I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
“Unarmed black man catches a bullet during a dodgeball game and everyone cheers. But the same thing happens during a routine traffic stop and we shut down all of Ferguson?!”
Dylan Schefter: “Mr Goodell makes Daddy come over every weekend during the summer and prance around making pony noises or else he’ll stop feeding him his lines.”
Adam: “Honey! We’re not supposed to talk about that.”
[…] 2019 Quotables – Pro Bowl (Submissions) – January 28, 2020 […]
Mr. Hardhat, my dad would want me to ask you what your 40 time is.
Cheers to me making Bill Polian feel smart
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OaklandLos AngelesOaklandLas VegasSan DiegoOaklandSan AntonioMarsP.F. Changs
Raiders
“I like the sound of that.”
-M. Davis
Dylan – .. and Uncle Roger smells like po…
Adam – I’m taking away the iPad
Dylan – flowers, dad, i was going to say flowers.
The rare D Lineman celly that doesn’t lead to an injury
There’s some kid crying right now as someone took the toy mallet out of their toolbox.
or
Early screen tests of “Bob the Builder the movie” got awful reviews.
To win just remember the five D’s of dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and… Dodge.
-Patches O’Houlihan
Pictured: the only man in Vegas who won’t understand the “Come See The Best Black Hole” signs outside of the strip club
Sean Fucking Taylor
https://gfycat.com/@unsurprised/collections/tjboNlcB/pro-bowl
“This was supposed to be a little shade thrown at DAK!”
“That Eli, he’s so thoughtful. He even provided juice boxes and orange slices for today’s game!”
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Not pictured – Why is the cork on the fork?
*under her breath* “I don’t want your life.”
“Was that me!?!” – T. Green
“M-O-O-N, That spells Las Vegas Raiders!”
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“My God! If I ever got hit that hard, I’d remember that for the rest of my life!” – Brian Moorman
“Unarmed black man catches a bullet during a dodgeball game and everyone cheers. But the same thing happens during a routine traffic stop and we shut down all of Ferguson?!”
– Sen. Josh Hawley (Nazi – MO)
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Law and Order: SVU is starting to get lazy
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Dylan Schefter: “Mr Goodell makes Daddy come over every weekend during the summer and prance around making pony noises or else he’ll stop feeding him his lines.”
Adam: “Honey! We’re not supposed to talk about that.”
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Fantasy Access Whore Camp
Get this man a banner inside of Lucas Oil Stadium!
Reaffirming our collective decision to deny the existence of the Houston Texans
(for any of them)
There was a Pro Bowl?
Darren Rovell projects her future earnings to be a big fat poopyface
To get him enthused, they told him he was dedicating a new SuperCuts.
“and I like to swim in the pool with my parents and my friends and”
“NOT MARK CHMURA”
“um…yeah, that’s right my parents already told me that and”
Kobe!
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Usually it’s the evil one getting a stake hammered into it.
Look, I told you we would need a two handed maul to drive a stake through Dad’s heart.
Only in fiction