Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone [in bed].
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Shoulda asked about anal.
-Balls, probably
No golf for me this past weekend, had a buncha chorin to get done as I missed some of it last weekend doing other things. And then it rained so then had to cut the grass, as it looked like a hay field out back.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I would watch this movie
Doktor Zymm
Evening folks
2Pack
Found a funny:
There is literally no news story that I would not believe about RFK Jr.
“RFK Jr. pushed a woman out of a hot air balloon.” Sounds plausible.
“RFK Jr. traveled to Madagascar searching for the penguins from the Dreamworks movie.” Could see it.
“RFK Jr. attacked a horse with a mallet.” Of course.
rockingdog
“RFK Jr. took a gap year before college so he could backpack around England in the hopes of finding Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory so he could eat a Oompa Loompa alive.”
Redshirt
RFK jr. once believed that water polo was played with horses wearing scuba gear
Brocky
Please join my Zoom tonight: “Bitchy schizoaffectives for Harris”
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
[grudgingly reaches into his pockets for toonies]
scotchnaut
This is some good, wholesome, VP material
Doktor Zymm
Looks like a big cuck to me.
blaxabbath
The Right is trying out “Tampon Tim” because he (I mean not personally) put tampon machines in public school bathrooms.
That, uh, isn’t really the burn you guys think it is.
But yes, he cares, what a pussy.
SonOfSpam
“Ha ha, he probably had sex with a woman who was on her period! That’s got to be the least virile thing I’ve ever heard of!” – supporters of a guy who hasn’t slept in the same room as his wife for at least fifteen years
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I like to think that even in the excellent scenario where JD Vance disappears from the public eye we will continue to make the occasional joke about his last words being “I’m just gonna check the sofa for loose change”
Doktor Zymm
He has both cats, for the childless cat ladies and gentlemen, and dogs that he doesn’t murder, for the non-psychopathic dog people
Doktor Zymm
“Ok, but what about bears?” — RFK Jr.
Dunstan
BugEyedBoo
Apparently while I was at work today, a spider built a pretty impressive web just under my dining room light. I almost hate to ruin it, that fucker put in more work than I did today.
Dunstan
To be fair, you only have two legs. The spider has eight. Cut yourself some slack
Sharkbait
state fair season!
i posted an instagram link of caitlin clark milking a goat at the indiana state fair on the wnba’s reddit sub and they removed it because:
“Please ensure your post is on topic as well as up to a standard quality to produce a unique positive discussion, then repost.”
whats more “unique…positive” (not to mention wholesome) than this, fuckin lowtax wannabees?
fleshwound_NPG
Tim Walz from the top rope.
Sharkbait
Someone on social media just described JD Vance as “if a roofie could wear a skin suit.”
Horatio Cornblower
J.D. Vance: “Sir, this ‘Spaghetti Against The Wall’ approach at hurting the candidates isn’t working!”
Trump: [looking around frantically] “What other pastas do we have?”
Vance: “Macaroni, sir.”
Trump: “Macaroni? That’ll never stick against the wall. It’s too thick and there’s not enough surface area!”
Vance: “It’s all we’ve got left, sir.”
Trump: “GODDAMN IT! Bring in the macaroni reserves!”
/this absurd scenario has been brought to you by my good friends at “Day Drinking”
scotchnaut
Found a funny re “Tampon Tim” which is the GOP’s new attempt at a nickname for Walz because his admin provided free sanitary products in schools:
Definitely sounds like something 90s high school kids call the popular dude. “That’s Tampon Tim. He’s been in all the girls.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Tampon Tim gonna stop the red wave
Doktor Zymm
And at the moment JD Vance gazed into Tim Walz’s eyes, saying, “Your Midwestern high school football coach charm has made me respect you and be turned on.”
At that moment the debate grew silent and Walz replied, “I think need to make public degeneracy great again,” and they awkwardly kissed.
“I bet Kamala couldn’t kiss like that,” Vance hissed.
“I bet you can’t fuck me into oblivion like your La-Z-Boy,” Walz challenged.
It was at this moment that Buddy realized maybe vice president fan fiction can be his side hustle and sent copies to both candidates. The FBI made an excursion to my house and said the VPs each found them disturbing only because it didn’t end with one of them blowing the other.
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
My favorite part of this AI art masterpiece is the fact that the computer just KNEW to use a Mets player without being prompted.
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
BugEyedBoo
Thanks for all the recs for olympics yesterday, I wanted to get Peacock from the beginning but Mrs bogdanski has a different policy on streaming services than I do and I lost
Bogdanski
I have been outvoted 1-1 many times in my house.
