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I wrote a lot yesterday so I’m shucking off word count requirements today. Plus I gave you a ninth bonus Quotable entry for Week 15 here. Do good.
2019 Quotables – Week 15 (Submissions)
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[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 15 (Submissions) – December 18, 2019 […]
I know this gif has no sound, but I’ll be goddamned if I can’t stop hearing Berman “woooping” all over it, and I’m no longer sure I want to keep living.
“And this flame shall burn forever more, fed by the endless tallow reserves of Jamarcus Russell and piles of DMC injury reports.”
Man, P-funk shows just keep getting more and more elaborate.
Alex Smith is confused. Should he be impressed or irate?
Private Pyle has mellowed since Parris Island
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May I present the two scariest members of the black hole. The two girls on the left. They have seen some shit at a young age and are not going to take any prisoners.
There are enough Jaguars in a frenzy here to give Sir David Attenborough priapism.
“Alright, who told this chucklefuck that the white lines are lava?”
Undead Al Davis signals that he is displeased with the latest offering and wants to emphasize that “almost” a virgin is NOT “close enough.”
Which poor, unfortunate country ended up as a dumping ground for all this Raider’s merch?
“I was promised ORANGE SLICES and a JUICE BOX!”
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“Mo-om, now I’m going to have to spend so much more time with Abby. I’m going to miss playing around with the other boys. When Abby gets bored at night she makes me do things that make me feel weird and light headed. I’m going to miss fooling around with the boys.”
-E. Manning
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“Hmmm, that hug lingered a little long. Alert the Extraction Team- Brother Drew needs to spend a little time at our Pray the Gay Away Facility” -Focus on the Family
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I don’t have a caption for this one. I’m just entranced at the quiet dignity and heartfelt sentiment radiating from the gorilla with a top hat and Ray-Ban knockoffs.
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Meanwhile, the traditional Raiders Tire Fire was ignited on the field
Is new Head Coach Pete Rose allowed to bet against The Mean Machine?
I’ve got a pretty good idea where Ray Lewis buried his murder knife.
Getting lit up by a crappy jet is what, a Baltimore Captain Sully?
Stadium marriage proposals are so lame.
I CALL THIS PLAY TEABAGGING AS HE TOOK A BALL TO THE FACE
The Peyton Special
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“Al Davis is rolling around in his grave on this one.”
/checks earpiece
“I’m sorry. Correction, Al Davis is one of the undead. He has been like this for the past 25 years.”
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Touchdown Seahawks.
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A Salute to Excellence, powered by excrement.
This throw was thisclose to being (un)intentional grounding
Never having scored a touchdown, the Jets were unsure how to do a TD celebration
When mom takes away your juice box.
/This saddens me as it may be the last good “Manning face” ever.
We’ll get a good Manning face in five years in Canton, OH. In fact we’ll probably get double Manning face as PeyPey realizes this doofus has the same number of Super Bowl wins.
Of course the blue angles from the black hole are bigger.
A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How the Raiders used to be worthwhile
And I knew that those black hole fans
Who toughed it out from Oakland to LA back to Oakland(s)
And, maybe, Vegas wouldn’t be their shitpile
But Gruden Football made me shiver
With every Carr throw and rotted liver
Bad plays on the doorstep;
Carr couldn’t slide one more step
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his emo’d eyes
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Oakland Raiders died
Riverboat Rob is a gambling man, too, but his wager is usually regarding the long odds of syphilis
I love how Tommy from Snatch has since played a 101st NCO in the first ep of Band of Brothers, Al Capone in Boardwalk Empire, and Tony Pro against Al Pacino (who actually put in effort into this one) in The Irishman.
A fart from Hell
Keep pounding it into the ground, indeed
Wake me when he throws touchdown number 6.022 x e to the 23rd power
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White Men Can’t Throw
– Nathan Peterman
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It’s ok, it’s Oakland. There will be MOAR fires.
Mmmm, yes, well now you see the meek SHAN’T inherit the earth.
Only three interceptions? 2018 Eli is unimpressed.
Ghost of Al Davis: /blueflames
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/?attachment_id=51568
I thought they were just burning off the accumulated methane from that garbage heap they call a stadium.
Trying to do this from my phone is about as futile as talking to a MAGAt.
ANNOUNCER: This Sunday on the NFL Network: Those Were My Raiders…an Oakland Retrospective
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/?attachment_id=51568
Jesus….are they still incinerating his corpse?
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