A Preview of Sorts: The Warshington Commies

I’m nawt super optimistic about this season, which is fine, NFC East fans shouldn’t ever be optimistic.  It’s only been three years since they threw off the yoke of oppressive and incompetent ownership – it took Josh Harris’s ownership group longer than that to rebuild the 76ers and it wasn’t nearly as gutted, plus there are far fewer people who get injured far less often on basketball teams.  So yeah, worst O-line in the league, a secondary that’s been a secondary consideration, a front seven that should hopefully improve with 1st round draft pick Sonny Styles, a boatload of receivers (THIS WASHINGTON WR ROOM I CALL IT THE CENTRAL TELEGRAPH OFFICE BECAUSE IT’S FULL OF RECEIVERS THAT ARE MOSTLY OBSOLETE)

….what else?

Oh, they aren’t the oldest team in the league anymore, they’re now the 4th oldest with an average age a full 106 days younger than the Steelers!  They still have probably the best blocking tight end in the league, and they have a rookie RB named Kaytron, which sounds like a name from a 70s sci-fi movie so maybe he’s from space!

Which do you think is a better military history metaphor for Laremy Tunsil’s tricep injury?  Even if Tunsil wasn’t out for the season the O-line wouldn’t be great, but it would probably be something like 25th instead of 32nd so I’m thinking one of these:

A) Belgian Neutrality – The Maginot line did not extend fully along the French/Belgian border as was originally planned because Belgium declared neutrality in 1936 and prevented the French from building that portion of the line.  Of course, even had that section of the line been built, the Nazis still would have invaded through the Ardennes, but it might have slowed them down a wee smidge?

B) Wu Sangui – In 1644 Wu was in command (he was a Commander!) of the Shanghai pass, a major fortification in the Great Wall of China that guarded the path between Manchuria (where the Manchus were invading from) and Beijing.  Some guy named Li Zicheng had led a rebel army into Beijing and captured Wu’s family while also claiming Beijing for the Shun dynasty (there’s a reason you’ve never heard of them, they were a dynasty for about as long as the Bills were a dynasty).  In response Wu basically said “sod this for a game of soldiers, I’m out” and let the Manchus in to go kick some rebel butt.  The Manchus won and became the Qing dynasty.  The Ming dynasty wasn’t in good shape, and they likely wouldn’t have been able to maintain the Great Wall in any sort of shape to keep the Manchus out for long, but Wu definitely sped things along.

There were only 3 Cornerbacks on the first version of Washington’s 53-man roster, so I was going to talk about triangles, but after putting a few people on IR they did add a fourth CB.  There are lots of quadrilaterals, with the rhombus obviously being the best one.  There are also a few lackluster tourist destinations named Four Corners.  Most people know about the one in the US where Colorado, Utah, New Mexico, and Arizona meet, but there is also one in Canada where Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut meet!  There is a neighborhood in Maryland where I went to high school called Four Corners, there is a good Italian deli there called Santucci’s – I wonder if any of the Commie’s Four Corners enjoy Italian sandwiches?  Probably all of them.

Draftkings (NO KINGS!!) has their line at 7.5 wins.  Looking at their schedule I’ll give them 6 – the NFC East plays the NFC West this season so that’s pretty rough, they’re 29th in strength of schedule just after the Cowpersons.  Would be very happy to be proven wrong, but I’ll settle for Jayden Daniels learning how not to get hurt