a slice of cornbread and a tasty Diet Soda to wash down the future girth.

A girl has got to eat.

After all it is

OKAY, YOU’RE RIGHT, SHOT OF THE DAY

Dear Jesus we have to save her!

Can’t process some images

That (the only photo I did not take, thanks J2) there?

Why that is a french toast cheeseburger with fries and Boysenberry syrup. No, I mean it.

One word review? Astonishing!

One of the kids did not get what they wanted to eat so we had to stop at yet another stand and try some even more decadent “Boysenberry” food, this time it’s to be chicken wings, cool.

Thank God one of the nieces said I’ll need a moment before the next ride to process some of this face stuffing that just happened.

Too many Boysenberry shakes?

NEXT UP?

I told you I’m a fan and this one is an all time favorite.

That beast there? Why that’s Xcelerator of course.

Deadest of the Gods is that for real?

You can feel it vibrate through the very ground

Just don’t! It’s only your bravado, walk away, no shame bro.

FEAR IS BEAUTIFUL

As I exit must hold on to the the vibrating handrail for liquid support.

I am forced to traverse even more downward stairs as you have to go down to go up in this stunning place.

This is where time started running backwards as the THC had taken control of my giggle box and I must now hover beyond my limits.

When suddenly the foxes attacked. From all sides the varmints came just looking to steal all of the Boysenberry pies, the very radiance changed from serene to vile, the earth screeched and then groaned. I did not know how to save us, so I went completely insane instead.

This was kind of cute earlier but getting a little creepy now.

You know suddenly I need an alcoholic beverage.

THE CHOO CHOO IS BETWEEN ME AND MY BEER

Yes that is a Boysenberry lager

One word review? Shitty.

Here to ride some coasters remember?

Next up “Pony Express” Such a fun ride.

MENACING METAL PONIES AWAIT

And down the stretch

They come

Special fancy trick photography there

Made my head leak, try to avoid if you can.

The reason we traversed both history and resplendent suffering was for this adjustment.

A state of the art coaster to add to the repertoire.

The new way, It’s called “HANG TIME”

Lord she sure looks cantankerous

IT FEELS LIKE FALLING

My hands shook, my eyes wept, my life seeped from my left ear, I’m in heaven was last thought.

I DIED ONLY TO BE REBORN IN DEATH.

FEEL IT?

You can never trust the night.

AND THIS IS HOW IT HAS TO END

If you’ve been, I hope I did it justice, if you haven’t?

I hope I stimulated your fragile dreams enough to say “Hey that looks like a place that I simply must see”

Still can’t believe in less than two months I will be 64 gosh darn years old. Yet, I drank crappy IPA’s. Then ate BBQ meatballs followed (don’t forget the 40 milligram “Fireball” gummy) immediately by a world class coaster? Without a single drop of vomitus ejecting from any open source?

You explain it, clearly I’m still alive.

But how?

DJ Lard April 2024