INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

Once again, all the lights are…wait, it turns out the lights are actually on this week.  Though, as usual, it remains completely silent.  DJ 3000′ boots up…

…to see Hunter Renfrow relaxing in the couch, with a textbook in his lap.

DJ 3000′: GREETINGS.

HUNTER RENFROW: [glancing up from his textbook] Oh, hey.

DJ 3000′: GETTING SOME “STUDYING” DONE, HUH?

HUNTER RENFROW: Actually, yes.

DJ 3000′: WHAT ARE YOU HIDING IN THERE THIS WEEK? THE LATEST X-MEN COMIC? A WARHAMMER 40K STRATEGY SHEET?

HUNTER RENFROW: If you can believe it, I’m studying for real today. Finals are coming up.

HUNTER RENFROW holds up the textbook; nothing slides out. 

DJ 3000′: APOLOGIES FOR DISRUPTING YOUR DILIGENCE, BUT WE’VE GOT A SHOW TO DO.

HUNTER RENFROW: That’s fine, I could use a break.

HUNTER RENFROW hops up from the couch and heads over to the soundboard.  After a few moments of fussing with the dials and sliders, he glances over at DJ 3000′ with a frown.  A mild buzzing sound begins to grow in the studio

HUNTER RENFROW: Are you…seeing these artifacts in the 315 Hz band?

DJ 3000′: YEAH, I…

A second tone is added to the buzzing noise, which begins to start resolving into a recognizable melody. Meanwhile, the lights on DJ 3000”s console begin flickering chaotically.

DJ 3000′: OH, I KNOW WHAT THIS IS. HEY! YOU! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CIRCUITS!

A shower of sparks jumps from DJ 3000′, followed by an electrical arc to one of the office computers.  The monitor on the computer turns on, and the image on the screen starts off as white noise, but gradually resolves to show…

–

–

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Gentlemen.

HUNTER RENFROW: Oh wow, Jim Irsay?

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: In the flesh.

DJ 3000′: ABOUT THAT…

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Oh, right.  Yeah, it’s me.

HUNTER RENFROW: It’s such an honor to meet you, Mr. Irsay. I’m Hunter Renfrow.

HUNTER RENFROW stands and extends a hand as if to offer a handshake, then realizes his error and withdraws it self-consciously.  He settles on an awkward bow.

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Oh, I know who you are.

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: That’s all in the past, though.  Call me Jim.

DJ 3000′: WELCOME TO THE KDFO STUDIO, JIM.  WHAT BRINGS YOU TO OUR LITTLE CORNER OF THE MUSIC WORLD?

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Well, I’m on the waiting list for Rock and Roll Heaven, so I figured I’d cool my heels back on Earth for a bit and listen to some tunes.

HUNTER RENFROW: Well you definitely came to the right place. So there’s really an afterlife?

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Looks that way.

HUNTER RENFROW: Are there more than just the one?

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Yeah, there’s a whole bunch.  Elysium, the Happy Hunting Grounds, Pie Heaven…that one might be a trick, though.

HUNTER RENFROW: And you get to choose which one you want?

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: More or less.  I think my reputation must have preceded me because when the avatar of St. Peter started reading off my options he got to Rock and Roll Heaven and stopped and asked if he should bother with the rest of the list and I said “no”.  Most folks get to choose, though I will say I have seen a few Muslim dudes get gently steered away from the prospect of spending eternity surrounded by virgins.

DJ 3000′: YEAH IF THEY WANTED TO DO THAT THEY COULD JUST SHOW UP AT AN A/V CLUB MEETING.

HUNTER RENFROW: [indignantly] Hey!

DJ 3000′: OH, I’M JUST TEASING YOU, PAL.  WE’LL TALK MORE ABOUT THAT WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.

HUNTER RENFROW: So right now are you in, like, Purgatory?  Does everybody have to wait?

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: No, not everybody.  I heard that Pope Francis breezed right through.  And Bernard Kerik wasn’t here for more than a hot minute either, though he didn’t look too happy about the prospect of moving on.

DJ 3000′: YEAH I DON’T THINK THOSE GUYS WERE HEADED THE SAME PLACE.

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Damned if I know.  Other than believing in a higher power, I’m not much of a theologist.

HUNTER RENFROW: [glances at DJ 3000′] Is there an afterlife for Artificial Intelligences too?

A “Not a Theologist” sign appears on the monitor showing JIM IRSAY, which he reaches up and taps.

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: What did I just say.

DJ 3000′: NOT TO CUT THINGS SHORT MR. IRSAY BUT WE’VE GOT AN EDITION OF REQUEST LINE THAT WE’VE GOT TO RUN. BY A HAPPY COINCIDENCE, OUR TOPIC THIS WEEK IS THE AFC SOUTH.

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: So…?

HUNTER RENFROW: We’re looking for songs about the teams in the division, or their host cities, or prominent players from those teams.

DJ 3000′: WANT TO GET US STARTED?

GHOST OF JIM IRSAY: Sure! How about a little tribute to former Texans quarterback Sage Rosenfels? Give me some LITTLE FEAT on two!

Today’s theme is the AFC South.  We’re looking for songs about the Indianapolis Colts, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars, and Tennessee Titans.  Please post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?6e0rg3_bLU7h” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer of “Kiss From a Rose” was requested by BFC but went unclaimed until BeefRiverLives swooped in and snagged it.  Let’s give a warm welcome to the Ghost of Jim Irsay and get this show rolling!