The 2022 New York Jets – A Mostly Uninformed Perspective

Normally, I’ve been using this space and time to discuss some of the most depressing aspects of our criminal justice system. This week my DFOverlords have demanded that I change things up and bring you something a little more uplifting. So here we go, the team preview for the uh.. (/checks notes) New York Jets. Shit.

Hopes were high for the Jets after this year’s draft class which included two top ten picks and three in the first round overall. And surprisingly, they did not completely fuck it up. They picked up a first rate corner back in Sauce Gardner, a receiver from THE Hairless Nut University, and a top-rate edge rusher. They have two very good running backs in rookie Breece Hall and second year man Michael Carter Jr.

They lost Mekhi Becton for the year but he hasn’t played for a while anyway.  The OL looks adequate and the receiver corp. is so deep that former second round pick Denzel Mims can’t seem to make his way into the lineup and has requested a trade. Mims is stuck on the depth chart behind something called Braxton Berrios, who I can only describe as Blonde Welker.

Last year against the Carson Wentz-led Colts, the defense gave up 486 out of a possible 488 yards. I’m told the defense  is upgraded over last year. Special teams is a strength. We’ve got the coach and a GM who actually seems to know what he’s doing. So, what’s wrong?

Our Quarterback, Zach Wilson, is what’s wrong. The polite way to say it is that we really don’t know what he is yet. He played mostly poorly last year before getting injured., getting outplayed by backup Mike White and then further outplayed by former unhoused person Josh Johnson. The Jets panic traded for the ghost of Joe Flacco midseason. Wilson came back from injury and looked better, but against a pretty soft late season schedule.

In the off-season, Wilson got accused of bangin his mom’s friend, so at least we can say that he does one thing that rhymes with “suck.” Wilson hurt his knee early in training camp and is expected to miss at least the first game. With Handsome Jimmy G just sitting there on the trading block in San Francisco, the Jets decided to go into week 1 with the rotting fleshy corpse of Joe Flacco at Quarterback.

GODDAMN IT WHY DO I LIKE THIS TEAM? I FUCKING HATE THEM SO GODDAMN MUCH!

OK go about your day folks. I’ll just be here crying in the corner. AGAIN.