Your “Is It Too Early To Start Practicing My New Year’s Drinking?” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

No. It’s not, and it never is.

 

NFL News:

  • Steve Smith is saying he’s “89 percent sure” done after this Sunday.
    • I think we shall all miss him, even Steelers fans.
  • The Bills are admitting it’s a “business decision” to start EJ Manuel, because of that huge bonus Tyrod Taylor has guaranteed in his contract.
    • A worse look is that Anthony Lynn admitted that the decision came from the front office. We all know it did, but don’t admit it, stupid.
    • So, I hope EJ impresses someone. Hey, the Jets could use another half-dozen QBs.
  • Still on the Bills, the Rex-replacement speculation is hot & heavy. ESPN has a list of contenders, both plausible and ridiculous, but two stick way out for all Commentists:
    • Josh McDaniels – I can smell the Belichick coaching-tree takes already
    • Todd Haley – tell me his Camaro wouldn’t look good screaming around Buffalo’s icy winter streets.
  • Tampa RB Doug Martin was suspended 4 games for a PED violation.
    • He opted to start now so he only misses three games next year. S-M-R-T, since he gets paid more next year.
  • In a sign he’s probably gone, Joe Staley is saying, aloud, that he’d love for Chip Kelly to return as 49ers head coach next year.
  • Oh this’ll fix it – the Hall of Fame Game has been moved from Sunday to Thursday, so they don’t have to convert the field in 24 hours. This way, the game might be better get played.
    • So it’ll be:
      • Game Thursday
      • Dinner Friday
      • Enshrinement ceremony Saturday

I didn’t talk about this yesterday, but let me tell you about how crushed Seahawks fans were on Sunday afternoon.

img_2651Pregame, I spent in my usual drinking places – Henry’s Tavern, followed by Safeco Field. It was the usual fare: a few beers, some cheaper-than-stadium food, and Red Zone. There were the usual “SEA — HAWKS!!!” chants, and everyone feeling pretty good. We hung around there until about 12:45, and then made our way across the street to be metal detected and scanned in. My brother, having brought his in-laws, went to the box and I went to my usual seats. The air was heavy with anticipation.

antici-pation

Once the game started, things turned quickly. Arizona went up 14 pretty easily, and blocking that field goal sure helped temper peoples’ enthusiasm. The first sign it was really going to be a bad day was when Tyler Lockett broke his leg. On the big screen, it first looked like he had a concussion. But then they showed the end zone angle, and you saw his leg fold up. The “OHH!” was pretty shocking. He’ll be lucky if he comes back next year at all. Then they couldn’t convert on (essentially) 8 tries from inside the five yard line.

People actually booed the team off the field at halftime.

The start of the second half seemed good, with a quick 7 going up on the board. But then they fell back into the same malaise. The teams traded scores and a home finale bed-shitting seemed plausible. When the game went to 31-18, people started flocking ut the door. Now, I never leave early, mostly because my Scottish upbringing says ‘stay; you paid that much for the WHOLE game’. But I also sat through the ‘Hawks comeback against Green Bay, so you can just never look away from Russell Wilson.

And whaddya know, they did it again. You could see people outside trying to get back in. Hilarious. The fans left inside – about 3/4 – were going bonkers.

I confuse him with the Ninja Warrior girl.
I confuse him with the Ninja Warrior girl.

But then they missed the convert. And there was a minute left on the clock. Bruce Arians must hate him some Pete Carroll, because the Cards went for it hard. Palmer targetted everywhere Earl Thomas should have been. That got them in range, and you know how it ended. Catanzaro finally hit a pressure kick in the last minute. The overtime everyone expected (again) didn’t happen.

But the people. Oh, the people. The last time I heard C-Link that quite was the “Fail Mary” game, but this time there was no eruption, just sadness. About 40,000 zombies walking around the stadium, visions of a first-round bye gone from their heads. It wasn’t “Oh man, I can’t wait to play the Cowboys”; it was now, “Aww shit, we’re gonna get the Giants or Packers”. I saw people crying. I had the easiest time getting back onto the Interstate. It was then I-5 all the way home.

