Monday Morning Mock Draft: Mother’s Day Edition

Once again I find myself remembering that Monday comes after Sunday and that Monday means mock drafts, but I only remember after 11 when I’m trying for once to get to bed at a reasonable hour because some idiot, (me), scheduled three depositions for Monday.

I will not be around much tomorrow, ( see “depositions, three” above), but I did have an idea that is either going to work really well or collapse with a thud.  We, or more likely you, will find out soon.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and I trust that you all had a good time either actually with, or speaking with, or reminiscing about your own mothers, no doubt all of whom are saintly creatures who couldn’t be prouder about the amount of time their son and/or daughter spends on a football and dick-joke blog when they really should be working.  The talk of the Mom’s neighborhood, I’m sure.

Well fuck that.  We’re not talking about saintly creatures today.  Today we draft mothers you would not want as your own.  Rules are simple:  Any mother is eligible, fact or fiction, human or otherwise.  Criteria is only:  Is it a mother?  Is it a really awful mother?  if you can answer ‘yes’ to both of these questions, you can draft that mother.

Also you can’t draft your own mother.  Save that for your therapist.

/door files open

grumblegrumbleI’lldraftyourmothergrumblegrumble

/slams door shut

Not that kind of draft, Bill, and anyway you’d just trade down and take a lineman from Alabama that Nick Saban told you was awesome.  Now git!

Anywhoo, with the first pick I’ll take our featured image up there, Joan Crawford of ‘Mommie Dearest’ fame.  Jesus that picture is terrifying.  No carnations for you, Joanie.

The rest of you are on the clock.  In my likely absence for most of the day I hereby delegate commissionership duties to Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, mostly because I like the way he gets drunk with power.