Request Line: Songs from a Small Island

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY

A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers are lounging around in an office, reading over a marketing report.

DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS: …and so what’s this bit about banana cake?

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Oh, that’s kind of a buzzword right now among fútbol fans.

DTZM: Football doesn’t start for another two months.

RTD: No, fut-bol.  Like “boot”.

DTZM: Oh, you mean like Canadian football.

RTD: No, soccer.  But speaking of Canadia, they just had a big holiday yesterday and all their churches are catching on fire, maybe it would be a nice gesture to dedicate this week’s Request Line to them.

DTZM: A three hour playlist of nothing but Rush and Bryan Adams?  No thank you.  But you know, there’s another country that’s got a big weekend coming up, you might remember them from a little something called “The Revolutionary War”…

RTD: Of, of course!  I even have the perfect host in mind, we were going to call him about starring in that period piece set in the rural Midwest.

DTZM: The My Antonia adaptation?

RTD: Stop calling it that, we don’t have the rights.  You wanna get sued?

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY pulls out his cellphone, then punches numbers into the speakerphone.

— [speakerphone flies open] —

JASON STATHAM: OY! WOT’S ALL THIS, THEN?

RTD: Jason, baby, it’s Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, with DFO Productions.  What’s my favorite action movie star up to?

JASON STATHAM: I’M WATCHIN’ THE FOOTY, INNIT?

RTD: [aside, to DTZM] The Euro soccer tournament is happening right now. [to STATHAM] IT’S COMIN’ HOME, INNIT?

JASON STATHAM: IT’S COMIN’ HOME!

RTD: [shouting] IT’S COMIN’ HOME!

JASON STATHAM: IT’S COMIN’ HOME, INNIT? WHAT DO YOU [REDACTEDS] WANT?

RTD: Jason, it’s a big weekend for England, what with Wimbledon and England’s big game against Ukraine tomorrow.  We thought we’d dedicate this week’s edition of Request Line to England and were hoping you could get things started.

JASON STATHAM: OY! RIGHT! I GOT A SONG FOR YA, INNIT? [to the tune of “doo dah”] ♫ POSH SPICE TAKES IT UP THE…♫

DTZM: [interrupting] Actually, we were looking for songs that specifically about the country of England.

JASON STATHAM: LIKE, THE QUEEN AND ALL THAT?

DTZM: Quite, quite.

JASON STATHAM: “Quite”? HE SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THEM POSH FUCKERS, INNIT?

RTD: OY! RIGHT!

JASON STATHAM: OW’S ABOUT SOME OLD BILLY BRAGG?

RTD: OY! CRACKING! SIRI, YOU RIGHT [REDACTED], PLAY “A NEW ENGLAND” BY BILLY BRAGG

Today’s theme is “England”.  We’re looking for songs specifically about the country of England and its people (including its leadership).  Have at it!