Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 12, 2018 Season

Delight of delights, the Yinzers finally ran out of dumb luck, and my Donks served as the direct beneficiaries!  Much like a certain annoying JV fixture one day earlier, Denver established the run – against an aggressive but overall just mediocre defensive front seven – and stuck with it.  When Q4 rolled around, Lindsay and his surprisingly competent OL broke out against a worn out opposition.  Of course, the dye wasn’t cast until The Ben tossed a pickerception to the NT on 3rd and goal – but that glorious event never has the chance to happen without groundwork being laid.  Both a good win and a fun loss, the very best kind of match.

Also in the late window, the LOLphins were LOLphining away a 10-point lead in the final 7 minutes or so.  Old Man Vinatieri kicked the game-winner at the guy, 27-24 Humps.  There could be gravy on this year’s playoffs after all.

Given the size of his brood, not many folks questioned the accuracy of King Laserface’s ball placement.  After Week 12, none will.  Despite spotting Birdcano a 10-nil lead, Rivers managed to set a single-game NFL record for consecutive completions (25), sitting out most of Q4 after compiling a 28-for-29 line.  45-10 is not a good look, even by Arizona standards.  Oh, and the Shitty Clippers may have killed Melvin Gordon while running a trick play up 4 scores.  Dumbasses.

Last year’s heroes, the Fulham Jaguras, know plenty about not a good look.  They are now formally and fully ded after losing 24-21 in Buffalo.  Brokeback QB completed just 8 of 19, but that was pathetically plenty to get a win.  But at least there was a fight!

LAMAR! continued to show…yips in his passing ability, but did enough with athleticism and deception (those ppl are sneaky u noe!) to fairly comfortably smack down pre-Vegas.  The random Gus Edwards show continued it’s 2nd week, with a buck-eighteen as the unquestioned lead back.  Balmer is just on the edge of that 2nd Wild Card, and it will be interesting to see if they go back to Flaccid Flacco and/or the Riverdance guy when healthy.

Speaking of flaccid, the Jest actually led 7-zip on the P*ts, and generally hung around almost all game long.  But in the end, Grumblelord won and covered, as he always does.  27-13, and all were bored.  Fortunately, Sony Michel avoided serious injury on what looked like a bad situation for his knees.  I don’t hate him enough just yet to wish the rookie actual ill will.  Gronk and Dreamboat should both die in a fire, though.  Or at least have their cocks fall off.  Tis only right.  New England is in bye position, waiting to see if the Chefs lose a 3rd or not.

Team MRSA not only won today, but also held the opposition to single digits on the scoreboard.  Sure, it was just the Tomsulas, but Matt Breida is a legitimate footballer – and one of those is usually enough to make things all shoot-out-y with the Bucs.  But not today – 27-9 is what it is.

Elisha and Palz basically did the same thing their cross-town co-performance artists did, just drew things out a little longer because the Iggles are trash.  25-22 victors, Philly takes on the ‘Dacteds next week in the Battle for 2nd Place in the NFL’s special needs division.

I wasn’t sure the Striped Pylons were really ded enough to be a home pick-em v. #ThePauls.  Turns out, that assessment was wrong about 3 scores in the MOAR DED direction, as Mayfield just beat the tar shit out of ’em.  Red Rocket injured his thumb, too.  Or maybe this just killed off the last scintilla of his pride.  The wildcat-ish backup did better anyway, which is really sad.

Our Black Panthers lost a heartbreaker to the SeaTruthers, 30-27.  Illustrating yet again the importance of putting an opponent away when on the ropes, especially when they have a magician QB.  Put Russell Wilson in position to win the game at the very end, it’s very likely he will do just that.  As amazing as this would have seemed at the end of September, Seattle looks like a plausible playoff side.

Revenge of the ties (and I dunno who deserves being hung first/most, Captain Dingleberry or Captain BlueBunny) was your Sunday night fixture, with the winner having some plausible ability to lie to themselves in the mirror, mumbling “playoffs.”  These sides deserved to draw again, but it’s the Vikings who remain barely, mathematically alive.  A.A. Ron gets no help, for the millionth time.