If you hate the Seahawks, Christmas Eve was your Christmas, and Bruce Arians gave you a present.

Applied then; applies...we'll see after the playoffs.
Applied then; applies…we’ll see after the playoffs.

Tonight’s sports:

  • Bowl games:
    • Foster Farms Bowl: Indiana vs. Utah – 8:30PM | FOX
    • Texas Bowl: Texas A&M vs. Kansas State – 9:00PM | ESPN
  • NHL Hockey:
    • Leafs at Panthers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Canadiens at Lightning – 7:30 | Sportsnet360
    • Flyers at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Kings at Canucks – 10:00 | Sportsnet
  • World Juniors: United States vs. Slovakia – 7:30PM | TSN / NHL Network
  • College Basketball:
    • Monmouth at *North Carolina – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Virginia at Louisville – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Georgetown at Marquette – 8:30PM | FS1
    • Cincinnati at Temple – 9:00PM | ESPNU
    • UCLA at Oregon – 9:00PM | ESPN2

Too many of my words. YOU SAY SOMETHING!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCS

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Unsurprised

Preach!

laserguru
laserguru

I don’t care where you come from that’s some hard ass shit.

laserguru
Unsurprised

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WCS

Split looks like a very intriguing premise, so let’s leave it to M. Night to turn it into complete liquid shit.

Unsurprised
ballsofsteelandfury

¡That’s what I call a fucking show!

laserguru

Jonathon Winters was my spirit guide.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

(I have so many plans for Uranus)

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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WCS

@ ALXMAC:

RE: Dana’s contract extension

No, he earned it. This season was supposed to be 8-5, at the most optimistic. Seriously, no one thought this year was going to be anything but mediocre at the very best. 10-3 is a terrific season, with a shitty way to end it. It’s just interesting how much a bowl win can change the overall feel the season. Last year, WVY went 8-5, with a Cactus Bowl win, and everyone celebrating. This season, they go 10-3 (for the eighth ten-win season in school history), but, it feels hallow because of the bowl game loss.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

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he’s so proud of himself

Croooow

Patterson is one of those guys that if you’re against him in FFL, he has like 200 total yards and three touchdowns. If you start him? 2 catches, 14 yards.

WCS
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

I call this phenomenon: brocky’s luck

seriously, highest points for, and I missed the playoffs. FML

Unsurprised

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to eat pizza and a ton of peanut butter pretzels. What a way to break a diet.

Mr. Ayo

I’m at a loss to think of a better way to break a diet.

Oh wait, ribeye and baked potato. That’s better.

Unsurprised

Indeed. Also, lots of alcohol

laserguru

There will be poop.

WCS

Big 12 is going to be 2-1 in bowls, with WVU being that loss.

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Guh.

ALXMAC
Mr. Ayo

Where In The World Isn’t SVP?

ALXMAC

Now that’s funny

ALXMAC

So are you mad Dana got that XXX….?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

its the fucking worst. you wake up at 3 am and your kitchen light is still on…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I actually don’t mind that; the two hour, wake up at 10:300, then back to sleep at three….. well it’s my own fault.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/ec4d7bfe3a355a696b09ac2be58bcae3/tumblr_oildwsLq2w1uxsnzdo1_1280.png

Croooow

Bowl game on ESPN is looking down to the wire too. Five point game. 2:47 left.

WCS

It’s the Big 12. Kansas State will blow this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

It’s going to be really interesting on January 22nd, when Drumpf and Putin decide to nuke China, just for shits and giggles.

Croooow

We are so fucked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

-That is not creepy.
-Leave the redeye.
-¡AAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry; forgot the “Seems Legit” tagline.