SonOfSpam
One more couchfucker joke, because I fucking love them. Today I heard someone refer to Vance as a “Bassett Hound”
Gumbygirl
Only one? These jokes will never get worn out. Unlike the sides of JD Vance’s couch cushions.
Sharkbait
A while back I saw someone reference Threads (Facebook’s twitter clone) and someone else asked “what’s Threads” and the someone else said “What’s left of a couch after JD Vance is done with it.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Lea Thompson rules.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Just finished an interview that I think went pretty well? Not a final round, and they mentioned ‘next steps’ at the end so that’s usually a good sign. Anyway, gonna be optimistic for now.
Doktor Zymm
Hahahaha. Fuck me. Made some enchiladas for dinner tonite. Had two bites.
Then I somehow had the plate too close to the edge of the table. Had to spend the next half hour changing clothes and cleaning the carpet. So I’m giving up on today and hopefully I can correctly fall on my bed. Then I’ll tackle tomorrow with some more Vodka when I wake up.
Mr. Ayo
That’s a hard situation.
Sorry about the enchiladas.
Condolences.
Condolences.
yeah right
Since I live in an apartment without aircon, I keep my bedroom window open in the summer. It faces onto the apartment complex parking lot and I am frequently treated to snatches of conversation as people walk by, including this gem heard upon waking from a nap from what sounded like a 8 or 9 year old boy talking to his similarly aged brother or friend:
“i take my two fingers and put them up someone’s ass and it feels good and then I lick them”
I think Balls might have a kid!
Doktor Zymm
Hey, Mr. Ayo – join Spam, Hippo, Scotchy, AND NEWBIES Blax and DonT! Math is Hard keeper auction league. We have 11, you would close the circle at 12 $150 entry fee, I will refund half if you do not enjoy the experience. Think of all the Freezer Vodka!\
I won’t even call yew Bastard Man * no MOAR!!!
*this aspect of offer is a complete lie
King Hippo
Listen here. You assholes already roped me into writing a weekly blog even though I despise writing. Now you’re trying to rope me into a 2nd fantasy league, and pay for it, when I fucking hate fantasy football already.
Anyway, I scored 720 on the math portion of my SAT, so I’m in.
Mr. Ayo
Found a funny:
If someone makes “tampon Tim: stopping the red wave” t-shirts, that’s probably another million dollars in fundraising for the campaign
rockingdog
This is going to sound weird for the non bakers in the crowd but I wish every one of you could see my sponge right now.
We gonna muffin up this bitch!
yeah right
So the Algerian boxer lady (that right wing assholes were calling a man) won the gold, and announced her intention to look into lawsuits against internet people. That would rule.
SonOfSpam
I just want to put this out there: I’m stoopid in love with a princess.
I always have been with her, from the minute I saw her I was smitten. She played hard to get for years, we went separate paths, and somehow found our way back to each other. Now, we have an incredible son together.
I’ve had a strange few years, but genuine thanks for everyone here for keeping my morale up during some tough times. Love yinz too, but not that kind.
Alright, enough sappy shit…
WCS
I hope you guys in the Northeast don’t get shafted by the remains of Debby.
BugEyedBoo
Those look great, but I will stick to purchasing them. Anything in the dumpling family is more work than my cooking tolerance.
No idea if it’s still there, but College Park, MD had a place with amazing samosas. Huge, cheap, and delicious it was basically an entire meal for around $4
Doktor Zymm
Went to the Dodger game today, took the shuttle from Union Station and realized the last time I was at Union Station was to meet some strange imaginary internet people for a pub crawl.
Dunstan
Flag football in the 2028 Olympics? What’s next? Dodgeball? Tag? Kickball?
LemonJello
I would 100% watch Red Rover in the Olympics. It’s super dangerous when played by anyone over the age of 10
Doktor Zymm
I really, really want a player to actually be honest when asked “How do you feel about x who is now one of your coaches this year?” to actually say “I hate that motherfucker, he is a backstabbing cancer so malignant it needs to be excised from the very fabric or reality! I mean, yeah, fuck that guy!”
ArmedandHammered
Rams have a player named Yeast. Who will be the first to tell him to Rise up!?
ArmedandHammered
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Missed this in the morning, but reading it now and it is excellent as always!
The couch thing has made it into Ashley Furniture’s wikipedia entry and it is glorious
I feel bad that I’m hardly ever here early enough to comment on these posts, GTD. Gumby and I have been night owls lately. But I always read them, and appreciate them!
No worries, I look at posts as somewhere to comment, some times the comments are related to the post, others not at all. And today Redshirt was a much more interesting post than this one
That Don’t Tread on Me riff is fucking magical.