Oh, it was a rainy Sunday on the East Coast, including at the HippoLair.  I tried to nap, truly.  As with most things in life, I failed spectacualrly.

Still, one quartered back overcame the early window elements to go over 300 yards in a dominant win.  Of course, that man is MILF-Hunter Z, as everyone predicted.  CJ Stroud, adding injury to insult – gets a garbage time head owie, which is probably the death knell for their season.  Nico Collins also got ded (the Niners would be a’ight, see late window coverage below), so that’s one banged-up offense leaving the Meadowlands.  30-6, and only because the Jest didn’t need any MOAR.

This fixture was nil-nil at the half, first such NFL game in 4 years.

You might have heard how much Baby Buster dislikes playing out of doors.  He certainly added to that narrative yesterday, as the Bearistocrats! continue their strange dominance over modern Detroit.  Strawberry Fields was cool and in control this week, so Chi**** is back to not knowing if they need to draft a QB or not.  Kill shot was a 4th and 13 dart to DJ Moore (Fields also got DET to jump offside, otherwise they probably don’t even snap it.  28-13, again the Bears coulda had more if they needed it.

NFC North is looking wide open for Green Bay to pull an all-time backdoor jerb.  PHRASING.

I have been hesitant to make any definitive calls on Bryce Young – but they need to sit him now.  Kid is seeing ghosts, his footwork (dicey to begin with) has degraded to Tebow-worthy.  He completed like 1/3 of his passes before garbage time, and screwed up first and goal from the Saints 1.  It was hideous stuff.  28-6, not even a late garbage time TD for Charlotte.

WKRP got a brief scare when Jake “The Poet” Browning (h/t Scotchy) left the game with…a thumb cramp?  Anyway, he got better.  The Fat Humps did not.  34-14, home team.  Cincy and Indy are now both 7-6, and obviously the Bengals have the tiebreaker.  It’s getting messy in the wild card picture.  Poet topped 11 YPA so not gonna be a great film watch for the Humps’ secondary.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before – Baltimore can’t hold a 2nd half lead at home, against a mediocre opponent.  This week’s beneficiary is RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!, who have been creeping back ever-so-slowly-and-unlikely-ly into the NFC playoff picture.  Lamar! had time to respond, at 23-28.  It looked like the Ratbirds drive was bogged down, but Zay Flowers was, for unknown reasons, in single coverage at the goal line.  On 3rd and 17.  Het gets the octopus (h/t, Coked Up Red Zone Guy), for a 31-28 lead.

AGAIN, they give it up.  Marlon Humphrey’s drive – (i) fall down on a 20+ yard completion; (ii) get feet tied up on a deep jump ball to Cooper Kupp, inside the 25; (iii) drop a sure pickerception on the next play.  But the Rams can’t manage the clock properly, and settle for the FG.  Extra Time at 31-31.

Tails doesn’t fail for Balmer, but they go three and out.  Now, LA can win with a FG, but they immediately return the favoUr.  Woopsie doodle, Ratbirds run the punt back for a walkoff TD, 37-31.  So.  Much.  DERP.

Naturally, the window’s best game was a back and forth NFC South affair.  It was a typically awful game through three quarters, then went plaid late.  Atlanta dug out of a 19-10 hole, hitting the 2 after a go-ahead score for 25-22.  MRSA very slowly waddled toward FG range, barely converting on 4th down near midfield.  Then somehow, they ended up inside the 20, and Otton scored the winning TD (at 0:31).  Even after that, ATL somehow had one last throw to the end zone from the 32-ish of Tampa.  Ridder completed it…just inside the 4.  Hey, padded fantasy stats for somebody.  29-25, MRSA retakes sort-of first place in the League’s worst division.

Have to hand it to Prison Girlfiend – playing 6 days after suffering a fairly gruesome high ankle sprain?  That’s fucking tough.  And despite forcing 4 turnovers, #ThePauls’ defense kept giving up big plays anytime they extended to a 2-score lead.   Lawrence really is a gamer, even making several successful scrambles.  But no help was forthcoming, and CLE gets away with their sloppy bullshit, 31-27.  Many of us started #ThePauls D/ST and really appreciated all the garbage time yardage and points handed over.

Hippo needed pinball-calibre heroics from Justin Jefferson AND Davante Adams in the late window.  Obviously, Hippo cannot have nice things.  Not that I deserve anything better than the lukewarm bag of shit that I get.  FFS.  I mentioned waaaaayyyyyy upstream that it had been 4 years since nil-nil at the half?  Well, it happened twice in the SAME DAY Week 14, the first such two-fer since 1998.  Jefferson got re-ded on his 2nd catch, which is just fucking great.

The nil-nil would continue.  A really, REALLY long time.  Long enough that one could dream we’d go to OT at nil-nil, which had never happened in NFL history.  Remember, this wasn’t even a weather game!  But no, after the 2:00 warning, Greg Joseph made a 36-yard FG for the win.  Vikes 3, Raiders nil.  Amazing stuff.

Once word leaked out that Horse Cock Lock would start, one felt Seattle was drawing ded.  But the ‘Truthers hung around, frisky as usual.  Frisky had its limits, given that Purdy Mouth almost hit 4 bills.  28-16, pretty cool fight after the clinching pickerception.

Kansas City hosted #1 Taliban Fan McDermott and Bills Mafia in the “Shut the fuck up, Romo” game.  Chefs spotted Brokeback a 14-nil lead, but clawed things back even, 17-all in Q4.  On a roller-coaster of game management (good point by Dok – could one really excise the WTF from Brokeback’s game, without diluting what makes him GOOD?), Allen gets his crew into FG range, fails to burn KC’s timeouts, then avoids a big sack to keep said FG manageable.  It’s good just on the other side of the 2-minute warning. Mahomes still has two timeouts to work with.

Very quickly, Chefs cross midfield.  Then, the bananacakes start raining men (hallelujah).  Flag on the play, everyone assumes an offsides.  Mahomes hits Kelce wide ass open on a deep slant route.  Around the BUF 23, Kelce pulls up, and laterals across the field to Kadarious Toney – it’s perfectly thrown, and Toney doesn’t fuck up the catch or the walk into the end zone.

But TONEY was the player who lined up offside.  Kansas City’s balloon deflates entirely, and they don’t pick up another yard.  Buffalo joins the other eleventy-billion AFC teams car crashed together at 7-6.  Buckle up, December is going to be interesting.

Sigh.  I really enjoyed that Donks WOO!! Prague Spring.  That horsey offense is all borken again.  Jonathan Cooper got a nice (for a DL) pickerception inside the 5 to set up an easy, early TD drive.  Followed by…crickets.  But then, a marvelous thing – Easton Stick entered the game!  Sack-fumble-TD follows, to the joy of all SoCal Donks faithful in attendance.

AND THE MOTHERFUCKERS OVERTURNED IT.  I.  CAN’T.  EVEN.

Donks settle for a FG on the ensuing drive, so I feel like VAR owes Hippo 4 football points.  But surely, a 10-point cushion should suffice against Easton Goddamned Stick?  Especially once it rose to 17, thanks to a Charmslung bomb to Cort Sutton, who caught it one handed despite DPI.  Game.  Blouses.  No clean sheet, but 24-7 will do just fine.

That leaves Sunday night, Iggles at Cowpersons.  Why should I write this up?  Everybody watched this’un.  Perhaps I will type a sentence later, perhaps not.