Micro-Hippo Thoughts, Week 12, 2025 Season

Games can has a Hippo angry.  Thusly, my teevee box went off around 4:30 and stayed that way.

The saving grace of the afternoon was that Chi**** at least didn’t quite collapse, though they certainly TRIED.  I had no idea how MAGA Dipshit Rudolph could have put 28 on the board given his shittastic passing line, but then I remembered how Caleb’s rotting pumpkin of a brain gifted the Yinzers a first half TD (it has to be seen to be described, words can’t do the fucktardery justice).  But the Ben Johnson bears, landing gear ejected, skid across the runway for yet another unconvincing win (31-28 in this instance).

Did somebody say unconvincing wins?  See also – Ratbirds 23, Jest 10.  You would think this game was played in the gooey muck of the Somme, but it was a normal, autumnly Maryland.  Lamar! must actually be hurt, and still feeling the effects.  He can’t really run, his footwork is off even in the pocket.  But they eventually pull away late, as their foes tire of the phsyical mauling on both lines of scrimmage.  El Tractorcito very nearly caught Jim Brown on the all-time rushing list.  I am thinking this is his last “bell cow” season, though.  Oil, it is a-leakin.’

All of the Bengals’ non-suspended WR got hurt in this game, and 3-TE formations and Joe Flacco almost got across the line anyway.  The final drive came up 25-ish yards short, though.  26-20, P*ts hold on and rack up their 9th straight W.  They had major red zone problems against the previously lifeless Cincy defensive front, though.  Put a pin in that, see if that issue lingers and starts costing them.  Maybe not in what’s left of the AFC East race, but perhaps in January.

Poor Rapey Jameis.  He made maybe the two goofiest, POSITIVE plays of his career in this game, and still lost to the Lions in OT (34-27).  Go watch his receiving TD, if you haven’t seen it already.  And his teammates’ failure to follow up his bananacakes 3rd and 17 sack avoidance/bomb combination with the clenching TD?  Shameful.  Then there was Charmslinger wearing his helmet to the OT coin toss.  His alternate number (Baby Buster) was in a ball cap.  And Buster was, you know.  Actually playing in the game.  Gibbs absolutely went nuts, damned near hitting 300 yards and getting the OT winner on a long, mad dash,  Just a fantastic player.

The “smother you with our DL” Packers came back into being this week, which was very bad news for JJ McCarthy.  I’m thinking the “bust” label might be too kind here.  We’re almost looking at Akili Smith levels of incompetence and hopelessness.  23-6. and I noticed nothing of the Green Bay offense.  Who needed to?

Solid backdoor cover work from Cam Ward and his new Dike pal, as the Tits narrowed the margin (very) late for an almost-respectable 30-24 loss.  Still ass, though.  This team is a touch watch.  Touch of Downs and the Truthers got back on track, even if they no longer really scare anyone.

Fuck Shane Steichen for being so fucking timid with 11-point lead(s), allowing stupid Kermit to keep the Chefs’ season barely alive.  23-20 in OT, and I ain’t talking about it any further.

Four late games, and they are all rancid hobo asshole, and I refuse to watch.  Here’s what I gather happened?

Las Vegas has quit trying entirely.  Not even bothering to fake it, like a courtesan who doesn’t want repeat business.  They lost – AT HOME – to the Shedeur Sanders #ThePauls.  Just fucking forgeit the rest of the schedule, FFS.  I guess they offer proof that drafting a RB in the Top 10 is pretty fucking stupid, when you have approximately 2-3% of your team’s “foundation” built.  And maybe running the Raiders (effectively), half-ass Fox lead play-by-play, and casually chasing A-list trim across high society is too much for one man’s plate?  Final was 24-10 to the visiting #ThePauls.  Two early wildcat TDs by Judkins were all they actually needed.

Would the Iggles finally manage enough focus, and avoid their usual internal drama, such that they would pistol-whip the vastly outmanned Non-Gendered Cowpersons?  Uh, yes.*

*I obviously wrote those lines at 21-nil, early in Q2.  Philly played with its food and Dallas slowly chipped away (singleTDs in Qs 2, 3, and 4) until kicking the winning placement for a 24-21 stunner.

Why do Sherman’s Ashes (24-10 winners for Cap’n D) and the Saints even exist, as professional footed ball establishments?  Is it some kind of tax shelter gambit?  Seriously, I didn’t even take Tax Law in grad school.   But HARK, Hippo goaded the ever-suave DonT into drunkenly recapping his watchenings (to which he drunkenly confessed in the game thread).  Without further ado…

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

Don here. Cousins gained about 20 yards for a FG to close the first half at ATL 16 – 7 NO. Saints TD was on a pick six.

Second half, Saints had nine plays in the Red Zone on a drive, which featured Taysom Hill again and again. Din’t score. 24-10 final, zero confidence in Shough.

This used to be a fiery rivalry in the Brees – Ryan times. Now it’s the minimum yearned for during the June offseason, when ANY fitbaw, however uninteresting, will scratch the itch. My game MVP: the couch. Brought the horizontality required to endure this game. [Ninja smoke bomb]

Jaguras/Qards was the only semi-interesting late window game, especially from a Chaotic Neutral point of view.  I meant to watch the 4th quarter on Sunday ticket, but it slipped my mind.  Duval’s men kicked a FG on their opening possession of OT and it somehow held up.  27-24, Prison Girlfriend can continue post-season dreaming.  And there was much Jello-clan rejoicing.

SNF matchup is actually pretty good, on paper.  Teams that aren’t crammed down our throats by Big Narrative (MRSA Men and RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!).  But I’m just not fucking arsed.  Fuck knows why.  Head and neck been killing me today, that’s probably 35-40% of it.