It’s the final weekend of CFL action. I’ll miss Canadian football greatly when it’s done, of course – but I have so much to do between now and May 2025 that I feel like I’m barely going to have time to catch my breath. At least my report cards were done this year before the deadline of this article. I’ll take the small solaces where I can find them.
In league news this week:
- With QB Sex Pest Chad Kelly now done for the season due to a broken leg in the East Final, the Toronto Argonauts have brought back QB Bryan Scott to serve as the team’s third-stringer for the Grey Cup game. Scott has bounced around the NFL and CFL for a while now, but perhaps that veteran presence is enough reassurance to the team in light of a championship coming up soon.
- Calgary has been awarded the 113th Grey Cup game which is scheduled for the end of the 2026 regular season. Despite McMahon Stadium being the second-oldest – and arguably the worst – stadium in the league – the game returns to Cowtown for the first time since 2019. With the stadium crumbling, it’s quite likely this will be the final championship game played at McMahon; owned by the University of Calgary, it was opened in 1960 and lacks key amenities such as suites, seat backs, and accessible entrances in many locations. Talks will begin anew for a new facility; with the NHL Flames now building a new arena to replace the similarly aging Saddledome, the writing is on the wall for the need for an outdoor venue suitable for football, soccer, and other events. The questions, as always, largely hinge on location and taxpayer contribution – two things that have been the bane of Calgary residents for decades now.
- The Ottawa REDBLACKS have parted ways with DC Barron Miles after two seasons with the team. While the REDBLACKS’ D did have to deal with a rash of injuries this year, particularly in the linebacking corps, the secondary looked significantly overmatched as the year went on, and the DBs were routinely getting burned by big plays, especially in the East semifinal. There’s no word yet on who will be his replacement – but despite the fact that Ottawa did takes massive steps forward this year with a 9-8-1 record, their defence is a big reason as to why there’s still a notable gap between them and teams like Montreal and Toronto right now in the East Division.
Onto the games!
DIVISION FINAL RECAPS
EAST DIVISION FINAL
(2) Toronto 30 vs. (1) Montreal 28: This was a wild one. The Argos defence came out swinging and forced four fumbles and two interceptions (including a pick-six) on the favoured Alouettes, upsetting the league’s top-ranked team and earning their second trip to a Grey Cup in three years. Janarion Grant scored a huge 71-yard return TD, and Toronto managed to hang on after starting QB Sex Pest Chad Kelly had his lower leg broken after getting landed on by Als DE Isaac Adeyemi-Berglund, which has ended his 2024 season. Not great signs for their chances to win this week now that their starting QB is done, but perhaps, if karma is actually a thing that exists, that that outcome is a little bit of redistribution in light of his previous offences mentioned often earlier this season.
PICK: Toronto
RESULT: Toronto
WEST DIVISION FINAL
(2) Saskatchewan 22 vs. (1) Winnipeg 38: It was pretty much the perfect game from the Bombers’ offence. Zach Collaros threw four touchdowns (three of them to WR Kenny Lawler) and league-leading rusher Brady Oliveira had 119 yards and a rushing TD on 20 carries, and Winnipeg is now off to their fifth – yes, fifth!! – straight Grey Cup game. Aside from an early rush TD by RB AJ Ouellette, Saskatchewan’s offence was routinely shut down by Winnipeg’s strong D, who forced three turnovers on downs in this game while also keeping Trevor Harris from throwing a pass TDs until very late in the fourth quarter. While it was a significant improvement this year for Saskatchewan, it always stings to lose a key playoff matchup to a hated division rival – and now the conversation about 38-year-old Trevor Harris’ future as Saskatchewan’s QB1 can begin… and last for the next several months on Regina sports talk radio.
PICK: Winnipeg
RESULT: Winnipeg
111th GREY CUP PREVIEW
BC PLACE, VANCOUVER, BC
(2E) Toronto (13-7) ) vs. (1W) Winnipeg (12-7), Sunday, November 17th, 6:00 PM EST (CTV, TSN, CBSSN, CFL+): It’s a rematch of the 109th Grey Cup that happened two years ago in Regina; the Blue Bombers were heavily favoured for that one and were upset by a remarkably persistent Argos team, with LB Henoc Muamba winning the game’s MVP award and QB Sex Pest Chad Kelly coming off the bench to set up the game-winning drive late in the fourth quarter. Two years on and the core of both of these teams is still here. Once again, Winnipeg is heavily favoured; not only because their offence looked absolutely rock-solid last week, but also due to the fact that the Argos will have to start Nick Arbuckle at quarterback now that Sex Pest Chad Kelly is done for the year following surgery on his broken leg from last week. If Toronto’s going to secure another upset victory, they’re going to need to lean on some basic, simple football; feeding RB Ka’Deem Carey is a great way to game plan on offence, while the D will again need to be opportunistic just as they were against Montreal. Winnipeg’s defence is pretty good at stopping the run, while the offence, particularly the pass game, looked the best it’s been all season last week against the Roughriders. Five straight Grey Cup appearances is a very impressive feat – but fans are going to be clamouring for a victory, considering how the Bombers have choked in each of their last two games.
