Goodbye, Kitchenette

In the spirit of BCO I give you this-

I bartended during university and afterwards for a total of about 7/8 years. One slow night a sketchy looking guy came in and announced that he was buying his dad his “birthday supper”. The dad was a small, quiet guy who looked to be beaten down by life and as the evening went on I felt increasingly sorry for him. Why? His son was a loudmouth, aggressive sort that liked confrontation. He got into the beers and wine before the mains arrived and would yell across the dining room to get his server’s attention (a buddy of mine). I don’t think he’d ever been made aware of dining room etiquette. He ordered the smoked salmon at one point and after one bite waved his server over and said “Take this back, I don’t want it”. When asked why he didn’t like it he responded with “it’s not fucking smoky enough”

Soooooo. It’s finally time to pay up-he’s presented with the bill and produces his “old ladies” welfare cheque and instructs my friend to cash it, take what is needed to pay the bill and give him the remainder. We obviously weren’t going to do any of that and called the police. He went ballistic. Every epithet in English and French was hurled at us, physical threats were made and his poor old dad tried to make himself invisible. On his birthday. The police arrived and eventually the guy was cuffed, swearing the entire time at any- and everyone, including the cops. The dining room had different levels so this one law enforcement official who had his fill of this constant verbal abuse asked the guy to go ahead of him and as he approached four descending steps (he was cuffed behind his back) tripped him. Of course our least favourite diner crashed to the floor. The cop who did the deed said sweetly, “oh, did you fall? You should be more careful-you don’t want that to happen again”.

Of course, from then on whenever a drink or dessert or anything else was returned to the bar or kitchen the serving staff would say, “It wasn’t smoky enough”.