Perhaps I’ve had occasion to express to you that I am a fan of the NFL. And I can no longer bear the weight of my secret perfidy because you certainly deserve better. So here goes: throughout the DFO Era, which will start its TENTH fitbaw season in a coupla weeks–I mean, WOW. Can you believe it? Ten NFL season plus all the offseason goodies such as covering lesser summer sporting contests plus around 700 Sunday Gravy recipes oh man where was I?

Amm…

Enough dally dallying. Here goes. All this time, I have listened to NFL podcasts and read NFL webstuffs from other sites.

Perhaps I should have been more straightforward with DFO brass and with you, the community, about my pangs of need, the dominating yearnings, the seminal thirst for info. on OL camp battles that only Titans Twitter* or [suspiro] reddit can appease thoroughly.

* It’s still twitter.com, so x this right here.

So I’ve whored around, yes. Call me a cheater, it wouldn’t be undeserved. But BUT. Listen to me. I’ve kept the respect. Much like an unfaithful spouse who doesn’t bring herpes not-that-simplex into a home (because it is uncivil, duh), I have never EVAR blemished this welcoming and snug site with the germs of NFL 100 ratings, QB won-loss records, and other #content blights.

And no one can take that away from me.

NFL NEWS

Which are the best kind of news, praise Calendar. And yet,

, at least according to espen deportes. This is how I gauge what is going on in the NFL. espen deportes is part of the ESPN family much like a foreign au pair: updated on important domestic matters because she takes care of suggestible infants–i.e., the Hispanic market, per the NFL’s POV. So unless there is an important NFL event that needs to be communicated, the Spanish AI post generator remains dormant.

Anyway, the most recent NFL news item in deportes is the 8/1/24 post about hawkeye technology being used for measuring first downs in preseason games. Spoiler Alert: the post still uses the future tense. This just in: today is August 5.

Bonus truth: my laptop refuses to get me to espn.com English US site. Fuck fucking cookies.

Lest you think my panning for NFL substance is lacking, here are the “news” from enefell dot comm:

If yer dying to dig in such scrumptioUs nugs, heer. Dear consumer: never let anyone tell you what’s important.

SPROTS TONITE

Dead Quote Olympics

Disclaimer #1: I liked the Olympics. But I got married last century and my then-spouse hated the Olympics. A lot. As we all know, marriage is about going with the flow lest every waking moment of life is why WHY do you think so little of my opinions and therefore myself? Hey, don’t knock the messenger. Get informed. Read unpublished monographs from middle-aged sociology grad students ffs…

Disclaimer #2: All events already happened, but yer taeks are welcome.

Disclaimer #3: I have been dismayed about the scuttlebutt about Algerian boxer Imane Khelif, a woman.  There is ample reporting out there about actual tests and sporting determinations about the competitive conditions, and for me there is no controversy whatsoever. Khelif is a woman and the rest is culture warmongering.

Strawman: But you have a daughter! What if she were an athlete in combat sports?

I have zero beefs with anyone wanting to identify with whatever gender or genders is / are the right one(s). If you have a sexual relationship with someone, identity and gender may be important. Otherwise,

Who

The fuck

Cares. Why would it be important if the clerk at a bank or the Dept. of Motor Vehicles to be this way or other about his / her / their own identity and sexual preference, or the mechanic, plumber, accountant or whatever when what you want is goods or services unrelated to individual and personal characteristics? It doesn’t matter dammit!

But yeah; there can be a distinction in competitive sports. A born man who identifies as female competing against women is a different context–again, not the situation with Iman Khelif, IM humblest of Os. If there is a boxing match between a female and a man who identifies as a woman, I confess: I don’t know what’s the right decision. But I’m willing to read more and inform myself and withhold opinions because I don’t know—and also, let’s be honest: I don’t have a personal stake on the issue right now.

And to leave no loose ends: if it were my daughter who had an upcoming bout with a declared woman, I would counsel The Heiress thusly: kick her in the balls and whale on her with any object found nearby until she is motionless or you are physically pried away by other persons–perhaps a referee. Incidentally, that’s the same advice I gave her when returning to her college dorm after pub crawls. Teach your sons to be unrapey. That’s much more direct and efficient than teaching daughters to avoid sexual assault.

FINALLY,

I love podcasts. On NFL stuffs, since 2013 I had been listening to the Around the NFL Podcast–a room full of heroes: Cris Wesseling, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, and Dan Hanzus. Wesseling died of cancer on the eve of the 2021 Owl and he was the most critical, knowing, and engaging of the bunch. NFL Media even named the podcast facility the Cris Wesseling Studio, and the show continued to gain a bigger following after Cris’s passing (especially in the UK). NFL Media, killed the podcast last May and I fucking hate it. Rosenthal remained on NFL Media and now hosts the NFL Daily Podcast (which I like), but it’s a whole ‘nother joint. Gregg Rosenthal is great (and his other podcast with BFF and Yinzer compadre Anthony Jeselnik is solid), but Marc Sessler and Dan Hanzus are missed. Hanzus’s bit was self-aggrandizement and he was very funny. And Sessler, damn. Marc Sessler is a complete delight. An out-of-the-box thinker and straight up poet in the 50s Beat vein whose voice is so freekin’ melodious. Fuck the NFL for killing that show.

So now I’ll have to do with the Athletic Football Show, and gotta say: I dig host Robert Mays a lot. Very inviting voice, great guests, and deep insight on tape and stuff. Mays had Sean McVay a coupla weeks back and it was a very revealing conversation. Full disclosure: I talk to myself aloud. So when the OK City Bomber said to Mays that you should not listen to yourself (because negative thoughts pop up in your mind regardless if you summon them), and instead TALK to yourself about what you are going to do, well

As to written stuff, I just follow The Gospel: Hippo, scotchnaut, Rev Mayhem, and alla youse. Plus Mike Tanier (Football Outsiders OG, now on Substack). None of them have permission to die.