Monday Morning Mock Draft Chapter The Whatever

One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday. Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about. Good times.

We did this last off-season and had an all-timer finding out which cartoon character we’d go down to Bone Town with, and some lesser success with things like hamburgers. You win some, you lose some, but either way the #content Monster is sated, and time is wasted. And I couldn’t help but notice that last Monday was a barren wasteland, so I’m doing it again.

First come, first served, subject to my randomly assigning the first pick to someone else, generally because they came up with the idea. Or because they bribed me. For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one.

This week’s topic is a leftover idea from last season, unfortunately just before the NFL came back and Hippo Thoughts took over this space, putting it to much better use. It comes from the fertile and somewhat thirsty mind of Rikki, who asks “What Olympic athlete would you date?”

Before we start, a word from our Commissioner:

You can draft any athlete who has competed in an Olympic Games. You are drafting them as they were in the Olympics, or at the present time. So if they were underage at the time of the Olympics but are now a legal adult they are eligible for the draft with the specification that you are drafting them as they presently exist. If they were really hot back in 1924, but are now dead, go ahead and draft them and we’ll just assume you’re taking them as a living person and not in their current state. Hell, I’ve been dead since 2008, and if I can be the commissioner then dammit you can draft Sonja Henie

With that rule in place, I will take the first pick. Now, you’re all thinking I’m going to take Mikaela Shiffrin, but in a shocking twist I am going to back to my impressionable younger days and, in a spirit of bringing the world together, drafting East German figure skater Katerina Witt

Might have been my favorite edition of Playboy ever.

As for the rest of you, you’re on the clock,