Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 14, 2024 Season

I hope everyone enjoyed their December FITBAW.  I ended up sleeping a lot, so mind the gaps (PHRASING).

Almost all of the quality early came from the AFC East.  Q-aron finally had a throwback statistical performance, leading his charges to 23-15 and 26-23 Q4 leads that his defense could not, would not hold.  Tua also went for 300+, and had the temerity to win the Extra Time coin flip and lead the LOLfins to an easy TD drive.  Miami hangs on, 32-26.  Q-aron has a sad.

Did Hippo REALLY start both of Braelon Allen and Isaiah Davis, and live to tell the tale?  Fuck and YES!

Dingleberry’s revenge was kind of messy.  Like his “footwork” and quartered backing in 2024.  Two more pickerceptions for the pile, and I think that’s his 4th start in a row with ZERO tuddies.  Yikes.  Touch of Downs, on the other hand, rewarded his real life and fantasy supporters – with FIVE scoring tosses (4 after Hippo fell asleep), 3 to Addison, 2 to JJ.  Minny rolls, 42-21.

Did Hippo REALLY also have both Addison and JJ starting?  Chuh and CHUH!!

The Legend of White Mac led his charges into Nashville for the Bataan Death March of football contests.  After three quarters of play, the home side led….6-0.  NO, this was not a weather game, this is just the best these shitmonkeys can do.  Somehow, Duuuuuvvvvaaalllll managed 10 Q4 points for the 10-6 road win.  Fuck if I know what happened, and nobody really cares (sorry, DonT – you need that good draft pick anyway).

Apparently the Saints blocked a placement kick at the death, thwarting a furious Horse Cock Lock (who was 0-for-8 when I nodded off) comeback.  To no avail, Saints win 14-11.  And Emo Carr seemingly broke his hand.  They should sure be a fun December watch (sorry, Mister Pickle).

Tomlin Voodoo keeps on rolling, as his defensing unit baited out “Bad Jameis” again and again.  PIT gets its vengeance for the snow TNF loss, by a 27-14 final.  What I saw was boring, but Coach Epps surely said we DO NOT care.

The continued, random breakout of Sincere McCormick (what a name!) was not enough for Vegas, losers by a 28-13 count in Tampa.  MRSA Men killed Rod Favra again, so the Desmond Ridder experience it is for the Raiders, going forward.  Oy.

Wee Bryce almost led the Black Panthers back for a super-unlikely road win in Philly.  But he didn’t.  That dude who apparently placed a record $3M+ moneyline bet on Philly no doubt shit his pants – and more than once.  But he collects his $450K(ish) anyway.  Fucking rich cocksuckers.  Oh, Philly’s final margin is 22-16.  Black Panther rookie RB Jonathan Brooks is ded again, poor bastard.

Bananacakes aplenty for the RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! faithful, and they even saw their homies limp across the line with a 44-42 win.  Good on OKC Bomber for NOT taking a FG on their last real drive, going for it on 4th successfully not once but TWICE (inside FG range).  Brokeback was on fire, and a 41-35 lead would have elicited joy and hearty laughter from the Bills Mafia sideline.  But he coached the game he had, knowing he’d need that two score margin.  Which was, indeed, sufficient (after the onsides recovery).

Tomsulas kicked the shit out of Chi****, 38-13.  Pyhrrically lost a THIRD running back to injury, though (Guerrero foot sprain, those are never good).  Bearistocrats! will hope to re-tool their act over the offseason, but 2024 has just been more sucking and fucking (ever since DC).

SeaTruthers continue their baffling, winning ways, putting the last shovel of dirt on Xbox Jr. and the 2024 Qards.  30-18, Seattle wins in the desert.  I noticed absolutely nothing here.

I did not watch SNF, but since I was awake (thanks, nap!) I will at least briefly summarize.  The stupid Chefs won, because the stupid Chefs ALWAYS win.  This is how the AFC West “race” ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.  I think Al Davis originally said that.  There was a little drama late, waiting to see if it would be a TD or a FG at the death.  FG won, 19-17.