Brocky

the last time IU won a bowl game?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrkL-Edx11s

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ALXMAC
ALXMAC
WCS

Foster Farms Bowl coming down to the wire.

Mr. Ayo

I’m sad it didn’t end with a fowl.

Croooow

Helluva game.

Mr. Ayo

It was a typo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo

I had nothing to do with that yet. Unrelated, I regret nothing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yet……

Mr. Ayo

That was also a typo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

Man, I didn’t think the hoosiers had a chance, so to see it end like this, just damn

ALXMAC
Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Croooow

Gus Johnson is awesome.

WCS

This game is a lot of fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Kungjitsu

First World Xmas Problems:

I had a cousin-in-law (machine parts salesman) get butthurt because my sister (classically trained working chef) is a better cook than he is. He also got upset because I chose the NBA over the NFL on Xmas on my big screen in my house coming through cables I pay Comcast for. I had the Ravens/Steelers on in my den, but he preferred to bitch. He also turned his nose up at the Buffalo Trace I offered him so he could drink Jim Beam. That last one is me being a snob, and he brought the Jim Beam, but I can’t fuck with you if you if you’re in your late 30s and your go to drink is Jim Beam and ginger ale.

My wife likes to make Coquito, which is basically Boriqua Egg Nog. We were out of rum, so she ran to the store and came back with some Cruzan 151. Why? Because it was on sale. I don’t drink Coquito because I don’t want an adult coconut milkshake, and I can’t drink 151 straight because it’s kerosene. It has no flavor; it’s just lighter fluid. So it gets to sit in my liquor cabinet taking up space because I’m too cheap to throw it out but not dumb enough to drink it.

I had a different cousin-in-law get hustled in pool by my pops. I warned this dipshit to leave him alone. My dad got his spending money in college hustling pool. He plays pool at least 30 hours a week since he retired. It’s more now that my mom died. So dipshit gets ganked and then doesn’t want to come up with the $5, which triggers some scruples in my pops. Bruh grew up a Black orphan on the streets of Cleveland in the 40’s and 50’s. Dipshit is a trust fund baby who grew up on a cul du sac in Silver Spring, Maryland and had no idea that things had turned frosty. It wasn’t about the money; it was about the principle. Now I had to pay attention because there was a non-zero chance that my pops was going to fuck this guy up with a pool cue.

I’m taking two weeks off and the last thing in the world I want to do is pay attention. I want to eat too much and drink too much (not that 151 shit) and if the opportunity presents itself smoke some weed. But I have to worry about bruised egos and dumbasses and a salty 75 year old who might whoop somebody’s ass.

Oh, yeah! And my wife doesn’t want to have sex because it’s “too busy in the house”. What the fuck does that even mean?

Kungjitsu

Everybody’s gone. The only people left in my house live here. I’m just bitching online. Plus, I don’t want to bond with dude.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“[insert douche’s name here, so to speak] you need to pay up; you lost. If you don’t pay up you will lose more.”

Just a suggestion.

Unsurprised

Tie the in-laws to chairs and tell them either they listen to you explain why they don’t fuck with your dad and pay him his $5 or you kick their asses (and kick them out) so that your dad doesn’t kill them.

Unsurprised

As for the wife: Masturbate loudly. That’ll either stop everything in its tracks or everyone will be so busy that you two could be re-enacting gladiator battles and no one would (want to) acknowledge.

Kungjitsu

That reminds me of an Aries Spears bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXP8L6AK4fM

Brocky

benefit of the doubt, i’ve noticed people act unintentionally shitty if they gotta spend chrstimas somewhere they’r unfamiliar with, depending on the situation.

Also, the pop pool incident? To me, that reeks of a culture clash more than anything else.

or just let it happen. idk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I am an old fucker too, but a bet is a bet.

JerBear50

Try infusing the rum with some citrus peels or something. Might make it more palatable.

Don T

Drink your morning coffee with coquito. That used to be the best thing about Christmas.
Re douche invitees, do what BoriCuas do:
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