PICK: Winnipeg
Enjoy the game, everyone.
Next to me today on Culver Blvd:
https://ibb.co/1bNZB1j
RFK is Secretary of Health and Human Services. Would it be wrong for me to co-op the mantra “my body, my choice” in regards to his proposed changes to vaccines and healthcare?
No word on if his Brain Worm has accepted an Undersecretary position.
Can’t wait to have to run across the border to Mexico to get a fucking flu shot. Oh, and shingles isn’t that far off, too. I don’t even want to think about the future of the HPV vaccine.
I am not kidding about this I think I might talk to my doctor about getting the shingles vaccine early.
Based on everything around me, all you snowbirds are back on. And I know how you poor folks who keep two households are always complaining about how hard it is to live in two different states, fleeing the hot/cold extremes the rest of us have to deal with in our putrid existence.
That’s why I found you this deal. Book Today!
My phone has quite cruelly decided to remind me that just about a year ago, I was in Hawaii, and just how awesome it was. For shits, I have some flight alerts up for the weeks of school vacations, and you’d be surprised that it is significantly cheaper to fly direct from Boston to Honolulu than it is from Boston to St. Martin
Make that trip this winter! It would be foolish to miss the opportunity.
I would certainly love to make the trip. Waiting to see how finances get allocated for home projects and a potential Mrs. Sharkbait Sabbatical trip in August
Bigger airport served by many more airlines
Let me set the scene, a cold rainy day in Raleigh NC. Cold for us at 45 F, pouring rain, just pouring. I am on the porch under my blankets, snug and warm. Then the eternal optimist shows up and attempts to blow the leaves in my neighbors yard using a backpack leaf blower. His boss must really, really suck. He tries for about 20 noisy, noisy minutes. Gives up, packs up, and drives away.
Hold my beer
-LemonJello, firing up his newly repaired mower, and revving the engine
The pouring rain will put out the fires!
Surely the new wiring is waterproof!
Me, with the repaired mower, dramatic re-creation:
Oh my God.
https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
A silver lining amongst all the recent dark clouds.
Fun fake news buys sad fake news
Oh wow, it actually happened? I hope they gradually redirect the psychotic obsessions of the listeners towards something relatively harmless to everyone else, like an imaginary lost city of gold located in the middle of the Sahara desert.
This makes me happy. I love The Onion!
[also loves onions, in breaded/deep fried/ring form] – Coach Reid
Apparently the Sandy Hook families took less money from the bankruptcy sale to make sure that The Onion got Infowars.
So there’s got to be something absolutely batshit planned for Infowars, and I can’t wait.
In the preview you say Winnipeg v Montreal… which gave me hope after last weeks results. But alas… if was all just a typo. No repeat. And how can I volunteer to comfort those poor cheerleaders? There must be something I can do.
Good eye on the typo. Have fixed that. No need to fix the cheerleaders though. They’re made in God’s image.
A cheerleader is a terrible thing to waste.
Oh forget it.
This seems the most Chicago thing to me, or at least mid-western.
https://www.mlbshop.com/chicago-cubs/chicago-cubs-recliner-protector/t-25773100+p-6912378713286+z-9-2061384508?_ref=p-SFLP:m-GRID:i-r7c2:po-23
Recliner protector? For sports fans who routinely, um…leak?
Bearsenschiesse can happen anywhere, at any time.
So their fat asses don’t grow to the recliner, probably also protects the leather from the corrosive malort/sauerkraut farts.
Also keeps crumbs, snack cakes, and bratwursts from falling between the arms and the cushions.
Another use could be to keep the users fat folds from the friction burns when reclining and the flab has fallen between the arms and the cushion.
“Are they available in XXXXXL?” – Colts fans
In Wisconsin it catches stray blobs of cheese dip
I have a Steelers one, if anyone wants it. I’m getting rid of the recliner.
Good write up and analysis, but there’s one glaring omission: WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN FOR THE MAPLE LEAFS PLAYOFF CHANCES?
“Sex Pest” seems like a fun nickname
Canadian DeShaun Watson
Actually I think the imminent Candian government is going to make it into a cabinet position. Minister of Sexual Pestery or somesuch.
That’s a much better job for Gaetz