![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio
Until They Are Blackened And Seared
Before The Last Root Gives Way
Our Collective Dark Secret
The Freedom Of Murderers
Sometimes A Girl
Our Abject Depravity
Crawling Out Of A Bottle
A Short Pier In Jacksonville
Through The Rubble, Through The Ash
Naked And Bruised
Of The Men Who Execute
A Long, Long Way Down
Necklace Of Ears
The Third Term
A Texas Conversation
Opinions Count For Nothing
I hate to say this, but I enjoy the creative application and thematic spin of WhyEaglesWhy’s collections maybe even more than Komment of the Week. Decontextualizing nonsense and reappropriating it for good work just brings a smile to my face.
…then again, it could be more correct that I am just anxiously awaiting the chance to DTZM’s, “predator vagina-faced monster” used in as many contexts as possible.
Of all the non-accomplishments I’m most proud of (apart from not contracting HANTA-AIDS-Herpes) is never entering an MFA program. I picture it somewhat like joining Scientology. Affirmation and warm fuzzies everywhere – “oh you like reading too? You should join us.” ” You have such interesting ideas.” etc. Then one day they get you alone in a room and start talking about Xenu/Pynchon, and by then it’s too late. One of us, one of us, one of us…
I have an MFA in fiction. It is a lot less warm/fuzzy and a lot more cruel/ego breaking. Workshops in fiction can be brutal. People often cried afterwards.
I am not going on vacation this summer. I’m tracking down the kid in this photo and making him watch football, MMA, and Sylvester Stallone movies until he cries – and gets rid of that fucking hat.
Clockwork Orange style?
This is what I imagine every single one of you fuckers looks like.
Oh god, I had forgotten about emo eagles fans. I’m glad they’re still up to their usual chicanery.
I don’t think Fozz would approve of my glasses. That said, I wear running clothes about 90% of the time, and almost never am without my Broncos or my Everton ballcap (whoever needs the mojo more).
And I can out-grumpy old man any of you mofos any day of the week…
As they guy in the picture above your post said “bring it on.”
You’re a Cardinals fan. You wear a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off tucked into jorts without a belt and white New Balances everywhere. You can not convince me otherwise.
http://www.weusecoupons.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/new-balance-mens-white-walking-shoes.jpg
Pictured: Official Shoes of the Best Fans in Baseball
There are two types of Cardinals fans. Those Cuntler just mentioned who were never into sports but now that they’ve retired in El Mirage are into supporting local teams because of their volunteer efforts with the community and constant applaud for Pat Tillman. And then there are those who are under-40 first generation Arizonans. You can recognize these fans by their black jerseys, shin-high Dickies, and ‘Bird Gang’ neck tattoos.
I was talking about the St. Louis Cardinals, but your assessment of the AZ Cardinals seems about right.
I totally thought you meant AZ cardinal fans.
Orthaheel or GTFO. Respect yo FEET!!!
/once you’ve had multiple surgeries on both feet (reshaped bones to alleviate what is essentially carpal tunnel of the feet – from wearing fucking dress shoes for fucking lawyer work), you will wear whatever brands the podiatrist recommends and fucking like it.
//helps to have given up on dating now and forever, sure my kids make fun of me, but they’d do that anyway, I have taught them well.
Dunno who even makes the Duo Dry workout clothes they sell at teh Super Target, just that they is super comfy and as close as I can get to walking around naked without scarring people for life and ending up with a non-consensual roommate. I’m over 40, my shits are hard enough on my rectal orifice, thanks very much.
The feet thing sounds terrible, my condolences. I get to wear a suit and dress shoes every day, but haven’t had that problem.
http://cdn.gunaxin.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/seinfeld-shoes.jpg
Sick kicks, bro!
To be fair, I did go into the law-talkin’ guy bidness with high arches. Caveat emptor. Thank fuck my ex had the flattest feet imaginable, so the chilluns all have magically average feet.
I don’t believe you until you tell us you tie onions to your belt.
Some of them sound like Metallica song titles, too.
/jams “Blackened” at 6:30 in the morning
I swear to God, I almost made it poems OR Metallica songs.
BRAVO!
/coffee flies onto laptop screen
//snaps fingers instead of clapping
Whoa! No, no! No applause. Every time you clap your hands you kill thousands of spores that’ll some day form a nutritious fungus. Just show your approval with a mould-friendly thumbs up.
Please hold your thumbs until the end.
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