Request Line: A Prom to Die For – Part 2 (The Bechdel Test)

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

All the lights are…actually, most of the lights are out.  A single spotlight is pointed at a disco ball on the ceiling, the reflections from which faintly illuminate DJ 3000′ as it boots up…

…to an empty studio.  As we watch, DJ 3000”s console flashes the text "TCP-IP connection request sent..." shortly followed by "TCP-IP connection secured...receiving data..." before cutting to display the image of a punchbowl on a table in a high school gymnasium.  A timecode is displayed in the upper right hand corner, suggesting that the video feed comes from some sort of security camera. 

As the timestamp on the upper right hand corner counts upwards, an adult woman steps into the frame and pours herself a glass of punch. 

She sips it pensively as she watches the students dancing. A young woman joins her at the table and helps herself to a glass of punch as well.

RACHEL DUNBARTON: Hey.

LADYREF: [brightens] Oh, hi Rachel! How are you? I love your outfit tonight!

RACHEL: Thank you! I, um, love yours too.

LADYREF: [laughs] You don’t have to sugarcoat things, I know how silly we look.  But I’m actually glad they made these uniforms mandatory; it makes it a lot easier to act as an authority figure when you’re dressed for the part.  Mrs. Galecki told me you were doing a bioinformatics internship – how’s that going?

RACHEL: Really good! We’re looking at the relationship between salinity levels and brine shrimp populations, and how they change over time.

LADYREF: That’s great! [wrinkles her nose] I hope those coastal marshes aren’t too stinky.

RACHEL: It’s not so bad – we have automated monitors that do most of the sampling.  I actually spend more of my time writing code in Matlab.  It’s a pretty good introduction to differential equations.

LADYREF: Well I’m looking forward to seeing you in AP Calculus this year, I…

Another student approaches…

LADYREF: Miss Martinez, lovely of you to join us.

ANGIE MARTINEZ: Hi Ms. Thomas. Hi Rachel.

RACHEL: Hi Angie. You look incredible.

ANGIE: Thanks.  So do you.  Listen, I wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry that…

RACHEL: [holds up a hand] Let’s…not talk about that now.  Let’s just enjoy a drama-free prom for as long as it lasts.

ANGIE: [smiles] Works for me.

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): Look at us ladies, passing the Bechdel Test!

ANGIE: The Bechdel Test?

RACHEL: It’s this thing where a movie has to have at least one conversation between two or more women…

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): …who all have names…

RACHEL: …and they talk about something other than a man, or their relationship with a man, or some other woman’s relationship to a man.

ANGIE: Oh.

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): And it has to last at least a minute.

RACHEL: Have we made it a whole minute?

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): I’m pretty sure we have.

RACHEL: But how can we be sure? It’s not like we’ve got a running clock…

The timestamp on the top of the screen conspicuously ticks over to 20:36:00 as we watch.

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): I’m sure it’s been more than that.

ANGIE: Mrs. Thompson, I love your outfit.

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): Ha! You’re gonna shine me on, too? I feel ridiculous in this getup but Rachel and I were just talking about how it’s probably easier for me to be a good chaperone with it on; I don’t think the kids would listen to me if I were wearing my Kate Spade tunic dress.

ANGIE: Oh my God, have you seen the collaboration she did with Target? It’s really cute.

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): That’s where I got my tunic dress, so cute.

RACHEL: I want to see it, I bet it’s cute!

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): You’d love it, it’s the cutest.

ANGIE: So about this Bechdel test thing…

RACHEL: It’s from back when most TV and movie writers were men.  So they had absolutely no idea what women talk about when they’re not around.

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): They still don’t, really. They automatically assume we all just talk about men.

RACHEL: And if not that, things like makeup and fashion and such.

ANGIE: I wonder if that’s true for music as well.

RACHEL: That’s a good question.  Let’s imagine someone was hosting a radio show where people requested songs, like Hun…I mean, my non-gender-specific friend does.  What songs would pass the Bechdel test?

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): Well they would have to be sung by a woman, obviously.

RACHEL: And couldn’t be about a man, or the singer’s relationship to a man or men in general.

ANGIE: Bonus points for multiple women singing?

RACHEL: Sure!

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): I’ve got one!

CUT TO: DJ 3000”s console as it flashes the text "Awaiting request..." followed a cut back to the security camera feed. 

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS): And it’s actually prom-appropriate!  Have you girls heard of a little band called “The Bangles”?

— [ten minutes and a few songs later] —

CUT TO: Security camera in hallway outside of staff lounge. 

LADYREF (aka MS. THOMAS) crosses into frame, readies her key to unlock the staff lounge door but pauses as she realizes that it’s already unlocked, then pulls the door open and steps inside. There is a flurry of motion and the door slams shut.  A few moments later, a pool of blood begins seeping out from underneath.  As we watch, a series of letters is drawn onto the glass insert in the door that when finished reads…

Today’s theme is “The Bechdel Test”.  We’re looking for songs sung by women about anything other than a presumed relationship with a man. Please post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu!ng65/uu!Nd and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer of “I Turn My Camera On” by Spoon was solved by SonOfSpam, with BeefRiverLives also submitting an equally valid answer of “All the Negatives Have Been Destroyed”.  Sing on, sisters! Keep doing it for yourselves!