Sharkbaits Cocktail of the Week: Hakam The System

Speaking of Tawny Kitaen, do I get her in my dreams? No, I get stuff like this. I had to write this down when I woke up.

I dreamt that I was at Aldi. My wife had to run home with the car for some reason so I did the shopping. I had finished shopping and ran into a couple we knew, but not anyone we really knew, like it is in dreams. So they offered to run me home, and I let them even though the missus was already on her way to get me.

So the lady was driving and her husband was going on about this double-barreled shotgun he had in his hands. He was unloading it and showing off the shells and going on about how lethal these 00 buckshot shells he had were, blah blah blah. I’m going, “Uh huh,” and texting to my wife that I’m stuck in a car with a lunatic, because while he’s talking about the shotgun he’s waving it around in the car and pointing it out the passenger-side window. 

Now we’re on the north side of I-270, which is not on the way to where we live but we do in this dream I guess. And we ran over these two little Asian girls that were running the wrong way right down the middle of our lane on the interstate! The lady driving didn’t even touch the brakes, just flattened those girls. *bump bump* That got lady driver’s attention, and we were all suitably freaked out. We stopped and backed up. And hit them again. I think one girl was still moving, but not after that. Thanks for that imagery, brain. Appreciate it.

So we get pulled over and I wander off a little ways and start trying to call 911. But my phone is doing crazy shit and dialing the suicide hotline, 311 info, anything but 911. I finally get it dialed and it starts ringing. After about 20 rings it gets picked up by some guy who obviously was not a normal dispatcher. I tell him where we’re at on the interstate, on mile marker 250 (which is not a real I-270 mile marker, IRL they run from 0 to 53 I think).

So I text my wife about this, and tell her we’re on the north side of I-270, over by Dublin, and walk back to where we had stopped. Now there was a crowd gathered at the scene and an EMT squad ambulance (that was fast!) hauling the lady driver away. In shock I guess. The girls’ parents were there, distraught. And my wife was there too (also fast!) and she had a cookie pan full of rice crispy treats, that had already been about 1/3 eaten by the bystanders.

Then I woke up, WTF that was about, I don’t know. The shotgun was from some Quora shit I read last night, but the rest was straight out of nowhere. Maybe it was that boring ass NYJ-NE game. No horny dreams for me I guess. I’d even settle for one of my old standbys where I’m in college and am going to a final, but don’t remember where the classroom is.