Hey y’all, welcome back! It’s already week nine and things are just rolling along fine. The Steelers and Niners are on bye so there’s a fair number of games to get to.
To The Games!
Cowboys/Falcons:
Zeke isn’t with the team because of some unspecified disciplinary thingy. Now who the hell is going to provide the 3.1 ypc firepower that he brings to the team? It feels like Dallas is on the verge of imploding but they have far too much talent to do that. And then you remember Jerry’s positive karma-less aura is even more powerful than Tomlin’s juju.
Saints/Panthers:
I almost overlooked this game-skipped right over it, I did. There’s all of three wins combined among them and a second year QB fighting for his job. Ugh.
Fins/Bills:
It’s only week 9 but Buffalo already has a four game lead in the division. Miami is not helping themselves by blowing 10 point leads in each of the last two games. Mostert must finally be feeling his (advanced) rb age-his ypc average has dipped to 3.5 and it’s never been below 4.8.
Raiders/Bengals:
Tight end Bower leads everyone in yards and catches and if he sees this through he’ll be the first rookie to do it since Shockey in 2002. Higgins won’t be playing and apparently won’t be traded either. This is the sort of dumb soap opera that the folks in Cincy deserve.
Chargers/Browns:
Will we get more good Jameis before the inevitable INT’s start piling up? LA players describe DC Jesse Minter’s new concepts as much ‘simpler’ and you can’t make fun of that given that they only give up an average of 13 points per game.
Pats/Titans:
Maye has passed through the various stages of the concussion protocol just in time to play today. Funny, that. His progress as a player is about the only thing interesting about this tilt unless you’re Don T and want to check out UDFA Julius Chestnutt.
Commies/Giants:
ESPN has floated the notion that some players that think they’re going to be traded have sent out feelers towards Washington. That would be tampering wouldn’t it? Them Commies have but three sacks on the year but not for long-they should double that total today.
Broncos/Ravens:
A rookie QB and a PFF-ranked #3 D has Denver over .500 for the first time since…? I don’t know when. Still, it’s a big ask to beat Baltimore at home and good franchises like the latter don’t lose two straight that often.
Have at it!
I think the Bengals finally broke Joe Burrow. I’ve never seen a man with a thousand yard stare after throwing for 5 TDs.
DRAKE MAYE YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD
And he threw it to Rhamondre, bless him!
Fish Man Good
I haven’t seen the Commies this confident since they recruited Kim Philby in the late ’30’s!
The Sex Drake tribute band
if lamb is chopped the cowpersons might as well go full tank
Dave Canales , you magnificent bastard, I read your book! WOOO BOOY IM mAD a HeLl.
/Giants go for 2
//Jones stares down his first read who is covered
///he runs across the pocket, not knowing what to do
////is sacked
Defense: “Probably going to be another WR Screen to Chase.”
Commentators: “Probably going to be another WR Screen to Chase.”
Fans: “Probably going to be another WR Screen to Chase.”
Zac Taylor: “Let’s do a WR Screen to Chase. They’ll never see it coming!”
Pat Tits color commentator sounds drowsy, not that I blame him
He should get in touch with Chris Berman. A couple of deux deux deuxs should wake him right up!
Maxx Crosby Rule: Roughing the Passer will not be called if the defender apologizes and hugs the Quarterback.
Begin the Cooper Rush Experience!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-swU2c1xyw
Lord Forbid we see what Trey Lance can do. A running QB might be good thing
Just need 4 TDs and 3 2-pointers! Its still good. It’s still good!
Rasul Douglas jumping over Tua to save him from himself
Rico Dowdle is Tito Puente’s lovechild-you can’t convince me otherwise.
Broncos haven’t bee this exposed since the OJ Simpson chase
been
on vacation for election week. the last time i did this was 2008
so if the thing happens again, you’re welcome
(2008 was a good year to hide from the racist coworker discourse, and even tho now it is a lot of younger less-racist coworkers i work with one seemed okay with rfk jr…so still a good week to bail)
taking the day after election off to recover from hangover and avoid getting mad at any post day gloating.
I stayed up until like 4a to see North Cakalaky called for BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA and it was glorious. I hope for a scenario that at least rhymes Tuesday night.
Las Vegas Raiders are on their last offensive lineman.
the Al Davis dream
though for a minute I thought Richie Incognito was back in the league
1) I see that I am talking to myself
2) I hope Lamar! and el Tractorcito at least bought us dinner first
The Pills Have Ears
Is it just me, or has Brokeback made the same leap that Lamar! did last year (where they gain consistency and field vision to become transcendent)?
OH GOOD DRAKE LONDON IS DED THAT WON’T CRIPPLE GRIMACE TOUCHED MY BUTTHOLE OR ANYTHING
That’s Horatio’s COWPERSONS!
PNWCON IS ON
DFO PNW Mini Squad assembled. Drinks are dranking.
Chuh chuh
we look forward to y’all’s full report. Double-spaced not REQUIRED but we will judge you otherwise
The Pirate Sloth has his poetry on. We demand the report be in iambic pentameter! Or at least, limerick form.